Wonkette Resigns From Wonkette For All This Wonkette Censorship Of Wonkette By Wonkette

Would you like to read 900,000 whine words by Glenn Greenwald about what a cuck the outlet he cofounded, The Intercept, is for being respectable center-Left cucks that might as well be Mother Jones and are also cucks? (He didn't say cucks. That'll happen tomorrow.) You WOULDN'T?

Smart move. It's terrible. Which is to say, it's no different than everything else the One True Journalist has written in the past decade, ever since he stopped writing about how we should go to war in Iraq and also about how we should stop pointing out that Tom Tancredo and other anti-immigrant buffoons like him were very, very racist.

My goodness, it's almost as if the guy who ...

... it's almost as if THAT GUY wasn't actually more progressive than everyone else who ever lived this whole entire time.

Man, that was a lot of bullet points. Anyway, it looks like he's no longer faking it.

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UPS Found Tucker's Missing Package. Haha, We Said 'Tucker's Missing Package'

BREAKING IMPORTANT UPDATE ON STORY OF TUCKER CARLSON'S MISSING PACKAGE OF COMPLETELY TRUE BOMBSHELL DOCUMENTS ABOUT HUNTER BIDEN OF WHICH THERE IS ONLY ONE COPY.

UPS found it. It wasn't taken by the Deep State or Hillary Clinton or George Soros or any of their operatives. It was not seized. It was not a conspiracy theory.

"After an extensive search, we have found the contents of the package and are arranging for its return," the spokesman said. "UPS will always focus first on our customers, and will never stop working to solve issues and make things right."

Those idiots used UPS. You don't use UPS for things like completely true bombshell documents about Hunter Biden of which there is only one copy.

Amateurs.

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Oh Dear, Jon Ossoff Debate Did Not Go 'Well' For Georgia Sen. David Perdue

In Savannah, Georgia, last night, incumbent US Sen. David Perdue (R) got dick-slapped by Democratic challenger Jon Ossoff, who went after the GOP's record of soft-peddling the threat of the coronavirus pandemic, and in particular Perdue's dumping of stocks he owned back in February. Perdue insists those stock sales were all made by his financial advisers, and were perfectly cromulent.

Regardless, near the end of the debate, Ossoff had Perdue dead to rights on his own multiple votes to eliminate Obamacare, all of which culminated in this clip that went viral on the Twitters:

Somebody get Perdue some Dramamine. He's going to blow!

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Oath Keeper Stewart Rhodes Standing By To Defend Donald Trump From Democracy

Both SER and Dok accidentally wrote about this last night, so we smashed both posts together and think it still makes sense.

Donald Trump has desperately tried to sow distrust in the results of his scheduled ass-whooping next Tuesday. Like the emotionally damaged spoiled child he is, Trump contends that the only “fair" election is one he wins, and he's convinced that any election he loses is “rigged" against him.

During the first presidential debate, when he advised white supremacists to “stand back and stand by," President Klan Robe also “urged" his droogs to "go into the polls and watch very carefully" for any suspicious activity, presumably (Black) people voting against him. This is the exact sort of voter intimidation that served as the “happy ending" of Birth of a Nation, which plays endlessly in the abandoned movie theater inside Trump's head.

Stewart Rhodes is one of far too many loons out there who are “standing by" on Election Day. Rhodes is a member of the Oath Keepers, one of those violent rightwing groups that Trump knows nothing about despite technically being president. The Oath Keepers are cops — both former and present — and military veterans who snapped after Barack Obama was elected. (They also wanted to hang John McCain for treason, so neither 2008 presidential candidate would've pleased them.)

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Can't Click A Wonkette Link? We Know. It's Your Adblocker.

Motherfucking bitchsons.

Go into the guts of it, mark us as a trusted site, refresh again and VIOLA. And then, if you don't mind, "report problem" to the adblocker that has us as an ad WHEN WE AINT EVEN GOT NONE ADS.

So pissed. We love you.

News

Idaho Legislators Make Pro-Virus Video In Stupid-Spreader Event

Give me Liberty And Give Me Lung Lesions.

As COVID-19 infections and hospitalizations set new records in Idaho this week, a group of rightwing state legislators released a video in which they publicly declared they'll ignore any orders aimed at limiting the spread of the virus, which they said might not be real at all. Reality, after all, is a deeply personal thing, and the Constitution prohibits the government from ever telling free people what to do. Then the legislators all ran a stoplight and died, the end. Fine, instead, they're all likely to be reelected because they represent districts that are similarly opposed to science, which is a tool of communism and the Devil.

The video was made in conjunction with the "Idaho Freedom Foundation," a rightwing clearinghouse for liberty and terrible ideas that's funded by, among others, the Koch political money operation and by Donors Trust, the notorious "Dark-Money ATM of the conservative movement," as Mother Jones puts it. You name a wingnut astroturf outfit, and IFF is likely to be up in its business. The Freedom Foundation, working together with a pro-gun group and a bunch of anti-vaxx idiots, has been at the center of resisting public health efforts in the state, including Ammon Bundy's Superspreader Easter Jamboree.

Here's the video, in which a collection of state legislators, including Lt. Gov. Janice McGeachin, read out, line by line, the Freedom Foundation's "Declaration to Idaho residents and public officials," which the group's website claims was "ratified by the people of Idaho" on October 1. They sure as hell didn't ask me to vote on it. We like the captions where two of the goofs, Karey Hanks and Ron Nate, are identified as "Representative-elect" by virtue of the fact that they're running unopposed.

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2020 presidential election

Can't Follow Bannon, Giuliani's Bizarre, Made-Up JOE BIDEN CORRUPTION China Plot? Here, Try Some Crack!

We're gonna need a bigger pinboard!

Oh, the GOP wants to talk about FAKE DOSSIER do they? Want to talk about misinformation campaigns and foreign election interference? Yes, let's have that talk.

Let's talk about the bullshit Hunter Biden dossier these coprophagic lunatics swallowed whole after watching it slide out the back end of their own fake news ecosystem. Extra fiber from China eases the way!

Ben Collins and Brandy Zadrozny from NBC got the goods. (Again.) Apparently, a guy named Martin Aspen cooked up a 64-page "intelligence report" on Hunter Biden's supposed ties to the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) that's been circulating among Trump's allies for months now.

Only Martin Aspen doesn't exist, and neither does Typhoon Investigations, the "intelligence firm" that supposedly employs him. It took tech experts approximately eight seconds to figure out that the profile picture for this person was generated by AI, which is about as long as it will take any American to work out that whoever is drafting these tweets is not a native English speaker.

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