Wash State Hillbilly F*cks Terrorize Multiracial Family Who Must Be 'Antifa'

A bunch of gun-toting chucklefucks were all het up by yet another fake social media "warning" about scary Antifa rioters being bused into their community — in this case, Forks, Washington, way up in the (beautiful!) peninsular nothingness of the northwest corner of the state. Yes, also the setting for those beloved Twilight books and movies about sparkly vampires and hunky werewolves. But there was no Twilight sparkle in this story, which was instead an outbreak of paranoia and discord in the tiny town, fueled by Donald Trump's insistence that Antifa is at the heart of all evil.

An area gun dealer warned on Facebook Wednesday he had absolutely rock-solid intel that Antifa was invading, which got folks in the area very worried. And then a multiracial family from Spokane showed up in a school bus, leading to a clusterfuck that was half Get Out and half The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!

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President Bunker Baby Had A Rough Night

About 110,000 Americans are confirmed to have died of the novel coronavirus, a number that's really ticking up these days. Tens of millions of Americans are unemployed. From sea to shining sea, Americans in towns as large as New York City and as small as Paragould, Arkansas, and Corinth, Mississippi — no links to stories, these are just things we know because we live down this-a-way — are peacefully assembling and marching to say Black Lives Matter, because everybody is at last sick and fucking tired of cops murdering black people.

And Donald Trump has some hurt feelings, we should put that on the list of things that are important, yes? Trump feeling sad and mad and stupid and angry and frustrated and weak and pathetic and loser? Of course we should. Because there is a direct correlation because that fucking idiot's failures and stupidity and everything else that's going on in America.

He is also a cornered Inspector Bunker Baby, so he's lashing out. So many people to get mad at, and nothing but free time to do it!

Let's briefly tick through the things upsetting Trump, which he told America, his therapist, on Twitter last night. (Under no circumstances should you try sifting through Trump's Twitter feed by yourself right now, because there are so many neurotic tweets and RTs over the past 12 hours, it's like a high-speed mental breakdown, so just don't do it. We'll show you the important ones.)

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Friday Poll Porn: This One Goes Up To Eleven!

Trump Baby GRRRR! And Trump Baby ARRRRGH! And Trump Baby WAAAAH! And Trump Baby YOU'RE FIRED, maybe?

Bloomberg reports that Donald Trump summoned his campaign team to the White House yesterday for a Toppp Seeekrit powwow.

"It's expected to be a tense meeting," a source said, anticipating that campaign manager Brad Parscale, deputy manager Bill Stepien, pollster Tony Fabrizio, and of course wonderprince Jared Kushner were in for a right royal tantrum from President Babyshits over his cratering poll numbers.

You hate to see it! Really, it couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of guys.

The details will leak out in five minutes, because, hello, this is the Trump White House. But since we couldn't be a fly on the wall, let's take a looksee at those polls that have the orange geezer shitting his Depends this time.

(You can always tell who he thinks is in trouble, since he RTs them repeatedly. In the past 24 hours, he's hit Martha McSally, Tom Cotton, David Perdue, Cory Gardner, Steve Daines, Thom Tillis, Cory Gardner, Pat Toomey, etc.)

First, up Arizona where Fox News has Trump losing to Biden, 46-42. Et tu, Foxy?

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TX Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick: God Just Gonna Keep Killing Black People Until We All Love Him Enough

Like most black people who aren't Candace Owens, I'm a little bummed over all the racist murders. I know there's no easy solution, but ... oh, wait, Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick just cracked this 400-year-old mystery wide open. He even did it on Fox News! That's what my relatives get for refusing to watch the network.

PATRICK: We have racism in this country, Shannon.

He was speaking Wednesday to “Fox News @ Night" host Shannon Bream, for whom this was possibly brand new information. What's important is he's identified the problem. Next, he'll come through with a fix. I just hope it's a quick one.

PATRICK: But it's really an issue of love.

No one -- not even The Beatles -- considered love as the answer to society's ills. Please proceed, sir.

PATRICK: It's loving God. If if you cannot love your fellow man, if you don't love God -- and we have a country where we've been working really hard, particularly on the left, to kick God out.

Yeah, it's the liberals who are treating God like a black family they don't want moving into their neighborhood. I'm not sure I agree 100 percent with Patrick's police work there. Black people are the predominant victims of racism and we're collectively very religious. According to the Pew Research Center, almost 80 percent of black Americans identify as Christian. That's about 10 percent more than white Americans, who possess the majority of the country's wealth and are significantly less likely to be killed by cops. Maybe God is our problem. God can't even protect us from white supremacist murderers when we're literally inside His own house.

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Cops Behaving Badly

Buffalo Cops Crushed To Learn They Can’t Go Around Beating Up Old Men

Why else did they become cops? What a rip off!

During a protest against police brutality in Buffalo, New York, two police officers shoved a 75-year-old man onto the sidewalk. Martin Gugino, a peace activist, had stopped to talk to a group of officers in their less-than-peaceful riot gear. Within seconds, an officer repeatedly yelled, “Push him back!" Instead of responding, “Dude, he's kinda old" or “Isn't that unprovoked assault?" officers Aaron Torglaski and Robert McCabe -- who are such BIG STRONG MEN -- did just that, and Gugino fell backward, landing on the concrete, with blood spilling from his ear. He was later hospitalized.

The police are apparently under the impression that people show up at these protests to sample police brutality, like it's a farmer's market. Mike DeGeorge, a spokesman for the city and the police department, originally claimed that Gugino "tripped and fell," which is what dirty cops in movies claim happened to a suspect they'd obviously roughed up. The Ike Turner statement fell apart because WBFO, a local radio station, had video of the encounter.

From ABC News:

"Once the department became aware of additional video from the scene, they immediately opened an investigation," DeGeorge [said.]

Yes, once the officers lies were revealed as lies, the department looked into it. They are such honest, upstanding folks.

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Culture Wars

Just What We All Need Right Now: Ivanka Trump Talking About Her Personal Growth


Ivanka Trump is very upset you guys.

Is she upset about the death of George Floyd? Or systemic racism? Or police brutality? Hah, no, she is not upset about that. Is she upset about the hundred thousand people who have died from COVID-19 in the past few months. No, not that either.

She is upset because cancel culture and viewpoint discrimination led to Wichita State University disinviting her from speaking at their virtual graduation, because of how students didn't want her to speak at their graduation and felt it was inappropriate to have her do that in light of everything that is going on right now. Shockingly enough, no one wants to hear from Ivanka freaking Trump right now.

Via CBS:

In a joint statement, Wichita State President Dr. Jay Golden and WSU Tech President Dr. Sheree Utash announced the decision to remove Ivanka Trump from Saturday's virtual graduation ceremony. They made the announcement on Thursday night, just hours after they said she would be speaking to graduates.

They said they would "refocus" the ceremony on students, with Rebecca Zinabu, a nursing graduate, as the sole speaker.

"In light of the social justice issues brought forth by George Floyd's death, I understand and take responsibility that the timing of the announcement was insensitive," Utash said. "I'm sorry that was never the intent, and I want you to know I have heard you and we are responding."

Ivanka responded to this with a tweet decrying the incredible discrimination she has suffered at the hands of college students in Witchita, Kansas, along with her pre-recorded commencement speech.

I've found that my greatest personal growth has arisen from times of discomfort and uncertainty," Trump managed to say out loud, without the slightest hint of self-awareness. I'm not gonna lie. I did not watch all 9 minutes of that speech, because of how I do not hate myself that much. What I did get, however, was the overall gist that a spoiled heiress was looking at a screen, with nothing behind her eyes, talking about building character and clearly thinking that people were gonna go "Oh wow, if Ivanka Trump can handle the horror of not getting the exact ostrich skin Birkin bag she wanted, or getting in some PR trouble whenever her clothing company ripped off an actual designer's product, then we can all totally get through this whole virus and systemic police racism/brutality thing."

"Cancel culture" and "viewpoint discrimination" are terms most often used by conservatives who don't like it when people don't want to listen to them or invite them to do things or like them just because of how they act like jackasses and say and do mean things. You see, the way things are supposed to work is that they say and do terrible things, and we treat them just like we treat people who say and do not-terrible things. And if we don't, that's discrimination. If we were really as loving and tolerant as we claim, we would think it was great that they say and do terrible things and then, subsequently, offer them many speaking opportunities and buy whatever it is they are selling.

It is not cancel culture, however, when someone like Tucker Carlson naming names of celebrities who donated to the NAACP legal fund and other bail funds. That is like, totally different.

As was the actual naming of names, during the red scare, because of how they were commies.

Luckily for Ivanka, she is a very, very rich person with a lot of power, and a lot more ability to be heard than the vast majority of people in this country. Including the mean students who "canceled" her. So we think she'll recover.


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Medical Supply Company Tosses All Swabs Made During Trump's Visit. Wonder Why!

We kinda need those swabs!

When Donald Trump was first running for president, a whole lot was made about how he was a germaphobe who constantly washed his hands and would not shake hands or touch anybody ever. Now, it seems, he's gotten over that. While the COVID-19 pandemic has led the rest of us to be more careful about things like that, it has driven Trump to embrace all of the germs and wantonly spread them around himself. Because machismo, I guess.

He's even refused to wear masks while touring various facilities producing supplies meant to keep us all safe during the pandemic, just to put that fine of a point on it. Yesterday, he toured the Puritan Medical Supply company in Guilford, Maine, and not only did he not wear a mask, he actually took one of the nasal swabs and put it near his nose. Later, he the workers "I shouldn't tell you this, but I use it every other day."

Now, Puritan has announced that they are throwing out all of the nasal swabs they made for testing for COVID-19 while Trump visited. They're not saying why, but we have our guesses, don't we.

This is especially crappy because we actually have a shortage of nasal swabs happening right now, in Maine and elsewhere. Puritan is one of only two companies that even make the swabs, and so really, every swab counts. Having to throw them away so the President can have a photo op kind of sucks! Though on the bright side, at least he didn't have the entire company teargassed in order to do one this time.

We have to wonder — who is he even doing this for? And why? The people who voted for him don't believe that COVID-19 is real, and the rest of us are just annoyed at all those swabs getting thrown out and at him for touring a medical supply company without a mask on. There is literally no audience for this. There is no one out there who is gonna go "Wow! I am a person who believes COVID-19 is a real thing and not just a fake pandemic meant to distract us while Bill Gates gives us the Mark of the Beast or while they process all of the mole children, and I am so happy to see President Donald Trump touring a medical supply facility without a mask on! This is very inspiring!"

I mean, maybe his people like seeing him tour these companies with no mask because it makes them feel like he is busting the balls of all of the people who think COVID-19 is a legitimate threat? Or maybe he thinks they're going "Wow, he's so manly he doesn't even need a mask! His penis is all he needs to keep the viruses at bay! So macho" Is that what's going on here? I don't know.

What I do know is that, really, we could have used those damn swabs.


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