34 Times Family Circus Has Accurately Predicted The Future. Tabs, Fri., June 24, 2021

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Ahoy! It's me, Robyn, and it is my turn to do tabs. Yay for all of you!

The House passed bills regarding credit fairness for LGBTQ-owned businesses and ensuring veterans can get contraception without a co-pay, despite Majorie Taylor Greene whining on the floor that Plan B is an abortifacient, which it is not. These would be very exciting things if we could get them passed in the Senate, which we probably will not be able to because filibuster. — The Hill

A father-son Pastoring team were arrested for taking part in the Capitol riots, turned in by a congregant who traveled there with them. First one to talk gets the deal, as they say. — Click Orlando

Police in Dickson City, Pennsylvania had to break up an exorcism ... in a Home Depot ... for the dead trees that got turned into lumber. Not super clear if this is a weird environmental activist thing or a new cult, but either way I very much need answers — PennLive


Wendy Davis and others are suing cops and Trump supporters over the "Trump Train" harassing the "Biden Bus" and also I have an idea for a new musical. — Texas Tribune

And speaking of musicals ... Eddie Deezen, the actor best known for playing Eugene (the nerd guy) in Grease and Grease 2 (which I would argue is actually the superior movie), has been banned from several restaurants in Cumberland, Maryland,for being a super creep to a server. Apparently, he came in every time she was working to hit on her and also complain when she wasn't wearing false eyelashes, and then also complained on Facebook about her not wearing makeup, writing "She was 100% aware that I loved looking at her in the false eyelashes and she always would wear them." That's some nightmare fuel right there. — Daily Dot

Biden promised to end the ridiculously low salaries for federal firefighters, because literally running into fires and rescuing people is definitely worth more than $13 an hour. No, I'm not fucking with you, that is how much we actually pay people to run into fire. — NBC

All of the misogynistic Red Pill subreddits have left the site for less-moderated pastures. — We Hunted The Mammoth

Nancy Pelosi has announced plans to establish a select committee to investigate the January 6 Capitol riots ... which if you will recall was exactly what I said should happen. This is actually better than the bipartisan commission that Republicans voted against because all of the stupid concessions they pushed for before refusing to vote for it will not be conceded. Sucks to be them, I guess. — CNN

What kind of a freaking weirdo announces their pregnancy at someone else's engagement dinner by giving the bride-to-be a pair of baby shoes as a present? This lady's sister-in-law. Ew. — Am I The Asshole? on Reddit

Lena Dunham is making a Polly Pocket movie, ostensibly about a very tiny lady who spends all of her time in very tiny malls and parks and restaurants stuck inside mini-dimensions shaped like powder compacts. Still waiting on my Fashion Fillies movie about glamorous horses trying to make it in the high pressure world of fashion modeling. - Deadline

THE SEA LION MEME HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE! I REPEAT, THE SEA LION MEME HAPPENED IN ACTUAL REAL LIFE. — BBC

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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