In The Republican Grift-o-Sphere, There Are No Patsies

On Tuesday the Washington Post published an article on hapless Republican congressional candidates, hoodwinked by greedy media companies that exploit their fundraising prowess and leave them with nothing. The horror!

Patient Zero for this investigation is Kimberly Klacik, the failed GOP congressional candidate in Maryland's 7th District. Klacik professed that she "almost passed out" when she discovered she'd pocketed less than a quarter of her fundraising haul after one of her campaign ads went viral.

While the Post notes in passing that the spot, produced by Newsmax's Benny Johnson, "showed her marching in a red dress and high heels past abandoned buildings in Baltimore, asserting that Democrats do not care about Black lives," it neglects to mention that it went viral because Donald Trump and his vile elder son used it as a stick to beat a majority-Black Democratic city with. Nor does it query why a candidate running to represent the people of Maryland in our nation's capital couldn't be bothered to read her own vendor contracts. Probably because they were too busy tut-tutting over poor Kim Klacik getting chewed up and spit out by "the system."

Her campaign is an example of how some consulting firms are profiting handsomely from Republican candidates who have robust appeal in today's politically charged environment — even when they are running in deep-blue districts where it is virtually impossible for them to win. The more viral the candidate goes, the more money the companies make — a model possible only through the online outrage machine of hyperpartisan politics.

Fundraising companies say their fees are well-earned and still leave candidates with more money than they would have if their ads had not been shared widely. But critics, including Klacik and some other 2020 candidates, say the system is deceptive, trapping first-time politicians in onerous contracts that siphon away cash their donors intended for them.

As of this writing, the piece is still trending in the Local section, although it includes precious little "local" background to flesh out the story. But I grew up in the 7th District and currently reside next door in the 3rd, and this article pissed me off enough to write a 20-tweet thread about it, so, yes, let's talk about poor Kim Klacik, caught in the clutches of those ruthless ad guys, shall we?

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Dems Need To Insult Their Base And Love Big Oil And Tell White People They're Not Racist Even When They Are

Matthew Yglesias, formerly of Vox, offered Democrats some advice on his “Slow Boring" Substack that we imagine he believes is helpful somehow. Yglesias claimed that Democrats should “try harder to win elections." Democrats currently control the White House and both chambers of Congress. They beat incumbent Republican senators in Arizona and Georgia. Yes, they really need to get off their asses.

Yglegias defines trying harder as spitting on the party's base and running to the "center." Democrats have enjoyed electoral success in the past two election cycles thanks to increased support from suburban voters and moderates, but apparently we could do even better if we beat Republicans to the punch on their BS culture war issues.

For example, Yglesias sees ample opportunity for growth if Democrats join the anvil chorus and denounce so-called “cancel culture."

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Wingnut Matt Walsh: That Onion Story About The Five-Bladed Razor But It's Gay Dads And Sex Robots

Funny how with Donald Trump gone and an actually competent president in the White House, the Right is right back to its Culture War games of old, at least in between efforts to make sure Republicans never have to face fair elections. Yesterday, Daily Wire columnist Matt Walsh devoted his internet video program to a rant about how America is bound for madness and destruction because liberals are out to wreck the family. Darn those liberal family wreckers! Seems they've been gunning for "the traditional family" forever! Or at least since the Christian Right discovered in the Reagan years that it could endlessly fundraise off the terrifying specter of Mom and Dad being sent to the gulag by lesbians who'll make your baby vote for Ted Kennedy.

So here's the relevant chunk of Walsh's rant, no doubt taken completely out of context to make him seem like an idiot:

Haha, we are kidding! There's no context in which this isn't idiotic!

We have seen three men call themselves dads. Soon, that's not going to be the strangest or most disturbing combination. Give it enough time and even the self-professed "conservatives" will be defending the three dad concept as valid and equal, while maybe offering polite pushback to the newer "four dads and three sex robots" family units. I wish I was exaggerating, but this is the path we put ourselves on when we moved away from the mother-father nuclear family structure.
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Liar Goes Home

Kayleigh McEnany, one of the greatest liars to ever lie nonstop from the White House briefing room, has gone home. She was 32.

She is still 32, because the fucker ain't dead, she's just snaked her way into a job lying her stupid face off on Fox News, which is where she belonged in the first place. That's what we mean by "home." We assume she is otherwise unemployable, but Fox News will be a good fit, as it is for all the other deplorable Trump morons who end up working there.

Media Matters has a good roundup of McEnany's greatest lies. She was an enthusiastic, prodigious asshole when it came to promoting Trump's fascist Big Lie that he won an election wherein he actually got his loser ass stomped. Personally, we will always remember the time she got hired for her job, promised to never lie to the journalists during the briefings, and made it maaaaaybe 15 minutes without lying. Oh, and the Wisconsin Ditch Ballots! That was a fun series of really stupid lies from McEnany, who on top of her lying has been drawing a paycheck for years to pretend she, a 2016 Harvard law grad, is just jawdropping weapons-grade stupid.

Fox News asshole Harris Faulkner announced today that McEnany was joining the Fox News "family" (of liars), but didn't say exactly what she would be doing. Maybe she could do a new segment called "Make It More Bullshit!" Like, a "Fox & Friends" idiot could say a lie about a genderless Potato Head, or Tucker Carlson could go on one of his shriek-y white supremacist sperm rants, and then they could cut in like "Kayleigh, make it more bullshit!" and she would have five seconds to come up with an even more astounding lie than the one the Fox News host just told. She would always deliver the goods.

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Snake Oil & General Woo

Ladies, Stop Giving Yourself Menopause, Says Professional Diagnostic Face Reader

That is not a thing.

Great news, ladies! If you only ever eat raw food, don't drink or smoke and drink enough water, you can have a baby when you are 80 years old! At least according to this ridiculous man on Twitter who somehow has over 480,000 followers!

According to Roger Bezanis, who describes himself in his bio as "Whole Food Raw Foodism Founder, Diagnostic Face Reading & Health Expert, Author, Educator, I'm not a doctor, I teach them & define the rules of health today," menopause is not a natural part of women's lives, but rather a response to "bad diet choices, toxic habits and big medicine drug accumulation."


This theory is backed up by a portrait of a woman who has eaten only raw grapes, avocados, broccoli, etc. on one side of her face, and has eaten cooked foods, alcohol and even smoked with the other. On the one side, she's twenty years old and on the other she's about 70 — which, frankly, seems like a wonderful age to not have to worry about still having kids! — and that is proof that Roger Benzanis's theories on this are correct. Also that it is probably very difficult for this woman to do her makeup.

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News

Newt Gingrich Mad About Transgenders Dominating Dr. Seuss Or Something, We Don't Know

YAHTZEE!

Let's play wingnut grievance boner bingo with Tucker Carlson and Newt Gingrich! It's an easy game. You just say as many words as you can, as fast as you can, that fall under the category of "Things that make Tucker Carlson's geriatric white supremacist viewers shit their Depends."

Can Newt single-handedly get a bingo as fast as he can divorce a woman on her way in for a little light cancer surgery? GONNA FIND OUT.

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popular

March 4 In Labor History: Hello Frances Perkins!

Come on and learn a thing!

On March 4, 1933, the newly inaugurated president Franklin Delano Roosevelt nominated Frances Perkins as secretary of Labor. This first female Cabinet member in American history, Perkins was a remarkable figure who dedicated her life to improving the lives of working Americans.

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