GOP: If Biden Won’t Let Violent Parents Threaten School Board Members, Is This Even America?

Republicans have lied for a few weeks now about how the Department of Justice, under the leadership of noted radical Attorney General Merrick Garland, is going to lock up parents who speak heresies at local school board meetings.

Senator Rick Scott from Florida tweeted on October 5:

Joe Biden's attorney general wants the FBI to go after parents for speaking out at school board meetings to protect kids from radical curriculum like critical race theory.

What actually happened is that the National School Boards Association asked President Joe Biden's administration for help because unhinged parents, high on Newsmax, were threatening their members. This has to do with escalating battles over both "critical race theory" (not critical race theory but rather teaching that racism in America exists) and COVID-19 prevention measures in schools, such as mask mandates. Republicans have selective amnesia about the parents who get into fist fights with teachers because of the school's mask policy or the people who surround a school board member's car, like the T. rex in Jurassic Park.

The NSBA provided the DOJ with more than "20 instances of threats, harassment, disruption, and acts of intimidation that have transpired during school board meetings and that are targeted at school officials." The DOJ was asked to "investigate, intercept, and prevent the current threats and acts of violence against public school officials" through existing laws against, you know, killing people or threatening to do so. However, Republicans leapt on this opportunity to claim Biden is siccing the thought police on innocent parents who are politely asking that teachers don't make their kids watch Roots until they cry.

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There's Embarrassing, And There's Mollie Hemingway Writing About Spending Five Hours With Donald Trump

Garbage human Federalist idiot Mollie Hemingway has some crap book to promote, so she has published excerpts from five hours of interviews she conducted with Donald Trump at Mar-a-Lago. She is pretty proud of all this.

The excerpt begins with Hemingway taking a picture with Trump, or at least trying to. Trump didn't like how he looked in the first one. In the second, he found himself attractive — delusional bullshit features heavily here — but concluded that Hemingway still wasn't attractive enough. "I like me, but I still don't like her," he said.

Trump dropped everything and decided to teach me how to take a picture. Somehow I'd reached my 40s without knowing how.

And Hemingway accepted his instruction.

He told me to angle my body, put my hand on my hip, and a few other tricks. "You can trust me: my wife is a supermodel," he said, as if I were unaware. Margo showed him the resulting picture.

He looked at it, paused briefly, and said, "Well there you go," clearly pleased with the result. He was right, it looked much better.

Donald Trump, always there to show a woman where to place her hips so she doesn't appear so disgusting to him. Dear God.

What follows is several grafs of Hemingway apparently attempting to avoid saying there's something wrong with Trump's brain.

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Sorry, LGBTQ+ Kids, Greg Abbott's Got An Election To Win

It's a great day to shit on LGBTQ kids in Texas!

Well, that's every day in Texas, to be fair. But today they are doing it in spectacularly nasty fashion by disabling a state website that linked to a suicide hotline for LGBTQ+ kids in foster care because it might jeopardize Gov. Greg Abbott's electoral prospects.

Sorry about your mental health, kids, but we can't be using state resources to help you when Ol' Greg's got a primary challenger.

And what a beaut that challenger is! Check out Don Huffines, the real estate developer hoping to wrest the GOP nomination from Abbott next year.

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Charlie Kirk So Mad White Conservative Men Banned From Sports Now

Here's one more conniption for your file of white men losing it because Las Vegas Raiders coach Jon Gruden had to resign over all his racist sexist homophobic gross bad emails. Surprise, it is Charlie Kirk, and he is making the face you see above.

Kirk knows what's really happening, why Gruden got pushed out, and it's because white Catholic conservative menfolk just aren't welcome anymore in woke sports like football. This is of course by the decree of Roger Goodell, who is we guess the dictator tyrant prince of Critical Race Theory Cancel Cultures, on top of his regular duties as NFL commissioner.

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Look Younger And More Vibrant With Jesus Lady's Plan To Cast Out Evil Spirits Of Death

Personally I'm more of a snail mucin gal.

Meet Katie Souza! She's a kooky gal who supposedly led a life of crime and drugs and danger before becoming an evangelist. In a recent (okay, two weeks ago but I kept meaning to get to it!) episode of "Sid Roth's 'It's Supernatural!,' one of my favorite fundie talk shows on the YouTube, Souza explained how one can stay young forever simply by banishing the Evil Spirit of Death" from their lives. Which means I have been spending way too much money on skincare products.

What is the Evil Spirit of Death? Let's let Katie explain:

The spirit of death is active in the world at every moment, he's putting death on people's bodies, he's causing rapid aging, he's causing disease, disorder, he's also killing off finances and marriages and relationships.

And Sid, honestly, I believe that when we transition to heaven as a born-again believer, that we just do that. We lay down at God's appointed time and we just transition to our place in glory.

If the spirit of death is in the room at the time of our death, it usually means that we're dying of a disease or something that was not the will of God.

Well that is just science.

Souza has had her own run-ins with the Spirit of Death, who came into her room one day when she was sick. She even heard his voice! So she asked God who it was and God was all "It's the spirit of death, he's on assignment to kill you." And then she immediately went into menopause!

Renounce This Evil Spirit Aging You Prematurely!

Then she gained eight pounds and her hair got really bad and her skin started sagging all over — just in a week! As if that wasn't bad enough, the Spirit of Death then started screwing with her marriage and cutting off the financial support for her ministry.

And it got worse!

"I had four people in my life, very close to me, who were killed by the Spirit of Death," she explained, "Then he even took the lives of my dogs! Two of my dogs died within weeks of each other."

Apparently, as she learned from the holy spirit, she did some kind of sinning which gave the Spirit of Death the right to attack her and her organs. And apparently her dogs.

So she rededicated her life to Jesus and repented constantly, and that made her skin tighter and made her marriage better. Alas, her friends and dogs stayed dead.

Later in the video, she tells the story of how she met an old lady with some health problems and so she shook the Spirit of Death out of her and then the next day she was young again. And apparently wearing the same outfit and standing in the exact same place. Magic!

She Shook Off the Spirit of Death & This Happens… #Shorts

Yeah, I think I am probably going to stick with my snail mucin and AHA/BHA and all of my other skincare stuff, as that has been working pretty well from me (such a big fan of the Philosophy Microdelivery Dream Peel right now, by the way). I am not really interested in any supernatural assistance, as I already know how that movie ends.

meryl streep 90s movies GIF by absurdnoise Giphy

Also, Jesus' anti-aging program looks a hell of a lot like Botox and fillers.

Here is a quick but extremely dramatic bio of Souza from some religious channel called Daystar, though I have absolutely no way of vetting any of this right now.. I'm definitely getting some Mike Warnke energy though so take it with a grain of salt.

Born in 1963, Katie Souza grew up a tomboy, hunting and fishing with her mother on a rural ranch in Wisconsin. At age ten her family moved to the Hawaiian Islands. Katie's problems began when she started experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and hallucinogenic mushrooms. Her use of drugs escalated when, at age 17, she went to work in the entertainment industry as a disc jockey in Honolulu, Hawaii.

At age twenty, Katie left Hawaii to go to California. For three years she worked as a broadcast engineer at a CBS affiliate in Bakersfield, doing modeling and television commercials on the side. At this point her drug use was daily. In 1986, Katie moved to Los Angeles. Engrossed in the Hollywood drug scene, Katie dropped out of television and started a rock band. By 1991, Katie had become a career criminal. Her life consisted of drugs, clandestine laboratories, stolen vehicles, high-speed chases, gun shootouts, and many arrests. She was arrested in February of 1999, charged by the federal government with manufacturing, conspiracy and gun possession, Katie was sentenced to twelve and a half years in federal prison.

She did all of the crimes, all of them, and then she found Jesus and now she makes her living shaking old ladies to get evil death spirits to leave them alone so they can be young again. Good for her.

Now I am going to go and learn literally everything about this lady and her wackadoo life, and you may all open thread!

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Class War

Whether It Passes Or Not, We're Gonna Pay For Everything In The Reconciliation Bill Somehow

Cutting it will not actually save us money, it will just mean we spend it in a less efficient way.

This week, in his latest tantrum, Joe Manchin — who loves babies so much that he wants to force us all to have them against our will — told Democrats that he will allow them to pick one (1) program out of the four programs in the reconciliation bill meant to help working families and ditch the rest of them. It should be said that literally all of these programs — universal pre-K, subsidized childcare, making the child tax credit permanent and paid family leave. It should be noted that all of these programs are extremely popular. 70 percent of Republicans, even, want universal pre-K and 78 percent of them want subsidized childcare. They were pretty happy about the child tax credits, too. Huge majorities of the population also want paid family leave.

Since the beginning of this whole thing, Manchin and Sinema have been determined to get the price tag of he reconciliation bill down, acting like they're the adults in the room, the only one trying to be fiscally responsible, while all of the other Democrats have their head in the clouds, demanding ponies for all.

And honestly, I'm so tired of that shit, because the truth is — those opposing Build Back Better and other programs like it is not the "fiscally responsible" thing to do, just like it's not the "fiscally responsible" thing to do to drive on empty, even if you are currently broke and have to put the gas on a credit card. It's the fiscally stupid thing to do. It's irresponsible. Not just because it means people's lives will be less pleasant, but because it will cost us in the long run. It also flies in the face of common sense that we all understand when it comes to our own finances.

We are running up the bill anyway, even if we don't pay for it with taxes.

The choice isn't actually "Do we spend $3.5 trillion or do we spend less than that or do we spend nothing?" We could eliminate this entire bill, throw it out the window, and we'd still have to pay for what is in it. And we'd probably end up spending more.

Americans already pay for childcare. In fact, we spend $42 billion a year on child care. Over the course of 10 years, that's $420 billion, not accounting for inflation. Not spending that $3.5 trillion with taxes doesn't mean that we're not still going to spend that $3.5 trillion — and probably a lot more — on the very things that are in the bill. This includes things like the Citizens Climate Corps and other environmental protection items, because doing as much as we can with that right now means that we don't have to spend a whole lot more money to fix it later. It's not that we're not going to end up spending it, it's that we're spending it less efficiently.

Like a lot of people, I don't have kids. But I sure think it's a good idea to invest in their care and education, because there will come a time when we will all have to rely on them. Americans love to think of ourselves as so independent that other people's lives don't affect us, and that nothing can affect us if we do "personal responsibility" well enough, but that's simply not possible.

The reconciliation bill is an investment.

We know that if we live in a capitalist society and want our money to grow, it is usually better to invest than just stick it all in the bank. Sure, there's an element of risk involved, but there is also risk in doing nothing, because in a bank your savings could come to be worth less over time due to inflation. Investing in our future means we get to collect on that investment rather than seeing it all shrink away. We would be putting our money to work for us rather than just letting it sit there.

If we implement the bill now, that means better education and better jobs for people which also means they then pay more in taxes. If we keep going the way we are going now – with a massive percentage of people working jobs that don't pay them a living wage, meaning they pay less in taxes and also have no money to spend so that other people can make money and pay their employees with it, and so on and so on. The Economic Policy Institute estimates that the bill will support 3,246,677 jobs, and that's not counting the jobs that those jobs will support and the people that will be able to make more money themselves because of those jobs.

I get that $3.5 trillion seems like a lot, but not spending it also means losing out on a lot of money, for everyone.

We know that buying in bulk is cheaper and more efficient than paying retail.

That is why people buy memberships to shop at Costco or BJ's Wholesale Club and not to Louis Vuitton, which notably never has any sales. While it's a stupid idea to buy things in bulk if you're not going to use them, it makes sense for things that you are always going to need and that are a pain in the ass to run out of, like paper products, cleaning products, spices and seasonings and those little peanut butter stuffed pretzel nugget things. I mean, sure. It would probably cost less, initially, to run out to CVS and buy one box of Kleenex. But that adds up after a while and eventually, if you have sinus issues, it's not actually the cheaper option.

Medicare, essentially, buys pharmaceuticals and medical care in bulk. It should be using that leverage to pay less. However, we're all paying more for it because the "fiscally responsible" people don't want them to be able to do that. Medicare could be fabulous and significantly less expensive than it currently is if it weren't for these very wise people

It's simply more efficient to have universal pre-K for all children. We know for a fact that it's important to early childhood development, that parents need it so they can work and pay taxes, and we know that those doing it are not getting paid enough. Which means we could very well end up with a situation where no one wants or takes those jobs. Making it a public good (and paying people a living wage to do it) would be a massive stimulus to the economy and put children on the road to future success. Duh.

People only notice things that directly affect them and their lives

This is not an economic argument so much as it is a "duh" argument. There's not going to be a situation where we spend all of this money, improve people's day-to-day lives, but then "something" bad happens because we spent $3.5 trillion doing it. Even the rich who will have to pay more in taxes are not actually going to experience life any differently than they did before we spent it. And they'll actually benefit from it too, because they rely on the services of working people to maintain the lifestyles to which they have become accustomed.

I worked luxury retail during the recession — let me assure you, they'll be just fine. In fact, they'll be better, because economic inequality breeds instability, which makes everyone kind of go into hoarding mode.

If we're talking about votes, improving people's lives is a great way to get them. No one's life is going to be improved by not spending that money.

We're probably not going to get $3.5 trillion, and at this point we'll be lucky if we get anything. But Democrats need to realize that pretty much the whole thing they have going for them, as a party, are things like this. These are the things that allow us to say that poor racist folks are voting against their own economic interests. They have to do something other than preserve the status quo and not be literal fascists if they want to keep winning elections.

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Capitol Officer And January 6 Rioter's Star-Crossed Friendship Ends In Criminal Charges

Guess it just was not meant to be.

Michael Angelo Riley and Jacob Hiles met in a Facebook group about fishing. Little did they know that they would somehow be bound not only by social media and a love for largemouth bass (we assume), but by criminal charges stemming from the January 6 insurrection.

Hiles — a boat captain who had recently made headlines for refusing to allow Democrats on board, was there that day, wearing a charming shirt reading "FUCK ANTIFA," ready to tear down congress in hopes of reinstalling Donald Trump as president. Riley was there too, but on the opposing side — a member of the Capitol Police. Though as he would later tell Hiles, his heart was with the rioters. Unfortunately for him, so were his typing fingers.

The officer, after noticing that his buddy had been posting a lot of highly incriminating pictures and videos of himself inside the Capitol building, sent him a message suggesting that he take them down, because of how it is illegal and all.

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