Local News

Black GA Rep. Leaves 'Democrat Plantation' For Trump’s Swankier, Immigrant-Free Plantation

No more cookouts for this clown.

Y'all remember Georgia state Rep. Vernon Jones, the very confused black Democrat who endorsed — for real — Donald Trump? It's now a week later and his career has ended. Jones announced Wednesday morning that he wouldn't complete his term.

From the AJC:

"Turn the lights off, I have left the plantation," Jones said in a statement. "Someone else can occupy that suite. Therefore, I intend not to complete my term effective April 22, 2020."

I don't think they had “suites" for black folks on actual plantations — more like rickety shacks. It seems like the only brothers and sisters who escape the “Democrat plantation" are complete embarrassments like Jones. If my ancestors had taken the underground railroad to freedom but our kinfolk on the other side were Candace Owens, Ben Carson, and Diamond and Silk, they might've asked Ms. Harriet Tubman about a return trip.

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2020 Congressional Elections

Poll Finds Kris Kobach Narrowly Beating Coronavirus, But Losing To Democrat In Kansas Senate Race

They hate him. Still.

Time for some Poll Porn, bow chicka bow bow! Now, don't get too excited — we are talking about Kansas here, so you know the GOP dude will be a godbothering freak show and the Democratic lady will have sensible, midwestern hair. Also the poll is from Public Policy Polling, a Democratic shop. But FiveThirtyEight gives PPP a "B" rating, and that's good enough for us, so TAKE IT ALL OFF BABY!

Actually, Kris Kobach can keep his clothes on forever, thankyouverymuch. And he might not want to quit his day job either, if the latest Senate polling is correct. (Does Kobach have a day job since that vote-rigging commission got disbanded and his legal insurance scam dried up?) Because PPP gives Democratic candidate Barbara Bollier a narrow, two-point lead over Kobach in this year's Senate contest. Which is, coincidentally, the same margin polls had for Democrat Laura Kelly over Kobach leading up Kansas's 2018 gubernatorial race, before she dick-kicked him 48 to 43.

In the PPP poll of 1,271 voters, about half approved of Donald Trump and preferred to vote for a Republican in November. But when asked, "If the candidates for US Senate this November were Democrat Barbara Bollier and Republican Kris Kobach, who would you vote for?" 44 percent chose Bollier, 42 percent went for Kobach, and 13 percent were undecided.

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Republicans, Don’t Come For Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer Unless She Calls For You

Michigan’s badass governor murders some fools for Easter.

Nonessential employees are stuck at home and bored during the coronavirus lockdown, and few things are less essential than Republicans. Some have decided to pass the time by coming for Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, and she keeps handing them their asses. I'm not one to kink shame but I suggest they spare themselves further embarrassment and just watch "Tiger King."

This weekend, Texas's junior senator and Donald Trump's wet wipe, Ted Cruz, tried to score one on Whitmer. He tweeted an article with what he believed was witty commentary about the $1,000 fines imposed on any Munchkins who dare defy the Wicked Whitmer of the Midwest's social distancing order. The photo attached showed the governor apparently breaking her own edict, signing her tyrannical law into effect among a crowd of contagious onlookers. Cruz didn't bother to consider that this was an old photo, especially since no one's dumb enough to have public signing ceremonies anymore during the coronavirus crisis. Whitmer's not a common Donald Trump.

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Wisconsin's Got Long Lines Of People Willing To Risk Their Lives To Go Vote

That's not right.

So far, Wisconsin only has 2,440 confirmed cases of COVID-19 — 422 cases per every million people. This, given the population of the state, puts them right in the middle — not super high, but not super low either. Schools have been closed since March 18, and everything else has been closed since March 25. They're doing reasonably OK. But, after today, that may change because, thanks to Republicans in Wisconsin and the conservatives on the Supreme Court, the state was unable to postpone its election today or even allow mail-in voters who have yet to receive their ballots to have an extension on returning them.

"You can vote but if you do you might catch a virus that will kill you and it will then be the last vote you ever cast in your life" sounds like the plot of a really bad mid-season replacement dystopian television series, but it's the reality in Wisconsin.

So today, the state is seeing long lines of people, attempting to stand six feet apart and not catch a virus that could kill them while they attempt to exercise their right to vote.

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