Tucker And Laura Teaching Your Nana To Sympathize With QAnon-Loving Domestic Terrorists

If your mom or your dad or your lonely neighbor who keeps to himself and kind of creeps you out was watching Fox News last night, they got to see two of their favorites give them tacit permission to believe a rewarmed Nazi conspiracy theory for the internet age, wherein Democrats and George Soros and all the other (((Jews))) are secretly controlling the world and trafficking children so they can sexually abuse them and steal their adrenochrome for fountain of youth purposes. Yes, their best boy Tucker Carlson, who they bet would be a great son, husband or boyfriend, and Laura Ingraham, who also comes on Fox News, gave them that validation.

Tucker and Laura made your parents and or creepy neighbor feel like it is totally reasonable to believe that MAYBE an 1871 law they'd never heard of until somebody talked about it on the internet this week made the United States IN ACTUALITY an it's not a democracy it's a republic a corporation, which means nobody has to obey any laws passed after that year, and also on March 4, Donald Trump will become the 19th president of the REAL United States, because obviously.

Tucker and Laura weren't saying they believe those things, mind you. They were just saying you have the absolute God-given inalienable right to believe them, and if somebody tries to take that away from you, then you are now "a slave."

Here is what your racist batshit Uncle Dale heard Tucker say last night, while Uncle Dale was cleaning his guns and heating up a Hungry Man, by himself:

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Biden Replaces 'Voice Of America' GOP Hacks With All The Journos They Fired

Just moments after being sworn in, President Joe Biden demanded the resignation of Michael Pack, the Bannon ally Trump dispatched to the United States Agency for Global Media, the parent agency of Voice of America and our other international radio networks, with the mission of murdering them dead. And not a moment too soon!

During Pack's disastrous tenure, he systematically gutted the senior leadership, tore down the firewall protecting journalistic integrity, launched a witch hunt against reporters for supposed anti-Trump bias, and squandered millions of dollars in legal fees in an attempt to justify it all. He will not be missed.

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Top Five Reasons Retiring GOP Sen. Rob Portman Can Go F*ck Himself

Republican Senator Rob Portman of Ohio announced Monday that he's not running for reelection in 2022. He blamed supposed "partisan gridlock," which is entirely Mitch McConnell's fault. Senate Democrats seek “bipartisan consensus" like puppies begging for table scraps. Anyway, here's why Portman thinks the Senate sucks now:

We live in an increasingly polarized country where members of both parties are being pushed further to the right and further to the left, and that means too few people who are actively looking to find common ground. This is not a new phenomenon, of course, but a problem that has gotten worse over the past few decades.

A few things: Senate Democrats' newest members are all to the right of Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, and that's fine! We're a big tent! Raphael Warnock isn't really a “radical liberal Marxist." That was a Republican lie. Josh Hawley, however, is a radical rightwing asshole, and he was elected the same year as conservative Democrat Kyrsten Sinema.

Warren and Ted Cruz were both elected in 2012. Warren is not dramatically more liberal than Ted Kennedy, whose seat she holds. Kennedy was the lion of the Senate, but Cruz is the weasel who feeds on dysfunction. Warren didn't pull silly stunts like shutting down the government or taking entirely the wrong message from Green Eggs and Ham.

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Trump Idiots So Unemployable They Might Have To Work For Trump

Let's check in on the former occupant of the White House:

Great, totally cool, sounds normal. He's hiring his former aides as secretaries to write the tweets he's not allowed to send and whatever "work" he decides to not engage in as a disgraced former president, one to whom the law is probably about to catch up any day.

Let's check in with the former employees of the former occupant of the White House:

Hahahahahahahahaha, OK.

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Right Wing Extremism

Kevin McCarthy Gonna Have Long Heart-To-Heart With Marjorie Taylor Greene, That'll Fix Everything

Good luck with that.

CNN broke the story Tuesday that revealed Republican House Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene is a horrible person. We're still recovering from the shock. This “hit piece," as Greene calls it, focuses on her statements and actions from the faraway distant past of 2018 and 2019, back when we could leave our homes without covering our faces.

GOP House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy reportedly found Greene's comments “deeply disturbing" and plans to have a “conversation" with her. It's not exactly a “come to Jesus meeting" because Jesus wouldn't want to be in the same room with so much pistol-packing crazy.

McCarthy isn't a licensed therapist, so it's not clear what good this conversation will do. Greene is beyond a stern finger-wagging lecture. Like George Costanza, she may need to get involved at the university level, with a team of psychiatrists working round the clock. (Allegedly!)

He's already had a “you're a congresswoman now!" pep talk with fellow Sedition Caucus member Lauren Boebert, after which he defended them to the press and asked that we give conspiracy theorists a chance.

Our party is very diverse and you mentioned two people who will join our party. And the only thing I would ask of you in the press, these are new members, give them an opportunity before you claim what you believe they have done and what they will do. I think it's fair for all.
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State/Local Politics

Everything Is Normal In Oklahoma

If you think Congress is bad, just wait until you get a load of this one.

After January 1 of each year, state legislatures around the country open for business.

And that is when the crazy starts.

State legislators have arrived in Oklahoma ready to tackle the big issues. Among them is Republican State Representative Justin Humphrey, who has introduced House Bill 1648, which would create a new hunting season in the state ... for Bigfoot.

Yes, you read that right.

The time of year dedicated to Bigfoot season and the cost of a Bigfoot hunting license isn't specified in HB 1648 — instead, it directs the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation to establish the dates and create the necessary hunting licenses and fees.

The Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation seems less than thrilled at the prospect, with Assistant Chief of the Information and Education Division Micah Holmes telling KOCO News, "We use science-driven research, and we don't recognize Bigfoot in the state of Oklahoma."

Seems reasonable.

"Serious" Bigfoot hunters, too, are concerned about the idea. D.W. Lee of the Mid-America Bigfoot Research Center says he has "had 26 encounters that I can say was actually a Bigfoot," and he is none too pleased, saying stunts like Humphrey's bill harm "[t]he efforts of the people out there actually being serious about this – it really hampers us."

So this is an actual thing members of the Oklahoma legislature are going to have to deal with.

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Right Wing Extremism

Trump Terrorist Spent January 6 Violently Threatening Rep. Hakeem Jeffries's Family, So That's Chilling

The Trump Terrorist Army (TTA) is here. That's what we have to deal with now.

Ted Cruz and others who helped incite the January 6 attack on the Capitol just really want us to move on. Come on, it was three weeks ago, and that's ancient history. Can't we forget this all happened so they can take some more shits on democracy to preserve white supremacy? That's what they'd like to know.

What we'd like to know is just how long it's going to take America to grasp that we are dealing with a full-on rightwing terrorist movement inspired by Donald Trump and the GOP. January 6 was merely the day they REALLY started to show their ass like a common ISIS.

Donald Trump directly incited the Capitol attack that morning, but he and his minions had been inciting it for months at that point, because they were all pushing Trump's Hitlerian Big Lie that he had won an election he lost in a landslide. And as the FBI continues to investigate, we're learning that the action that day wasn't just at the Capitol.

A new FBI affidavit filed in the Southern District of New York reveals that on the very same day that domestic terrorists were storming the Capitol to overthrow democracy, some of them clearly intent on assassinating elected officials, a California man by the name of Robert Lemke was busy sending violent, threatening text messages to the families of Democratic Congressman Hakeem Jeffries and journalist George Stephanopoulos, again in service of Trump's Big Lie.

Lemke was arrested on Tuesday in Bay Point, California.

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