74-Year-Old Grandma Shocked Doctors: Forget About Botox, Do This! Tabs, Fri., May 7, 2021

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Tabs gifs by your friend Martini Ambassador!

CORRECT.

Since California Gov. Gavin Newsom declined my advice to expropriate the fuck out of PG&E, and is letting them pay victims of their statewide fires instead, the Fire Victims Fund has paid out $7 million to displaced people and $50 million in "overhead." While tens of thousands of people have yet to see a dime, and others will get a third of what they're owed, the fund's "claims administrators" make $1250 an hour, and no you didn't miss the decimal point. There wasn't one. (KQED)

Mixed bag from DHS, as Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas is focusing on reuniting separated families (yay, hurry up please!) and not on putting Stephen Miller and John Kelly in jail ... yet (boo, hurry up please!). — NBC News

Watch your back, Kevin McCarthy, Elise Stefanik's gunning for everyone. — Charlie Pierce at Esquire

Lin Wood, Qook, apparently trying to take over the South Carolina GOP. Will he? Won't he? Would you bet against it? (Tim Miller at The Bulwark)

Psst, you wanna see some R on R violence?


Psst you wanna see some more? Trump's next insurrection will have full Republican Party support, because they're embarrassed that histrionic Liz Cheney just can't let it go. (Jonathan Chait at New York mag)

This Capitol rioter, who had a hearing on Zoom yestertoday, does not sound well. — Daily Beast / criminal complaint

Facebook's problem isn't Trump: It's its shitty algorithm that rewards Ben Shapiro and other shitty rightwing misinformation. You can skim down past the parts about the Oversight Board (who cares) till you get to the third header, Facebook's Algorithm Problem, in One Chart. And they're doing it on purpose. — Judd Legum at Popular Info

Giuliani cuts down his entourage. Poor (poor) Rudy Giuliani :( (Politico)

The who from the what now? "The Teachable Moment All Men Need To Take From Ben Affleck's Dating App Debacle." I'll bite, HuffPost. Okay, it was a lot of words and interviewing Hot Girls From Instagram to get to "teachable moments" about this. I have many strongly negative feelings, and none of them are about Ben Affleck (for once), but why be mean to strangers on the internet about super nasal a capella songs or uncanny valley faces?

Shoot, I was trying really hard not to be shitty to random people who didn't do anything to me on the internet. Oh well, pobody's nerfect!

Twitter's got a new tip jar (not available for me or for Wonkette yet, thank you for asking!), and Vox does that contextualizing splainy Vox thing it does, on the streamer and creator tipping economy. (Vox)

Ah, doesn't it sound WONDERFUL? "A woman who went missing nearly 6 months ago was found living in a national forest in Utah, subsisting off grass and moss." — Yahoo

Gin, lemon, and honey? (And thyme, if you listen to the one lady on this recipe's comments. AND I DO.) We have those things! Shy, I'll take a Bee's Knees please. (Liquor)

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Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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