KERIK GETS FOUR YEARS, FOR SAVING AMERICA: It's our "real" Homeland Security secretary, this two-bit thug ( = Greatest American since Nixon!): "WHITE PLAINS — Bernard B. Kerik, a former New York police commissioner who rose to national prominence, was sentenced to four years in prison on Thursday after pleading guilty to eight felony charges, including tax fraud and lying to White House officials." Don't worry, Rudy can always make conjugal visits. [NYT]