Wonkette Weekend Chat: Don't Impress Your Coworkers By Giving Them The Flu

We thought we'd learned a valuable lesson from the pandemic: Going to work when you're sick is no good for public health and is actually detrimental to productivity. But it's 2023, and everyone's over COVID, except for those who are still getting sick. Looks like we're have to dust off some germ theory and challenge the dangerous Fox News sentiment that going to work while you're barely standing upright somehow makes you a hero.

This week's chat starts at 12 p.m. PT/3 p.m. ET. Like, share, subscribe, pitch us some dollars for doughnuts on Patreon.


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Fifth Circuit Defends Sacred Right Of Wife Beaters To Carry Guns

The Fifth Circuit's reign of terror continues apace with yesterday's order giving domestic abusers the right to keep their guns. It was handed down by two Trump appointees, Judges Cory Wilson and James Ho, and Judge Edith Jones, a FedSoc loon installed by Reagan who is somehow only 73. It's a fucking catastrophe, and the best we can hope for is that the current Supreme Court hates criminals more than it loves guns, since clearly they will never be moved by the need to protect victims of domestic violence.

Here's how the court describes the complainant in this case:

Between December 2020 and January 2021, Rahimi was involved in five shootings in and around Arlington, Texas. On December 1, after selling narcotics to an individual, he fired multiple shots into that individual’s residence. The following day, Rahimi was involved in a car accident. He exited his vehicle, shot at the other driver, and fled the scene. He returned to the scene in a different vehicle and shot at the other driver’s car. On December 22, Rahimi shot at a constable’s vehicle. On January 7, Rahimi fired multiple shots in the air after his friend’s credit card was declined at a Whataburger restaurant.

Would it shock you to learn that this sweetheart had a pending protective order against him,? Would you faint dead to learn that a guy who was violent with women went on to commit other crimes?

You would not! Because you're a sentient person, and you weren't born yesterday. (Unless you were born yesterday, in which case, congratulations on your precocious reading skills.)

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Hi, I'm The Chinese Spy Balloon! Please Continue Going About Your Day, Citizens!

Hello! I’m the Chinese spy balloon and I can see everything you’re doing! Especially you, Mrs. Annabelle Carcuterie of 128 Nebraska Street in Wichita. I know about the shoplifting of lip gloss from your local Rite-Aid. I know that the secret ingredient in your Jell-o mold is just a different flavor of Jell-o. Oh, and I know about the afternoon visits by the neighborhood pickleball champion when your husband is working at the vacuum cleaner repair shop. Oh yes I do!

And no, I am not here to take your order for sesame chicken with no MSG, so you can stop standing in your yard and yelling that up at the sky, Mr. Sinjin Schwartz of Aurora, Illinois. You’re going to have to call the Golden Wok yourself like always.

And I am definitely not here to take high-resolution photos of your nudie resorts, so there’s no reason to cover up, ladies! You can happily prance around just as God made you, secure in the knowledge that I am absolutely not staring at your unclothed heaving bosoms. You can also be sure I am unaware of that weird mole on your inner thigh, Mrs. Chesty Tigger who is enjoying her honeymoon at the Cypress Cove Nudist Resort in Kissimmee, Florida. But you may want to get that checked.

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WATCH: Democrats Kick Living Sh*t Out Of Republicans Removing Ilhan Omar From Foreign Affairs Committee

We discussed this week how Barely Speaker Kevin had managed to wrangle up the votes to subject Democratic Rep. Ilhan Omar to more racism and bullying, under the guise of expelling Omar from the House Foreign Affairs Committee because she is "antisemitic." (Their proofs for this were, shall we say, limp and flaccid.) We highly doubt the votes materialized because of Kevin McCarthy's negotiating prowess. Occam's Razor would suggest that any holdout Republicans just remembered they hate minorities and were like JK fuck yeah we'll do that.

McCarthy is doing this for retaliatory reasons, because he's mad Democrats expelled his new BFF QAnon Marge Greene and white nationalist Paul Gosar from their committees. He's doing it because he's a fucking child, and this is his way of saying "neener." He's doing this because he's a little tiny sad man and this makes him feel powerful.

Look at this fucking troll doll.



Oh! Kevin McCarthy is so offended that Ilhan Omar said "all about the Benjamins!" Obviously you see the Kevin McCarthy tweet Rupar found just below that, but if you can't, it says "We cannot allow Soros, Steyer, and Bloomberg to BUY this election!" But it's not antisemitic when McCarthy says it, because reasons.

The vote was today, and Omar was removed from that committee. But not before a bunch of Democrats had a chance to stand up and tell white supremacist Republicans to go eat bags of dicks in hell.

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WonkTV

Wonkette Weekend Chat: Don't Impress Your Coworkers By Giving Them The Flu

It's the exact opposite of being a hero.

We thought we'd learned a valuable lesson from the pandemic: Going to work when you're sick is no good for public health and is actually detrimental to productivity. But it's 2023, and everyone's over COVID, except for those who are still getting sick. Looks like we're have to dust off some germ theory and challenge the dangerous Fox News sentiment that going to work while you're barely standing upright somehow makes you a hero.

This week's chat starts at 12 p.m. PT/3 p.m. ET. Like, share, subscribe, pitch us some dollars for doughnuts on Patreon.


www.youtube.com


Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter if it still exists.

Did you know SER has his own YouTube Channel? Well, now you do, so go subscribe right now!

Subscribe to the Wonkette YouTube Channel for nifty video content!

Yr Wonkette is 100 percent ad-free! Please subscribe, donate, and otherwise help keep us alive and kicking!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Culture

Thank You, George Santos, For Reminding Me I Willingly Saw 'Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark'

Revisiting the flop of all flops

Keeping track of actual US Congress member George Santos's many, many lies is almost a full-time activity. We don't know how he managed back when his staff was probably just him speaking different voices into a cell phone. Friday, Bloomberg revealed the latest in his web (ha!) of deceit: Santos told potential donors in 2021 that he was a producer on Broadway's Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark.

OK, I understand that not everyone shares my interest in Broadway musicals, so I should clarify that yes, there was in fact a musical called Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, and yes, seriously, for real, that was its actual title. No, it was not a parody of a bad musical within a TV series or even a fictional one I might actually enjoy, like the Captain America musical from the "Hawkeye" TV show.

No, Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark was real, and it was a spectacular failure.

youtu.be


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Mommyblogging

It's Such A Perfect Day (For You To Start Supporting Your Beloved Wonkette!)

Babies need ... well you know what babies need.

Every once in a while, I get so sick of asking you for money, that I don't.

That's what happened last month, when I just fuckin couldn't do it again. Well, it's my JOB, and I am NOT A SHIRKER, except sometimes when I AM.

Look at me, not shirking this month.

Give us money!

As you may have heard, media is doing layoffs again — Vox, Washington Post — and more are going out of business completely. And if I were physically capable of doing layoffs, your Wonkette would be too, but you love too much SER and Robyn and Dok and Evan and (part-time) Liz and the weekly freelance gang. So the only person I can lay off is me.

Last year, for the first time since I bought Wonkette 11 years ago (next month!), our annual revenues went down — and by just about my entire salary. I've cut some easy stuff from our expenses but I'm not doing pay- or benefit-cuts for any of the staff but me. We are now out of "sold my house" money. And "Mom sold her house and gave each of her kids $10,000" money. And "sued my old landlord" money. Man, the universe really has been "soft landing," hasn't it! Thanks universe! You're mostly real cool!

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