Tucker And Laura Teaching Your Nana To Sympathize With QAnon-Loving Domestic Terrorists

If your mom or your dad or your lonely neighbor who keeps to himself and kind of creeps you out was watching Fox News last night, they got to see two of their favorites give them tacit permission to believe a rewarmed Nazi conspiracy theory for the internet age, wherein Democrats and George Soros and all the other (((Jews))) are secretly controlling the world and trafficking children so they can sexually abuse them and steal their adrenochrome for fountain of youth purposes. Yes, their best boy Tucker Carlson, who they bet would be a great son, husband or boyfriend, and Laura Ingraham, who also comes on Fox News, gave them that validation.

Tucker and Laura made your parents and or creepy neighbor feel like it is totally reasonable to believe that MAYBE an 1871 law they'd never heard of until somebody talked about it on the internet this week made the United States IN ACTUALITY an it's not a democracy it's a republic a corporation, which means nobody has to obey any laws passed after that year, and also on March 4, Donald Trump will become the 19th president of the REAL United States, because obviously.

Tucker and Laura weren't saying they believe those things, mind you. They were just saying you have the absolute God-given inalienable right to believe them, and if somebody tries to take that away from you, then you are now "a slave."

Here is what your racist batshit Uncle Dale heard Tucker say last night, while Uncle Dale was cleaning his guns and heating up a Hungry Man, by himself:

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Biden Replaces 'Voice Of America' GOP Hacks With All The Journos They Fired

Just moments after being sworn in, President Joe Biden demanded the resignation of Michael Pack, the Bannon ally Trump dispatched to the United States Agency for Global Media, the parent agency of Voice of America and our other international radio networks, with the mission of murdering them dead. And not a moment too soon!

During Pack's disastrous tenure, he systematically gutted the senior leadership, tore down the firewall protecting journalistic integrity, launched a witch hunt against reporters for supposed anti-Trump bias, and squandered millions of dollars in legal fees in an attempt to justify it all. He will not be missed.

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Top Five Reasons Retiring GOP Sen. Rob Portman Can Go F*ck Himself

Republican Senator Rob Portman of Ohio announced Monday that he's not running for reelection in 2022. He blamed supposed "partisan gridlock," which is entirely Mitch McConnell's fault. Senate Democrats seek “bipartisan consensus" like puppies begging for table scraps. Anyway, here's why Portman thinks the Senate sucks now:

We live in an increasingly polarized country where members of both parties are being pushed further to the right and further to the left, and that means too few people who are actively looking to find common ground. This is not a new phenomenon, of course, but a problem that has gotten worse over the past few decades.

A few things: Senate Democrats' newest members are all to the right of Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, and that's fine! We're a big tent! Raphael Warnock isn't really a “radical liberal Marxist." That was a Republican lie. Josh Hawley, however, is a radical rightwing asshole, and he was elected the same year as conservative Democrat Kyrsten Sinema.

Warren and Ted Cruz were both elected in 2012. Warren is not dramatically more liberal than Ted Kennedy, whose seat she holds. Kennedy was the lion of the Senate, but Cruz is the weasel who feeds on dysfunction. Warren didn't pull silly stunts like shutting down the government or taking entirely the wrong message from Green Eggs and Ham.

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Trump Idiots So Unemployable They Might Have To Work For Trump

Let's check in on the former occupant of the White House:

Great, totally cool, sounds normal. He's hiring his former aides as secretaries to write the tweets he's not allowed to send and whatever "work" he decides to not engage in as a disgraced former president, one to whom the law is probably about to catch up any day.

Let's check in with the former employees of the former occupant of the White House:

Hahahahahahahahaha, OK.

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Go Off, MyPillow Guy, Go Off!

When even Tucker lookin' at you like ...

Mike Lindell, AKA the MyPillow guy, AKA Le gar de MyPillow, is having a week. He's been permanently banned from Twitter, for constantly pushing Donald Trump's fascist Big Lie about winning an election he lost in a landslide. And now all the TV channels and the big box stores are saying they don't want to sell his stupid dumpster pillows no more. :(

Boy, things sure have changed for him ever since the weekend before Joe Biden's inauguration, when Trump invited Lindell to the White House to show off his very brilliant plan for how they could still pull off a fascist coup, even after Trump incited that Capitol terrorist attack on January 6.

El chico de MyPillow went on Tucker last night to explain what Twitter did to him:

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Want 52 Democratic Senators? Make DC A Damn State!

This is worth bothering your Democratic senators about early and often. Let the GOP whine about it.

The "Taxation Without Representation" plates are back on the presidential limo, and there are pending bills in the House and Senate proposing to make the District of Columbia the 51st state. No wonder that craven sumbitch Mitch McConnell was so hot to preserve the filibuster — if we nuke it and add DC, we could have two more Democratic senators by 2022.

Hey, maybe we should do that!

"Our nation's capital is home to more than 700,000 Americans who, despite our nation's founding mantra — 'no taxation without representation' — pay their share of taxes without full voting representation in either chamber of Congress," wrote Senator Tom Carper (D-DE), the sponsor of the Senate legislation. "In fact, despite paying more in federal taxes per capita than citizens of any of the 50 states, DC residents have no say in how those taxes are actually spent."

With 39 co-sponsors, including Homeland Security Chair Gary Peters, the bill will finally get out of committee for a vote. So we can have that public debate about the fundamental fairness of relegating US citizens who want to be a state — 86 percent of them voted for it in 2016 — to second class citizens deprived of federal representation.

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Right Wing Extremism

Kevin McCarthy Gonna Have Long Heart-To-Heart With Marjorie Taylor Greene, That'll Fix Everything

Good luck with that.

CNN broke the story Tuesday that revealed Republican House Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene is a horrible person. We're still recovering from the shock. This “hit piece," as Greene calls it, focuses on her statements and actions from the faraway distant past of 2018 and 2019, back when we could leave our homes without covering our faces.

GOP House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy reportedly found Greene's comments “deeply disturbing" and plans to have a “conversation" with her. It's not exactly a “come to Jesus meeting" because Jesus wouldn't want to be in the same room with so much pistol-packing crazy.

McCarthy isn't a licensed therapist, so it's not clear what good this conversation will do. Greene is beyond a stern finger-wagging lecture. Like George Costanza, she may need to get involved at the university level, with a team of psychiatrists working round the clock. (Allegedly!)

He's already had a “you're a congresswoman now!" pep talk with fellow Sedition Caucus member Lauren Boebert, after which he defended them to the press and asked that we give conspiracy theorists a chance.

Our party is very diverse and you mentioned two people who will join our party. And the only thing I would ask of you in the press, these are new members, give them an opportunity before you claim what you believe they have done and what they will do. I think it's fair for all.
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