Got Questions for Merrick Garland? Congress Does Too!

Are you interested in a congressional hearing that is like WHAT THE FUCK, ATTORNEY GENERAL MERRICK GARLAND? ARE YOU GOING TO LOCK THEM UP ALL THESE TRUMP PEOPLE? ARE YOU GOING TO LOCK UP DONALD TRUMP FOR TRYING TO STEAL THE ELECTION REPEATEDLY AND IN OUR FACES? ARE YOU GOING TO LOCK UP STEVE BANNON? ARE YOU GOING TO LOCK UP TEXAS FOR THAT GODDAMN ABORTION LAW?

If so, you might enjoy today's hearing in the House Judiciary Committee! Adam Schiff ain't on that committee, but we know he's had some questions. Hopefully he's slipping notes to committee members right this very minute, to make sure all the good questions get asked.

As Axios explains:

The hearing comes as the Justice Department faces a series of contentious issues, including enforcement of the Jan. 6 committee's subpoenas, the crackdown on Texas' new abortion law, the overflowing of migrants at the border, voting rights and more.

Yeah, just a few things folks might want to ask him about. (Republicans will not be asking meaningful questions, or if they do, it will be a complete surprise.)

Watch all day, House committees are enormous:

Keep reading... Show less

Shucks, Guess Joe Manchin Never Found Those 10 Republicans Who’d Support Voting Rights

The Democrats' latest attempt to defend democracy from Republicans failed in the Senate because of the fatal combination of math and the filibuster. Senate Democrats had reached a compromise with Joe Manchin on a supposedly bipartisan-friendly Stop Republicans From Cheating bill. This version was called the Freedom to Vote Act and would've made Election Day a public holiday, required same-day registration at all polling locations by 2024, and provided at least 15 days of early voting for federal elections.

Marc Elias, Democratic super lawyer, said it was a very good bill. Stacey Abrams even supported the voter ID requirement that Manchin added. It still died because Republicans aren't interested in helping pass a Stop Republicans From Cheating bill. This would appear obvious to everyone who's not Joe Manchin, whose brain is in the advanced stages of black lung disease.

A month ago, Manchin was asked what his master plan was for passing the Freedom to Vote Act, considering that he wouldn't support a filibuster carve-out even just for voting rights. He said he'd “get 10 Republicans." Why, he was already talking to "reasonable Republicans and friends of mine who understand we need guardrails."

Keep reading... Show less

Let's Watch Jamie Raskin Dick-Kick Matt Gaetz, We've All Earned It

There was a hearing this morning in the House Rules Committee on the contempt referral for Steve Bannon passed by the House January 6 Committee last night. If we'd realized what a shitshow it would become, we would have put up a livestream. Oh well.

GOP seditionist Reps. Matt Gaetz and Jim Jordan showed up at the hearing and rubbed themselves all over it, like pomeranians who need their anal glands expressed. In this post, we'll focus on Gaetz, because what most people are talking about is how constitutional law perfesser and Democratic Rep. Jamie Raskin just drop-kicked Matt Gaetz's very large face so far up into outer space that, well, quite frankly, you could still clearly see it, because his face is too large for his body.

Our point is that it was just real good.

Keep reading... Show less

Trump Argues For Absolute Right Of Presidents To Loot And Pillage In Copyright Lawsuit

Trump's legal team is tryin' it. Again.

Today's WTF-ery comes to us from the copyright infringement suit filed by one Edmond Grant, AKA Eddy Grant, AKA the guy who did not fucking appreciate having his hit song "Electric Avenue" used without permission in one of Trump's ridiculous campaign videos. Trump tweeted out the video on August 12, 2020, and Twitter yanked the video for copyright infringement within a few hours. Then Twitter yanked Trump himself, and not a moment too soon, so we can't provide you with a link to the video in question. But we actually remember this one because the graphics were so embarrassingly crap — like Thomas the Tank Engine circa 1991, only worse.

Here's a still from one of Trump's briefs.

Get it? Get it? GET IT?

See Trump is a BIG CHOO CHOO TRAIN VROOM, and Biden is just a skinny dude manually pumping himself along the tracks.

Which isn't actually the dumbest thing you'll read in this post, believe it or not.

Keep reading... Show less
Recipe Hub

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Kingston Negroni!

Try this scary monster of a drink right before Halloween.

Greetings, Wonketteers! I'm Hooper, your bartender. Today I've got a riff on the classic Negroni from Death and Co. The devil's in the details on this one. These ingredients are so assertive that a fight's going to break out in your glass. Say hello to the Kingston Negroni. Here's the recipe.

Keep reading... Show less
Congress

Liz Cheney Reads GOP Rep. Jim Banks For Filth Over His 'Ranking Member' Cosplay

GTFO, you sorry sack!

Today's episode of "These Motherfuckers!" is brought to us by Rep. Jim Banks of Indiana's Third Congressional District. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy tried to appoint this shit-stirring GOP stalwart to the January 6 Select Committee, but Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Banks and Rep. Jim Jordan were not welcome, TYVM, because they are vile treason weasels who supported the insurrectionists.

Well, she didn't put it like that, because Miss Nancy is a Fuck'n Lady, and don't you forget it. What she said was "I have spoken with him this morning about the objections raised about Representatives Jim Banks and Jim Jordan and the impact their appointments may have on the integrity of the investigation. I also informed him that I was prepared to appoint Representatives Rodney Davis, Kelly Armstrong, and Troy Nehls, and requested that he recommend two other Members."

But then McCarthy stomped off and said none of the five could serve, and then Pelosi named Reps. Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger, who manage to be hyperconservative without being vile traitors. So, hey presto, we got ourselves a bipartisan investigation.

Except, according to the rules Jim Banks just pulled out of his pasty ass, nuh uh no we don't, 'cuz see umm if you're appointed by a Democrat, then you don't count as a Republican or something.

Keep reading... Show less
POTUS

The Joe Biden CNN Town Hall Video CNN Apparently Doesn't Want You To See!

Guys, would it kill you to put it on Youtube?

Joe Biden held a town hall on CNN last night in which he made the case for his Build Back Better agenda, using the live event in Baltimore to acknowledge that the reconciliation bill has had to be made less ambitious in order to pass. Specifically, Biden repeatedly made very clear the changes are almost entirely due to opposition from the two members of the Senate Obstruction Caucus, Sens. Joe Manchin (D-West Virginia) and Kyrsten Sinema (D-Arizona). When you only have a one-vote majority in the Senate in the form of VP Kamala Harris's tie-breaking vote, you have to work with what you have, and that's the Senate for you.

With any single one of the 50 Senate Democrats able to block progress, Biden said, "Everyone is a president [...] Every single one. So you gotta work something out."

CNN, as usual, hasn't put the town hall on YouTube, but perhaps this version will be up for a while since the account says it's totally for "archival" use. Or you can drop by Dok Zoom's house and watch it on his TiVo, at least if you show up before he deletes it to make room for baseball.

www.youtube.com


Keep reading... Show less
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)