Federal Judge To Texas: FOH With That 'Stop The Brown People On Suspicion Of COVID' Crap

A federal judge has issued a temporary Just Fuck Right Outta Here With That Shit order against Texas Gov. Greg Abbott for ordering state troopers last week to start pulling over cars they think might be carrying migrants "who pose a risk of carrying COVID-19." Abbott issued the executive order last week to rile up his fellow racists so they'll elect him president in 2024, although his official excuse was that something had to be done about the outbreak of the Delta variant of the coronavirus in Texas. CNN put it far too generously here:

In his news release announcing the order, Abbott claimed that the rise in Covid cases in Texas is connected to the "dramatic rise in unlawful border crossings." It is true that Texas has seen some of the highest Covid case increases in the country, but the role that border crossings have played in that surge is uncertain, at best. Instead, public health officials have blamed Texas' recent rise in cases on the state's lower vaccination rates.

Sure, the state has low vaccination rates, but don't forget Abbott has also made it against the law for towns and schools to require masks to stop the spread of an airborne contagious disease!

Abbott's fearmongering is just more of the same xenophobic bullshit that's been an American tradition since the 19th century, when nativists stoked fears about dirty Irish and Italian immigrants bringing their European plagues to America, not to mention all that Popery.

In mere reality, hospitalizations in parts of the state now rival rates seen during the winter surge, with virtually all the new cases occurring among unvaccinated people. Abbott has refused to issue any statewide mask orders in response to the outbreak, and has continued his previous ban on allowing communities to put their own mask mandates in place. He also announced that an existing ban on schools requiring masks will remain in place for the upcoming school year.

Instead, Abbott blamed immigrants, which does very little to protect public health but is always popular with racists.

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Trump Candidate Wins Flawless Victory In Ohio, Every GOP Knee Must Once Again Bow To Trump!

If you are not a political nerd, you might not be aware there were primary elections in Ohio last night. You might have been watching Simone Biles come back and win bronze on the balance beam. You might have been watching the male divers strut around in their buttcheek Speedos, a porn show that apparently was part of an athletic competition of some sort. So since that's what we were doing too, let's all learn about the Ohio special primaries together!

First of all, we regret to inform you that Donald Trump must now be worshiped yet again until kingdom come, for his anointed candidate, energy lobbyist Mike Carey, hath won his primary in the 15th Congressional District, which is just south of Columbus, for the seat recently held by Republican Steve Stivers. There had been concern, as Trump's chosen candidate in a Texas runoff last week lost her race. Was it possible Trump was not literally the GOP's lord and savior, who cometh upon the clouds and grabbeth all the clouds by the pussy? Were Trump's candidates total losers, now that Trump isn't allowed to have Twitter?

Well have no fear! Every GOP knee shall once again bow, in earth and in heaven, and every GOP name shall confess that Trump IS lord. Because his guy won! Of course, there were 10 people running, and Carey was able to win with a grand total of 36 percent, but that's OK, Donald Trump didn't win his presidency with 50 percent of the vote either. Majorities are for losers.

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A Servicey Wonkette Guide To Emergency Rental Help

We continue to live in extremely weird times. On Saturday, the federal eviction moratorium expired, leading to days of demands from progressive members of Congress that action be taken to extend it. Rep. Cori Bush (D-Missouri), who knows from homelessness, slept on the steps of the Capitol to call attention to the millions of Americans who risk becoming homeless.

On Monday, the Centers for Disease Control said it couldn't extend the ban on evictions because the Supreme Court is composed of fuckwits, and had ruled the CDC lacked the authority. But then Tuesday evening, the CDC reversed course, announcing a new, narrower eviction moratorium. Citing the threat of the highly transmissible Delta variant of the virus, the new moratorium bans evictions through October 3 in "counties experiencing substantial and high levels of community transmission levels." Politico notes that the extended moratorium "is expected to affect 80 percent of counties and 90 percent of the U.S. population, according to Democrats familiar with the details."

So now there is at least a partial reprieve for folks facing eviction. But's it's still infuriating that very little of the $45 billion in rent and utility assistance that Congress approved in the last two stimulus bills has actually made it to renters and landlords. At least now there will be a little more time for states to get more of the money to people who need it, and to prevent evictions.

And so, Yr Wonkette would like to offer some resources for people who could certainly make use of some money to help with rent and utilities through the federal Emergency Rental Assistance (ERA) program. Please pass this along to anyone in that situation, particularly if it is you. Same for landlords, who are also eligible to apply for assistance.

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MyPillow Guy Reschedules Trump's Glorious Return For ... Um ... Not Sure

The only reasons we are updating this story with any kind of regularity is because A) as Anne Applebaum writes in a long-read for The Atlantic, this pillowslip full of batshit literally could destroy democracy, and B) it's useful to watch cult leaders lose their marbles as their prophecied Armageddon days come close and then pass, and watch them move the goalposts accordingly.

Just over a week ago, when it was still July, Mike Lindell was saying, with his mouth open out loud where people could hear him, that once his long-heralded SYMPOSIUM happened — we assume in a conference room at some Best Western that wasn't busy with an Amway party — Joe Biden would surely see the results and resign in shame, probably on the morning of August 13. It just made sense! Mike Lindell has these packet captures! The voter fraud would be exposed! China did it! The Supreme Court would see the results from the symposium! Maybe they would be staying at the same Best Western!

Kids, it's August now. The 13th is close. The prophecied date for the end of the world is about to come and go. And now Lindell says Donald Trump will be reinstated ... um ... well ... Mike Lindell just has a lot going on, OK? This is what he said Monday to the Daily Beast:

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Offspring Drummer Pretty Fly For An Unvaccinated, Unemployed Guy

It was one of the only Offspring lyric pun headlines that wasn't taken yet.

Like the latest fashion, like a spreading disease, the drummer for 1990s alt-rock band The Offspring has apparently been unceremoniously kicked out the band, because dipshit refuses to get vaccinated. As The Offspring famously sang in 1994, you gotta keep 'em separated, by which we mean you gotta keep the rest of the band separated from old Drummy McSuperspreader over here.

(BTW, kudos to Guardian for laying claim to "Why Don't You Get A Jab?" before we could abuse those Offspring lyrics for our headline and/or prose.)

So yeah, Pete Parada, who became the drummer for the band in 2007, announced on his Instaface that he refuses to get his shots because of his "personal medical history and the side-effect profile of these jabs." He says he had COVID last year, but that he's "not so certain [he'd] survive another post-vaccination round of Guillain-Barre Syndrome," which he says he's had since childhood. If a real doctor who isn't a quack told him that, then fine. He then, in a very Poor Me kind of way, says it's "recently been decided that I am unsafe to be around, in the studio, and on tour."

Unfortunately then his statement (which is long, very long, oh my god so long) devolves into some gobbledyshit about "half the population [...] having a shockingly different reaction to these jabs than was expected," which is absolute bullshit. He also says he's fine with people rejecting vaccines for pretty much any reason they want, including reasons that are fully 100 percent idiot. He uses the word "coercion."

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Arizona, Tennessee Cancel Culture All The Icky Parts Of US History

This is just the beginning.

Conservatives are steadily winning battles in the war against critical race theory. They had the advantage of starting this war themselves and striking before anyone knew what the hell critical race theory actually was. Soon, it wouldn't matter. White suburban parents now associate critical race theory with why their pre-teen kids didn't like being seen in public with them.

Let's pause for a moment to consider that this critical race theory backlash is taking place when Betsy DeVos is no longer secretary of Education. She's not the one issuing guidance against teaching that slavery existed and sucked hard. But the game isn't won at the federal level alone. Conservatives have over the years systematically taken over state legislatures and local school boards. Local initiatives feel like a movement because they come from all directions with no apparent leader or convenient bogeyman to rally against.

Educators warned that these critical race theory bans would result in punitive action for any teacher who stepped out of line and said the word “racism" in front of first graders. Tucker Carlson and Matt Walsh had suggested installing cameras in classrooms to monitor for any incidental wokeness. That might've seemed like a brave new world, but now it's possibly our craven regular one.

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justice department

Trump DOJ Official Jeffrey Clark Wanted Georgia Legislature To Get To Coup-ing, For CONSTITUTION

Just how many coups were these guys planning?

One day, we will not find ourselves writing yet another article on just how close we came to losing our democracy during the Trump administration. But that day is not today! Because today we are trying to digest this draft letter by former DOJ official Jeffrey Clark advising the Georgia legislature to go forth and do coups for the Constitution.

In January, the New York Times reported that Trump had tried to elevate Clark to acting attorney general, replacing Jeffrey Rosen, who had replaced Bill Barr all of a week before. Rosen, then the acting attorney general, was annoyingly unmoved by Trump's exhortations to "Just say the election was corrupt and leave the rest to me and the R[epublicans]." But Clark suffered from no such scruple, and Trump hoped — with less than a month to go in his presidency — to install him atop the DOJ and watch him launch investigations of non-existent vote irregularities which would be used as pretext to invalidate ballots in enough swing states to keep Trump squatting in the Oval Office for all eternity.

Only threats by his entire senior legal team to resign persuaded Trump not to go through with it. And in light of ABC's recent revelations, it's clear we dodged a major bullet there. So, thanks to Jeffrey Rosen and Pat Cipollone for doing the right thing that one time, we guess.

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