It's Not About Liz Cheney, It's About The Dumpster Fire That Is The GOP

This is not a post about Liz Cheney.

Okay, well, to be precise, it is a post about Liz Cheney getting booted out of Republican leadership and probably Congress. But in reality it's a story about THEM and US. It's a story about all the times we wondered if the GOP had finally, finally reached the breaking point where Trump's behavior would be so egregious that Republicans would say "enough is enough" and the spell would be broken.

It didn't happen when he attacked Gold Star families who had sacrificed their children in war. It didn't happen with the Access Hollywood tape. It didn't happen when he implored Russia to hack Hillary Clinton's emails. It didn't happen when he cozied up to Putin and shrugged off his seizure of Crimea.

It didn't happen when he blew up NAFTA or started a disastrous trade war with China. You're supposed to threaten to do that shit, while pocketing the benefits of leaving things as they are, dumbass!

It didn't happen when he exploded the debt and raided military funds for his idiotic border wall. It didn't happen when he obstructed the Mueller investigation. It didn't happen when Republicans lost the House in 2018. It didn't happen when he turned public health into a political issue and got 600,000 Americans killed in a viral pandemic.

It didn't even happen when he dispatched a gang of thugs with murder in their eyes to sack Congress.

How could these people abandon everything they ever said they believed in, their "Judeo-Christian" morality, their own safety, not to mention objective reality, for a reprobate carnival barker?

They could, and without difficulty. And we could never get our minds around it.

Keep reading... Show less

People Are Marrying Their Friends And The Federalist Will Not Stand For It

Glenn T. Stanton, Focus on the Family's director of Global Family Formation Studies (whatever that is) and columnist at The Federalist, is feeling silenced.

He's not being arrested for his beliefs, he's not being murdered for them, he's not having his vocal cords severed. He has published multiple books and has many platforms on which to share his beliefs. But, nonetheless, he feels silenced.

Why? Because according to a New York Times trend piece, people are entering into platonic marriages and did not even bother to check with him first to see if he was okay with that. Rude!

Keep reading... Show less

The Liberals Who Can't Quit 'The Liberals Who Can't Quit Lockdown' Stories

For some weeks — feels like years! — we've been getting very strange stories about the "both sides" of the pandemic debate: Trumpy shitbags who think putting a cloth mask over your mouth (AND NOSE) is tyranny, and liberals who insist on wearing them anyway. Brian Stelter of CNN called some anxious liberals "pandemic addicts." Maybe I am! If the shoe fits, I will wear it out of the store! (LOL like my town has a "shoe" "store.")

Some stories focus on liberals no longer following the science — liberals claim to looooove science and want to rub up on science and do sex on science, but some are still wearing masks outside, even though the CDC says people do not need to wear masks outside. Others purport to be about outdoor mask mandates but quickly veer into the real problem: People choosing to wear masks when the writer does not think they should wear masks.

Don't get me wrong, these are not the same people who compare masks to Nazi armbands.

And yet that's the company these writers are keeping. They're tired of this pandemic, they want it gone, and they're personally offended — like Trump! — by the reminder. They're just rationalizing it better, or at all.

Fuckin' right I just called them Trump.

We've gone from desperately begging people to do their part to stop killing themselves and their neighbors to yelling at liberals for being PC and virtue signaling and "in love" with "lockdown." You're not doing your part to project normalcy post-vaccination, these writers (and the large media companies behind them) say. People must have naked faces to look forward to if they vaccinate. The stories just seem to leave out one tiny part:

The pandemic isn't over yet.

Keep reading... Show less

Sorry About Your Breakfast, It's Time For The Josh Duggar Update

Josh Duggar is on his way out of jail, where he'll be free to see his wife and children after being arrested last week for child porn. That's right, the firstborn of the Duggar clan was granted bail, as a judge has decided it's fine for him to be around his own children, but not anybody else's children. (As if familial ties ever stopped him before.) But don't worry, his wife is required to be with him at all times when he's with the children. So that's "comforting."

He has to wear an ankle monitor, and will be "confined to the home of family friends who have agreed to be his custodian during his release," per the AP. He's also not allowed to be anywhere near the internet, for obvious reasons, and he can't ask his babysitters for their internet passwords. And it's literally on the list that he's not allowed to watch porn, in case he was wondering.

Keep reading... Show less

Not Feeling Mother's Day? Celebrate 'Hooray For Buttons Day' Instead!

Unless you're Amish, in which case you are probably not reading this anyway.

Today is Mother's Day. For some amount of people, it's a super happy and fun day that traditionally involves flowers and mimosas in some capacity, possibly a greeting card or two, presents if you're fancy. Or just a day to hang out with your mother, whom you actually like and get along with. For other people, it's maybe a little more complicated. Maybe your relationship with your mother is a little complicated. Maybe your mother is no longer around for whatever reason. Maybe you haven't seen her in over a year because of the pandemic and this, like so many other holidays in the past year, just kind of feels like a real bummer.

Whatever your reason — we have another holiday for you to celebrate. Because this is America and every day is a holiday you've never heard of before.

Today? Well, today is also National Lost Sock Memorial Day, Moscato Day, Day of the National Emblem and Flag of Belarus, National Butterscotch Brownie Day, National Sleepover Day, National Tear Off The Mattress Tags Day, National Veal Ban Action Day, and ... Hooray For Buttons Day.

Keep reading... Show less
Right Wing Extremism

How Did Liz Cheney Become The Sympathetic Gangster In This GOP Gangster Movie?

This is very emotionally confusing.

The Republican Party's slow but steady march to a full-blown, know-nothing cult of personality centered around a scuzzy reality TV host is both compelling and terrifying. Wyoming Rep. Liz Cheney has tried to stand athwart this sordid history, "yelling stop," but no one else in her ragamuffin party is "inclined to do so, or to have much patience with those who so urge it." Her colleagues will soon dump her in favor of an opportunistic, sell-out puppet job. It's a tragedy, if you're inclined to consider bad things happening to Republicans tragic.

Cheney had survived an earlier post-impeachment attempt to remove her from leadership, but the peace didn't last for long. Last month, at a GOP retreat, Cheney saw how deep the brain rot went when the party was presented with polling data that supposedly showed that a president who just lost reelection is actually super awesome and popular.

Keep reading... Show less

Raise Less Corn, More Hell

Getting better all the time.

Here is your presumably 10th rendition of Mi Mamacita Communista, or Things My Mother Taught Me, which I first wrote for May Day 2008, shortly before the country found its mind and elected the smart nice Black guy, and started serializing I guess in 2012, when I bought this joint. Some different things have happened since then! I no longer think Stalin was hilarious, and it turns out Daniel Ortega is not that awesome of a Nicaraguan president, so that's upsetting. But after last year's rendition featured "global pandemic" and "President Trump," well, once again the country has found its mind. It only ever takes absolute world-on-fire catastrophe to set a slim majority straight.

And the things, they are getting better. A weekend — 17 weekends? — ago, I went to Detroit for my little brother's college graduation from U of M. At some point, my hard Berner brother looked at me, and with a Tucker Carlson golden retriever face, asked, unprompted: "Becca: Joe Biden .... GOOD????"

So far, God willing and the creek don't rise.

Love your mother — and your brother.

And so today is May Day! We can have — or heave! — a cocktail for the working man. We can put on Our Marching Zapatos of Ocupado Justice! We can do lots and loads of things! But me, I'm missing mi mamacita communista. She didn't die or anything, she just retired and moved back to Oklahoma, where they still (unaccountably) haven't burned her for a witch.

These are things my mother taught me.

Keep reading... Show less

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)