23-Year-Old Unemployed Hill Tool a Real Gift To White House

There are plenty of laughs in this National Journal article about the thousands of unemployed Republican staffers now begging for Bush Administration jobs, but our favorite is this part -- which proves the GOP knew all along that the midterms would be a bloodbath:

The White House has told GOP lawmakers and their staffs that it froze many political slots throughout the government before Election Day just so the administration could be ready to absorb furloughed Republicans. "They were prepared," said one senior House leadership aide, who asked not to be named.
And don't miss the charming tale of the 23-year-old Capitool with all of nine months on the job before his MoC was defeated. We've collected a few gems from this turbo, after the jump.

* The young GOP tool in question was an "executive assistant," or common secretary answering phones.

* Dude has had seven interviews with White House-run departments since the election.

* The Department of Labor offered him a job for more money than he was making on the Hill.

* He won't take it. "It's simply that I don't want to have labor issues stamped on my resume."

* His last paycheck comes next month.

* His parents "underwrite some of his living expenses."

* This guy is supported by his parents, surely belongs to Late Night Shots and has less than a year's experience answering phones. In other words, he's a great addition to any executive-branch department. "They are hiring people who are more qualified than they would otherwise have been able to do," he said.

* Some 3,000 Republicans are seeking Bush Administration jobs.

Executive branch courts Hill staffers left jobless after elections [National Journal]

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We feel like we say this a lot during these dark days of the Trump era, but WHAT IN THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK DID WE JUST WATCH? And how in the hell can anyone who claims to give a shit about this country be OK with the public tongue-bath Donald Trump just gave Vladimir Putin on live TV?

The reviews are starting to roll in:

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Elon Musk, Space Trash Cowboy

Silicon Valley's most arrogant asswipe is not a baby, he just pays people to wipe his ass.

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STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES! Elon Musk has been wronged! Newspapers, throw away your front pages! TV talking heads, scrap your A and B bloc! Someone change the tickers in Times Square!


When Vern Unsworth, the British cave explorer who helped rescue the trapped Thai soccer team, told CNN that Musk's mini-sub was a "PR Stunt" that had "absolutely no chance of working," he clearly wounded Musk's delicate constitution. But then Unsworth had to go a step further and tell Musk to "stick his submarine where it hurts."

Musk responded like a fucking adult by Tweeting that he never saw Unsworth when he flew to Thailand to personally deliver his mini-sub last week, adding, "Sorry Pedo guy, you really did ask for it."

"Pedo" -- short for "pedophile" -- seems a bit harsh and also a tiny bit libelous. This caused the Twitterverse to lose their minds and criticize Musk for being an asshole (again). Since Elon Musk is a gazillionaire with tons of free tweetin' time on his hands, he responded to his critics by doubling-down, "Bet ya a signed dollar it's true."

Musk later deleted the tweets and retreated to the relative safety of his secret moon base. Unsworth is now threatening to sue Musk, telling a Australian news outlet, "This is not finished. I think people realize what sort of guy he is."

The whole ordeal started started when Musk posted an unnecessarily dramatic video of a small submarine built out of a fuel pod used in one of the Space X rockets. The idea of stuffing a child in a tiny metal tube sounded amazing to fanboys, but a number of people immediately wondered if the hastily assembled claustrophobia simulator was ambi-turner.

Maybe Musk is just butthurt over all that money he was caught donating to Republican pacs? Maybe he's just venting after the NLRB said Musk violated labor laws when he discouraged Tesla workers from unionizing? Maybe we should change those front pages once again!


[WSJ / NBC News / BBC / Business Insider]

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