Obama Is Your New Nomi Malone
Sometimes people ask me, "Sara Benincasa, how do you find the time to stalk Barry O. when you live in New York City, not in the swampy deathquake that is the District of Columbia?" The answer is that I telecommute, using the Internets! Once a week on the White House Blog, someone by the name of Arun Chaudhary posts an installment of my favorite pornographic serial,West Wing Week. Someone (maybe it is Arun?) gives each episode a name! This is so adorable. This week's name is "6 Principals."
Barack Obama went to Las Vegas last week to speak about the Recovery Act and environmental crap. He also talked to Harry Reid, in public, on camera. Then it was time, probably, for the titty bars! Just titty bar after titty bar, with Barry smokin' his cocaine weed. Like all Muslin terrorists, Barry loves to make it rain on dem hoes!
And once a-fucking-gain, Arun & Co. leave out a few days in a highly suspicious maneuver! Is it really West Wing WEEK if I don't know what the fuck President Obama was up to on Saturday or Sunday? The only answer is that he was still in the titty bars, which stayed open for 72 hours straight to accommodate Our Dear Leader's unquenchable thirst for the champagne room.
On Monday, President Obama hid his titty hangover very well as he welcomed the Boy Scouts of America to the Oval Office. No, not all of them; just a few of them. Why? It's the 100th anniversary of the world's first NGO to combine rampant molestation with camping! Also, some Dominican guy showed up. He was initially denied access because he wasn't wearing a baseball uniform, but Nobama explained that not everyone from Thank-God-It's-Not-Haiti plays deportes. And then the titular "6 Principals" showed up, to give Obama detention, for the titty bars.
On Tuesday, he announced the appointment of Jacob "Jack" Lew to be the new director of the Office of Management and Budget, or something. It came as a striking blow to Edward "Eddie" Cullen, who brooded in his lair and then went out into the sun, to sparkle. Like me, his most loyal subject, Obamarrrr is Team Jacob!
On Wednesday, he had a meeting with the adorable Warren Buffett, who performs for legions of drunken white marijuana criminals under the moniker "Jimmy." Then Obama condescended to meet with former President Bill Clinton, who said, "Titty bars, huh? Heh heh" and then told him all about something to do with the environment, or whatever (haha, go to 1:25 to see how thrilled Barry looks to be in Bubba's presence).
On Thursday he flew to Michigan, our nation's most depressing non-Southern state, in order to visit a factory site and hang out with foxy Jennifer "Aniston" Granholm. Why does Barack Obama crave the company of white women? Somewhere, a black lady is hysterically asking this question, on Twitter.
Then he went back to the White House and talked more about the economy. This time it was quite literally raining, which made Barack Obama smile, thinking of where he'd been only a few days before. "That one gal, with the curly blond hair," he mused to himself. "There was something different about her." He proceeded to fire America's Wacky Grampa Vice President Joe Biden and appoint Nomi Malone in his place.
Have a great weekend, you sick fucks! I'll be here in NYC, dancing like no one's watching and pushing Gina Gershon down a flight of stairs, also like no one's watching.