Wonkette Weekend Chat: ‘What The Hell, Wisconsin?’ Edition

Last week’s Wisconsin Republican primary produced results that demanded we activate the Jamie Signal and summon our badass law-talker to discuss the escalating electoral mess. Fascism’s on the march!


Wisconsin Primary: Trump-Backed Sociopath Defeats Pence-Backed Sociopath!

Vote And Die! Democracy According To The US Supreme Court And Wisconsin Supreme Court

We kick off at 12 pm PT, 3 pm ET, and 2 pm Robyn time. Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe! See you soon.


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Trump Wraps Unprecedented Week With Warrant Showing Investigation For OH JUST ESPIONAGE

Poor Donald Trump! He's having the worst week ever thanks to the Radical Democrat Witch Hunt. It's no wonder the old guy is confused about WHAT IS LIBRARY?

President Barack Hussein Obama kept 33 million pages of documents, much of them classified. How many of them pertained to nuclear? Word is, lots!

Oh, but Your Wonkette is silly on Fridays! Because we come here not to praise Caesar, but to bury his sorry orange ass under a mountain of delicious schadenfreude. So, let's dig in!

Monday: RAID!

On Monday, a couple dozen plain clothes FBI agents showed up at Mar-a-Lago with a duly signed warrant and seized some number of boxes of classified items. "These are dark times for the Nation as my beautiful home is currently under siege, raided, and occupied by a large group of FBI agents," he screeched, alerting the world to the ongoing raid.

Republicans immediately shouted as one that "if they can do it to a former president, they can do it to you." So, let that be a lesson to you, kids, don't take home classified documents from work and stash them in a closet in the basement of your golf club.

Tuesday: Hand Over Those Tax Returns, Asshole!

On Tuesday the DC Court of Appeals ruled that the House Ways and Means Committee can get Trump's business and personal tax returns. A mere three years after Chair Richie Neal requested them from IRS Commissioner Charles Rettig, citing §6103 of the Internal Revenue Code, under which Richie was unambiguously entitled to get them, Trump's going to have to hand them over. Womp womp.

Wednesday: Taking the Fifth 'Like the Mob"

"You see the mob takes the Fifth. If you're innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?" Trump arglebargled on the campaign trail in 2016.

Oh, what a difference six years make! On Wednesday, Trump lost his longstanding bid to avoid testifying in the New York Attorney General's investigation of his hinky real estate valuations. He reportedly invoked his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination hundreds of times. But now that's not mob shit, it's GOOD, see?

I once asked, "If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?" Now I know the answer to that question. When your family, your company, and all the people in your orbit have become the targets of an unfounded, politically motivated Witch Hunt supported by lawyers, prosecutors, and the Fake News Media, you have no choice. If there was any question in my mind, the raid of my home, Mar-a-Lago, on Monday by the FBI, just two days prior to this deposition, wiped out any uncertainty. I have absolutely no choice because the current Administration and many prosecutors in this Country have lost all moral and ethical bounds of decency.


Thursday: The Plot SHE THICKENS! And NUKES!

Just when the Gippers were settling in to a storyline of the jackbooted FBI escalating to "raid" when they could just have asked for the stuff, or even asked for a subpoena, CNN broke the news that there had been a subpoena issued in May or even earlier for the documents, and that lawyers from the Justice Department had flown down to Mar-a-Lago and been shown classified documents retained by Trump. And instead of saying, "Yikes, please take this stuff, we must have kept it by accident," they said, "Nope, you can't have it." Slight paraphrase.

A mere three hours later, Attorney General Merrick Garland called Trump's bluff and asked the court to release the warrant and inventory of documents taken during the raid.

And then the Washington Post broke the news that there might have been classified documents pertaining to nuclear secrets in the documents Trump was storing in the basement and refusing to hand over.

Friday: Just Some Light ESPIONAGE!

The Wall Street Journal was first to get its hands on the warrant and the inventory and reported that FBI agents "removed 11 sets of classified documents, including some marked as top secret and meant to be only available in special government facilities." And, while Trump's apparatchiks admit this looks bad, they insist that the government is acting like the Gestapo because Trump was "negotiating the return" of the documents.

And now Breitbart's got the warrant and the charge is under Section 18 USC 793, AKA the Espionage Act, as predicted by independent journalist Marcy Wheeler earlier this week. Update: Here's the warrant!

Have the best weekend ever, Mister President. We know you will.

Number one, it was all declassified. Number two, they didn’t need to “seize” anything. They could have had it anytime they wanted without playing politics and breaking into Mar-a-Lago. It was in secured storage, with an additional lock put on as per their request. They could have had it anytime they wanted—and that includes LONG ago. ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS ASK. The bigger problem is, what are they going to do with the 33 million pages of documents, many of which are classified, that President Obama took to Chicago?


A marvelous end of the week for the rest of us, we'll see you for cocktails soonest!

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After How Many Goddamn Years We Are Passing The Goddamn Climate Bill, Yippee Might Not All Gonna Die!

As I write this, I'm listening to the House debate on the Inflation Reduction Act, which will help boost the US transition to clean energy as well as making some much needed changes to Medicare prescription benefits and support for folks who get their insurance through Obamacare. Democrats are emphasizing the help it will bring to Americans, while Republicans are, as you'd expect, lying through their teeth about what the bill will do. The bill is pretty much a lock to pass today, so let's talk about what's in it (generally good stuff) what's not in it (no army of IRS tyrants who will come and shoot you if your taxes are wrong. More terrifyingly, it'll be IT and customer support people) and why it matters.

Here, have a livestream of the debate, and coming later today, the vote!


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MAGA Crowd Already Decrying Now-Dead FBI Attempted Shooter As False Flag Crisis Actor

“Well, I thought I had a way through bullet proof glass, and I didn’t. If you don’t hear from me, it is true I tried attacking the F.B.I., and it’ll mean either I was taken off the internet, the F.B.I. got me, or they sent the regular cops while" — yes, it ended there.

This was posted to a Truth Social account — yes, they are doing domestic terrorism threats on Donald Trump's social media platform — allegedly held by 42-year-old Ohio man Ricky Shiffer, who brought a nail gun to the FBI office in Cincinnati, Ohio, on Thursday.There are multiple claims and demonstrations online of nail guns penetrating bulletproof glass, though none of them actually show the nails going all the way through the glass.

He's dead now. He was killed in a shootout in which no one else was hurt or injured. He sacrificed his life for Donald Trump. He had hoped, we can assume, to murder some FBI agents in retaliation for the raid on Mar-a-Lago. After months of posting online on Truth Social about the need for another Civil War or another American Revolution like so many other Trump diehards, he finally decided to go through with it.

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BREAKING: All Investigations Into Fake Elector Ratf*cking Scheme Blowing Up At Once

Hello, and welcome to AND FIND OUT O'CLOCK.

Shit is GOING DOWN today in the plot to overthrow American democracy by dint of substituting a bunch of cosplay weirdos for Joe Biden's electors. Every one of these stories deserves its own post, but by the time we got finished typing, them, it would be Thursday. So let's run 'em down quicklike before God only knows what else breaks, shall we?

Spill It, Lindsey!

First up, the worst senator from South Carolina got absolutely dick-kicked by a federal judge today. You love to see it.

US District Judge Leigh Martin May ordered Graham to get his skinny ass to Atlanta and start talking for the grand jury empaneled by Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis. The grand jury is investigating the Trump campaign's efforts to ratfuck the state and steal it from Biden, including Graham's calls to Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger and his deputy Gabriel Sterling in which he reportedly pressured them to invalidate enough mail-in ballots to flip the state to Trump.

Graham moved the case to federal court and tried to get the subpoena quashed based on the Speech or Debate clause, arguing that he was just doing his legislative duty to ensure that the ballots were correctly tabulated.

Judge May said NFW, on the ground that that's now how speech or debate works, asshole. Well, more or less.

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History Facts

Today In Labor History: August 15, 1914, The Panama Canal Opens

From a labor perspective, this story is horrifying.

On August 15, 1914, the Panama Canal opened, completing one of the great engineering projects of the time, one that recreated racialized labor norms of the United States in Panama while also demonstrating how sanitary reforms could save workers lives. It also served to connect the imperial empire of labor the United States was building around the world.

Much of the story about the Panama Canal is well-known, including how Theodore Roosevelt worked with the French company that had originally hoped to build a canal to hew Panama off of an uncooperative Colombia in order to acquire the canal rights, a classic act of imperialism in now two nations that would long bear the brunt of American interventionism. To some degree, the brutality of the building of the Canal is known as well, and this post will expand some of your knowledge on these points.

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GOP Rep. Mike Turner Can't Believe Trump Isn't All-Powerful King

It's your Sunday show rundown!

Last week, Donald Trump's rich asshole truck stop Mar-A-Lago was raidedlegally searched by the FBI. Since then, every Republican politician has raced to the nearest mic or camera to caterwaul about how unfair it is to treat Trump as if no one is above the law. A perfect example of this is Republican congressman Mike Turner of Ohio, the ranking member of the House Intelligence Committee, whose arguments about this have been aging like a glass of milk in the sun.

Appearing on CNN's "State Of The Union," Turner was all too happy to dive on this political landmine for Trump's "honor." Unfortunately for him, this week's show was hosted by Brianna Kielar, and she does not suffer conservative fools as easily as Jake Tapper or Dana Bash.

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