BILL CLINTON NOT DEAD, YET: Uh oh. America's "first black president," Bill Clinton, had his bum ticker go nuts again today and almost died, in New York, where he lives with his wife Hillary Rodham-Clinton. But he's alive, and promises to save Haiti again: "Following a visit to his cardiologist, he underwent a procedure to place two stents in one of his coronary arteries. President Clinton is in good spirits, and will continue to focus on the work of his Foundation and Haiti's relief and long-term recovery efforts." Gross. Get well soon, President Clinton! Don't... stop... thinkin' about tomorrrrrow... [Washington Post]

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