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POSH-PONCE DAVID CAMERON SIRES PREEMIE PRINCESS: U.K. Prime Minister and known cock-thinker David Cameron's wife gave birth (slightly early) to a girl while the royal couple was on vacation in Cornwall; Cameron claims that they will come up with some kind of pagan Celtic Cornish name as a result, making her ineligible to become Queen. The Prime Minister will be taking "paternity leave" like a typical communist European, leaving the country in the hands of the adorable Nick Clegg. [BBC]

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