Maybe Trump Just Loves Putin More Than He Loves American Troops

Every single time there's an update on the story of Vladimir Putin paying Taliban fighters up to $100,000 per head for American troops' heads, it gets worse. The New York Times is a dog with a bone right now, reporting last night on the Afghan contractor who handed out the cash, for the dead American troops. Business Insider is also killing it lately, and reported late yesterday afternoon confirmations from the Taliban, which went to pains to add that Only Bad Talibans do such things. Those Talibans are Tali-BAD, and if they keep this up, they are going to be Tali-BANNED.

OK we'll stop.

Point is, it keeps getting worse, and Donald Trump has definitely been briefed on this by now, but he's either unwilling or not allowed to do anything about it, because of how Putin may very well control him in some way.

The Washington Post reported Thursday night on Trump's plans to stick his thumbs up his unpatriotic ass and continue doing nothing:

The White House is not planning an immediate response to intelligence reports of Russian bounties given to Taliban-linked militants to kill U.S. and coalition forces in Afghanistan because President Trump does not believe the reports are true or "actionable," according to two senior administration officials.

He just doesn't believe it, you guys. He's not "convinced." Just like the coronavirus, he thinks it's another fake news Democrat witch hoax meant to hurt him, which is exactly what he tweeted about it Wednesday morning.

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Trump Keeps Claiming Russian Bounties 'Unverified.' We Do Not Think It Means What He Thinks It Means.

The White House would like you to believe that America's intelligence agencies are so incompetent that they couldn't "verify" the Russian bounty payments to kill American troops, when half of Afghanistan knew about it a year ago. The New York Times needed just five days to track down the guy handing out Russian cash, but somehow the CIA and military couldn't work it out for two straight years. That is really the story they're going with here. Because Donald Trump is stupid, and the people around him know he's stupid, and they're desperately hoping that you are also stupid and will believe any stupid nonsense they put out there.

"We always act in the best interest of our troops, but this is unverified still at this very moment," White House Liar Kayleigh McEnany told reporters yesterday, even as National Security Advisor Robert O'Brien was briefing congress on GRU wires of hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash to Taliban agents.

Here on Planet Earth, American intelligence agencies have known for more than a year about Putin's bounty scheme. As the Times reported Tuesday, US officials spotted cash flowing into Afghanistan from Unit 29155 of the GRU, i.e. the same guys who sent assassins to smear nerve agent on Sergei Skripal's doorknob in England. That's how they knew which house in Kabul to raid six months ago to find $500,000 in cash. Which seems like pretty decent verification, TBQH!

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Oh No, Donald Trump Hates Ivanka's Husband Again

Oh good, it's time for another episode of "Trump is sore displeased with Jared, Crown Prince Of Failing Upward, and this time things are really gonna change!"

The last time we wrote this article was June 23, after Jared Kushner and Brad Parscale fucked up Trump's fail rally in Tulsa. Before that we wrote it June 9. Before that we wrote it in March and maybe also sometime in between that we forget. The only day we're sure didn't write it was February 27, which we're only bringing up because that day Donald Trump should have been reading about Vladimir Putin paying $100,000 per American head to Taliban fighters, but instead he was doing trustfalls with Diamond and Silk. (God, what a dick we are for bringing that up in every post now!)

Anyway, fuck it, let's write it again. Axios, tell us the scoop you never got before, because it's BRAND NEW:

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Trump Just Gonna Give COVID-19 The Silent Treatment Until It Behaves Itself

Donald Trump planned to sail to re-election over the clear seas of a booming economy he'd inherited from Barack Obama. He was going to raise lynch mobs against congresswomen of color at his hate rallies while getting in a few rounds of golf every other day. Then COVID-19 arrived and ruined Trump's fun. It's also proven inconvenient for the 127,762 people who've died thanks to his administration's inept response.

Trump would like the coronavirus to just go away. He's offered it money like Ivana but it won't budge. This is a Fatal Attraction pandemic. However, the president has thought long and hard about the nation's public health crisis, and he's settled on a strategy that he revealed during a Fox Business interview Wednesday.

That's right. The president is going with just complete and total denial. Wake up, asshole, there were 50,000 new cases yesterday!

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Nice Time

Here Is Your Fourth Of July Nice Things Spectacular!

No fireworks here, though; it would scare the pets.

It's the Fourth of July, at a time when going out and doing the usual Fourth of July things might be a bit more dangerous than the typical sunburns, potato salad that sat out too long, or tongs-related injuries (you silly BBQ klutz, you). So let's make the best of it, maybe watch Hamilton, and relax with a collection of oddments from around the webs. If you want to, you could even look at our Independence Day reading collection from last year, one part of which we're going to just copy-paste right into this post here, because it's timelier than ever. Stay safe, wear that mask, and if you need to join the dogs under the coffee table when the neighbors start shooting off fireworks, scritch 'em behind the ears for me. The dogs, not the neighbors.

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Weekly Top Ten

Wonkette's Top 10 Is Fiiiiiiireworks!

You come read your Top 10 stories right now!

Hello and welcome to your Patriotic America Jazz Hands Sparklemotion Spangled Splodey Fourth of July Independence Day Wonkette Top 10, as chosen by a group of nice aliens who probably won't laser us to bits at all!

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Pow! Bang! Fireworks! It Is Wonkette's Holiday Begapalooza!

Happy Independence Day from the world's last independent news website, we assume!

Working for the weekend? US TOO! And it's gonna be a peaceful easy one, just a top 10 and some sort of "holiday post" and then Robyn with a lazy Sunday. Which means this month's moneybeg reminder that Wonkette is entirely reader-supported can sit up top for a nice long stretch if you get bored with your famblies and decide to check the Wonkette Dick Joke Emporium for half-off dick joke sales.

I didn't do a proper moneybeg reminder that Wonkette is entirely reader-supported at you last month, because we got some stimmy and why hound you when everything is fine? You know I don't like to nag jk jk jk I DO.

But last month also saw a 20 percent drop in recurring donations, which for a news site mommyblog recipe hub that runs entirely on reader donations is worrisome indeed! And I know you like it better when I'm focusing on assigning, editing, accounting, HR, thank you notes, and watching that shithead like a hawk 12 hours a day so you don't have to than when I'm focusing on OH NO HOW WILL I PAY WONKETTE'S FIVE FULL-TIME STAFFERS AND FOUR OR FIVE PART-TIME AND/OR FREELANCE. That part sucks and no one likes it and it makes me yell at people and cry and drink a lot and nobody wants that and I haven't had to worry all year so don't make me start now.

But there are a million of you per month in these parts lately, and about 350,000 "core readers" who come here all the time, rain or shine, Facebook links or Facebook throttling, and of those there are about 4000 of you who donate your widow's mite or your rich fuckwad not-mite to Wonkette each month. And those 4000 people can't do it all, all the time, as witnessed by people having to cancel their vig. So I propose that if you are one of the 996,000 who aren't forking some canned clams over to us, and if you are at all able but just haven't felt like grabbing your credit card or your Paypal login, or thought "meh I will do it next time," or thought "fuck you Wonkette I hate you so much no I don't just kidding but also I like my money," well perhaps this could be the day you finally say "YES here is my credit card I LOVE YOU, NEVER DIE."

Again, if you are having economic hardship right now, this does not apply to you, so please don't feel bad even a tiny. You are perfect just as you are, and I'm so glad you're here!

But if you are a person who has an extra $5 or $20 or $1,000,000 a month, keep us in mind, here with our headlamps on our foreheads, excavating away in that fucker's ass, which believe it or not is not the most wholesome place to be. We do it for you, and also for us, because we care about informing, and being informed, and being super gross the whole time we're at it.

A million readers a month is more than the population of six states and the District of Columbia (separately, not together). Even our core 350,000 readers are about the same as the populations of the US Virgin Islands, Northern Mariana Islands, American Samoa, and Guam (together, not separately!). I think a population that size can keep a small, scrappy but professional as fuck news outlet swimming in bread and roses.

So BREAD AND ROSES US! Click how much you want to donate, whether it's once or recurring, and then whether you want to use Paypal or the credit card processor Stripe, because I feel like some people don't know they have to do that last step, like my mom thought she'd been sending us a regular $2 every time we made her laugh for ages when she hadn't. We love you.

(To get to the comments, click on the headline, because this is your OPEN THREAD.)

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