Matt Walsh Pretty Sure Arranged Marriage Better Because Too Much Mustard In The Mustard Aisle, Boy Howdy Yep

Daily Wire columnist Matt Walsh is an extremely poor man's Tucker Carlson, a walking white male deficiency complex without the perks of Tucker's fame, money or delicate skincare regimen. Yep, he's pretty hot.

Some hot takes from Walsh:

He's extremely worried white people are being replaced.

He thinks mask-wearing is "disgraceful, arrogant, and offensive," because you are "treating air like it is toxic and other humans like they are nothing but vessels of disease." (He's right. When a MAGA-breather gets in our general airspace, we do try to get away from the fumes.)

He's offended by the idea of paternity leave because he doesn't think babies bond with their fathers until they're "much older." Shot in the dark here, but we're guessing some of what Matt Walsh says is a result of his own father. He likely thinks this is a good thing.

He wants to film teachers to make sure they're not filling kids' heads with actual facts that contradict whatever "Father Knows Best" garbage he's filling his kids' minds with.

He thinks birth control pills are "poison" because they keep women from fulfilling their true potential as superhero broodmares. He also thinks birth control pills make women stop loving masculine men like himself Frank Sinatra and John Wayne, and instead start loving "feminine" men like Zac Efron and Justin Bieber.

That's right. The guy pictured above placed himself on a masculinity pedestal above Zac Efron. Like we said, he's pretty hot.

And now, this here is a video about how Matt Walsh thinks arranged marriages are superior to the system we have, because there's just TOO MUCH MUSTARD IN THE MUSTARD AISLE and we guess he's just afraid nobody will pick mustard varieties like him to put them in their cart and take them home and squeeze them until they squirt.

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Federal Court Tosses Alabama's Preposterous Racial Gerrymander

Yesterday a three-judge panel in Alabama tossed the state's congressional map for violating the Voting Rights Act. And before you ask, it was two Trump appointees and a Republican nominated by Bill Clinton back in the days when blue slips were a thing and you had to get both the state's senators to agree to get a nominee out of the Judiciary Committee.

That's gotta sting!

So how racist do a state's maps have to be for three Gippers to say OH, HELL NO? Pretty fuckin' racist. In this case, Black residents make up 26 percent of the state's population, but somehow make up a majority of the voting age population in just one of the state's seven congressional districts. And that's not an accident. Republican legislators packed African American voters in District 7, which includes Birmingham and parts of the Black Belt, while cracking the rest of the state's minority population into majority-white districts.

This shit never would have flown if the Supreme Court hadn't invalidated the Voting Rights Act's pre-clearance requirement. Thanks Chief Justice John Roberts! But while the Supreme Court gave the GOP a green light to enact the most disgusting partisan gerrymanders, the portion of the VRA which bans racial gerrymanders is still hanging on, at least in theory.

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Not Ready For Prime Time Laura Ingraham Begs For Bit Part On ‘SNL’

I only watched the Ariana Debose segments of this season’s "Saturday Night Live," but apparently Kate McKinnon made fun of professional terrible person Laura Ingraham last week, and the Fox News host was deeply offended. A sense of humor is just one of many positive traits Ingraham lacks.

Here’s the McKinnon sketch from the cold open of the Will Forte-hosted episode. It’s funny in places despite the appalling lack of Ariana Debose.

This was McKinnon's 800th “Saturday Night Live” sketch (suitable for framing) but Ingraham didn’t feel honored, judging by her wackadoodle response during Monday’s "Ingraham Angle.” Describing the impersonation as “cringey,” which was arguably the point, Ingraham proceeded to imitate McKinnon imitating her. It was like the mirror scene in Duck Soup.

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Joe Biden Says What All Patriotic Americans Thinking About Peter Doocy

America's liberals and progressives have their own new version of "Let's go Brandon," and it is "Peter Doocy is a stupid son of a bitch." (Liberals and progressive don't need code words for cusses, because we're goddamned fucking adults.)

Yesterday at the end of a back-and-forth with journalists, Fox News's Doocy, a known idiot, shouted a question about whether inflation was a political liability for President Joe Biden heading into the midterms. Biden, clearly slightly frustrated that someone with a press pass to open their mouth in that room would waste their breath on asking something so stupid, called Doocy a "stupid son of a bitch," sarcastically remarking that no, inflation is just great.

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National Politics

Arizona GOP Officially Done With People Voting Against Republicans

Voter suppression in the most vile form.

Arizona Republicans have spent the past couple weeks since the legislative session began introducing a red wave of voter suppression measures. House Bill 2596, which dropped Friday, would eliminate all early voting, emergency voting centers, and no-excuse mail-in voting. The latter has existed in Arizona since 1991, so longer than the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday.

The House bill would also ban the use of electronic voting machines and require that all ballots are counted by human hands. You might think that would take forever, but they’ll have 24 hours to do it!

VOTER SUPPRESSION: Georgia County Might Close All But One Polling Place, Because ... Let's See ... 'COVID' This Time

Republicans had traditionally held the advantage in ballots cast prior to Election Day. That changed in 2020, so obviously early voting is corrupt and must end. GOP Rep. Shawna Bolick proposed the measure that would only permit emergency voting in "times of war, civil unrest or a natural disaster.” These are obviously the only real emergencies that would prevent someone from voting on Election Day. In real America, emergency voting centers are only for upcoming hurricanes and nuclear wars.

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Disgruntled Irish Fisherfolk Gonna  Mess With Russian Navy. Go, Irish Fisherfolk!

The Russians are coming? We'll see about that, won't we then?

Rachel Maddow ran a humdinger of a story last night, while reporting on the anxiety over whether Vladimir Putin will send Russian troops to invade Ukraine again. Maddow noted that Norway has had an ongoing problem with someone cutting undersea cables and wrecking undersea installations — a submarine detection system in November, and a satellite link two weeks ago (Norway says the satellites are non-military; Russia says they are).

The chief suspect seems to be Russia, whose navy has the capability to do such techno-nastiness with small crewed and remote-operated mini-subs that can dive deep. But the Russian navy hasn't been caught in the act, particularly with the sub detection systems all fucked up.

Also too, in August 2021, Ireland was super worried about the arrival off its coast of the Yantar, a Russian "oceanographic research ship" that the rest of the world is pretty sure is a spy ship. The Russian vessel (or wessel, as navigation experts say) carries those very mini-subs, and it was a bit worrisome that Yantar sailed around in international waters — all very legal, very cool — where the seabed has a whole bunch of transatlantic cables, although it seems none were damaged. That time.

Here's the "Maddow Show" segment. Enjoy!

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Biden Loses 2024 Election To Imaginary Faceless Republican, Beats All The Ones With Faces

There's a lesson in here.

Politico/Morning Consult is out with one of those so-called "polls" they do, to find out what Americans so-called "think" about "things." As we all know, the Beltway media is all doom and gloom about the Democrats' prospects from here until the end of time, but this poll is here to tell us it might not be all that bad.

If the 2024 election were held today — and to be clear, it is not being held today — Joe Biden would lose, were he matched up with an imaginary, nameless, faceless, headless Republican. Indeed, he'd lose by nine points (46 to 37) to Imaginary Headless Faceless Republican! The trouble comes in for Republicans when they have names and faces and personalities and voices and heads. Then everybody hates them, or at least likes them much less.

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