7 Time Lottery Winner: You're All Playing The Lottery Wrong. Tabs, Mon., Feb. 3, 2020

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This dumb commercial made me laugh three times. This has been your Super Bowl Commercial content.

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We had a poll at my Super Bowl party! It was six for Elizabeth Warren (including our fire captain Wonkette-reading friend) and one for Bernie Sanders. Old Dad's second choice after Bernie Sanders is Mike Bloomberg, so do with that information what you will. (Yell at Old Dad.) (About the Bloomberg part. And the being sexist. Or you don't have to, we already did.)

Washington Post: Iowa Suxxxx. Okay, its caucus is "fundamentally flawed." Same thing!

A Cancer Patient Stole Groceries Worth $109.63. She Was Sentenced to 10 Months. Totally normal. (New York Times)

Aaaand another. (NYT)

The Washington Post editorial board -- yes the one that is still headed by Fred Hiatt, I checked -- has some STERN FUCKING WORDS: Ukraine wouldn't do Trump's dirty work. So GOP senators are doing it instead.

One DNC lady worked at Facebook for a while and is in charge of combatting Facebook disinformation for Democrats. Godspeed, DNC lady. (CNN)

Look at these fucking assholes.

Sex Offenders Were Becoming Cops. After Our Stories, Alaska's Governor Wants That To End. (ProPublica)

"Women to One Side, Men to the Other": How the Border Patrol's New Powers and Old Carelessness Separated a Family (ProPublica again)

John Kerry denies denies denies talking about getting into the race to stop Bernie Sanders. Give it up John Kerry, only my mom loves you, and she loves Bernie waaaay more. Still, the "no fucking way" tweet was good, but then you deleted it.

Former House of Commons Speaker Correct: Meghan a victim of racism and sexism, says Bercow

Library of Congress censored the Women's March too. Cool cool.

Michael Avenatti's Lonely Fall. I finally got a New York mag subscription, so ... CLICK.

Oh no they accidentally killed the fake robot spy monkey and then they were SAD!

Apple crumble! Whatever you do, do not divide this recipe between two pans. You will end up with very delicious apple pie filling and NO PIE.

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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