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Good Thing Clint Eastwood Can't Libel The Dead

A long time ago, I determined that writing about art without having seen the work in question was SOME BULLSHIT, and I've tried to live by that since. But sometimes Clint Eastwood goes and calls a dead female reporter a whore, and it will remain, like most of Eastwood's ouevre, unforgiven.

I haven't watched a Clint Eastwood movie since the sadist lovingly lingered on a small boy getting ax murdered to bitses in a chicken coop in the Angelina Jolie vehicle Changeling. Because he's a fucking sadist. And as Liz pointed out to me in the chat cave while we discussed his marvelous, manly filmography, "That guy is fucking filth, and if there's one thing you can say about all the Karens and Beckys of Gen X, we certainly know who not to give our money to."

Liz, as she so often is, is correct. Now about that whore reporter.

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Who Wants To Watch The IG Call Lindsey Graham A IDIOT? We Do, In This Liveblog!

What happens when Republicans have been waiting for the Department of Justice Inspector General report LIKE CHRISTMAS, because they are so obsessed with their own fever drug hallucinations that it'll TOTALLY EXONERATE Donald Trump and prove that the Russia investigation was a DEEP STATE WITCH HUNT plot designed by Hillary Clinton in order to nefariously steal the election FROM HERSELF ... and then the IG report doesn't say that at all? In fact, it says the exact opposite of that?

And then the IG goes and sits down in the Senate Judiciary Committee, which is led by Trump-sucker Numero Uno Lindsey Graham?

We dunno, but we bet it's a shitshow. Let's watch TV together!

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Just When You Thought You Couldn't Respect Bill Barr Any Less

Bill Barr is a dangerous man. We've been saying that for a while now, but it's really glaring right now. Also glaring is the vile, disgusting mole on his lower lip and the other moles and warts he should really get a dermatologist to blowtorch off his face if he ever wants to appear on TV again.

After shitting on the IG report Republicans had been hanging their thoughts and prayers on, in a desperate pipe dream that it would exonerate Donald Trump and prove that he was right about the Deep State Witch Hunt ALL ALONG, Barr went on NBC News today to shit on it some more, while also shitting on the FBI and damning FBI Director Chris Wray with faint praise.

So what all did Bill Barr say to NBC News's Pete Williams, who did a downright garbage job of pushing back against the obvious lies Barr told him to his face?

Let us count the ways!

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IMPEACH THE MOTHERF*CKER ALREADY, Hey Look, We Are!

Democrats officially announced two (2) articles of impeachment against Donald Trump this morning, which is significantly fewer than the number of actual crimes Donald Trump has committed while in office. But hey, Americans are a simple-minded, easily distracted folk, so let's keep it simple enough that they can count the articles on their balls, without having to resort to difficult counting that involves fingers and toes.

The articles are "abuse of power" and "obstruction of Congress," both of which actually encompass quite a lot. Did Trump commit bribery? Fuck yeah he did, file that one under "abuse of power."

Here's some text:

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Crime

Feds Finally Find Mexican Voter Fraud In California. He Voted For Trump.

He LOVES the Republican Party, and doesn't see what he did wrong.

They finally found a voter frauder! Gustavo Araujo Lerma, 64, was sentenced Tuesday in federal court in Sacramento to three years and nine months in federal prison after being found guilty in August of passport fraud, voting by an alien, and aggravated identity theft. Lerma was almost everything the paranoid rightwing rants about in-person voting fraud and illegal immigration are obsessed with: a Mexican national who bought a US citizen's birth certificate and Social Security card in 1992 and has voted illegally in federal elections ever since then. But only once per election, not changing clothes, putting on glasses, and voting again and again. That guy still has yet to be sighted in the wild. Until then, white nationalists will have to chase church buses around on election day, because elderly black people are probably frauding like crazy.

Oh yes, and he's a very loyal Republican who not only voted for Donald Trump, he also donated to the party and got some nice swag, like

letters of thanks from the president, former Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus and current RNC chairwoman Ronna McDaniel.

Or their autopens, at least. Stands to reason a fake Trump voter would collect a bunch of fake autographs, no?

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Ukraine

Oh, ADAM SCHIFF Is The Dirty Ukraine Corruption Moneylaunderer Stealer Man, GOT IT RUDES.

What's in YOUR wallet?

When we elected a clown, we did expect a circus ... BUT NOT LIKE THIS. Who could have anticipated that Rudy Giuliani, who could have gone on hoovering up $20 million a year and running around with a new woman of a certain age every week, would instead turn into a globetrotting conspiracy theorist and bring the president to the brink of impeachment? Rudy's rantings have reached such a fever pitch of late that even we can't keep up. He's been yammering about Biden and some mystery $7 billion for a month now, but Rudy talks so much shit, who knows, right?

What is Councilor Grandpa on about? Does it even matter?

Thanks to the brave souls at Talking Points Memo who gloved up and reached in to the ass-end of the internet to figure this out, we can report that it's even stupider than we could have imagined. So ... here goes nothing!

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Culture Wars

Donald Trump Knows Where His Jews Are

This attempt to 'fight anti-Semitism' couldn't backfire, could it?

Donald Trump is reportedly all set to sign an executive order that's ostensibly aimed at cracking down on anti-Semitism on college campuses, or at least allowing the Education Department to punish schools that take part in or tolerate boycotts of Israel. But the particular mechanism Trump's using to shoehorn protections against anti-Semitism into civil-rights laws has plenty of people on the internets worried, because what the fuck is this fuckery?

The New York Times 'splainers the order's ostensible rationale:

Under Title VI of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the department can withhold funding from any college or educational program that discriminates "on the ground of race, color, or national origin." Religion was not included among the protected categories, so Mr. Trump's order will have the effect of embracing an argument that Jews are a people or a race with a collective national origin in the Middle East, like Italian Americans or Polish Americans.

Well isn't that nice? Nothing bad could possibly come of an official declaration that American Jews are a whole 'nother nationality, could it? Sure, maybe Donald Trump already talks about Jews as if they're not really Americans, but there's no way this could have any untoward implications, apart from perhaps inflaming that old anti-Semitic slander that Jews are always a people apart, foreigners in their own land. Gosh, wonder if anyone's ever written a book on the matter?

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Featured

Good Thing Clint Eastwood Can't Libel The Dead

Midnight in the Garden of Clint Eastwood, go fuck yourself.

A long time ago, I determined that writing about art without having seen the work in question was SOME BULLSHIT, and I've tried to live by that since. But sometimes Clint Eastwood goes and calls a dead female reporter a whore, and it will remain, like most of Eastwood's ouevre, unforgiven.

I haven't watched a Clint Eastwood movie since the sadist lovingly lingered on a small boy getting ax murdered to bitses in a chicken coop in the Angelina Jolie vehicle Changeling. Because he's a fucking sadist. And as Liz pointed out to me in the chat cave while we discussed his marvelous, manly filmography, "That guy is fucking filth, and if there's one thing you can say about all the Karens and Beckys of Gen X, we certainly know who not to give our money to."

Liz, as she so often is, is correct. Now about that whore reporter.

Keep reading... Show less
Russia

Trump And Lavrov Meet In Oval Office For A Little Reverse-Santy-Clausin', ALLEGEDLY

How did Evan write this while he is liveblogging? He must be a wizard.

Well, we kind of had a feeling that would go poorly.

On Tuesday, between whiny ass tweets about Nervous Nancy and Adam The Witch Paraphraser Schiff and whatever else, Donald Trump found time to tweet out a picture of his all-by-myself no-press-allowed Oval Office meeting with Russian foreign minister Sergei Lavrov, as you can see above.

He explained in that tweet that they talked of "many things," including "Trade, Iran, North Korea, INF Treaty, Nuclear Arms Control, and Election Meddling." Oh really, sir? Did Trump get right up in that Russian's face and say "HEY NO MEDDLIN'"? Even though last time Trump was in the Oval Office snuggling with this particular Russian, we later found out that he specifically told Lavrov that he actually doesn't care about Moscow intervening in our American presidential election, not least obviously because it's one of the only two reasons he "won"? (The other was spelled C-O-M-E-Y.)

The official White House readout of the meeting -- which is obviously a lie because it's coming from the Trump White House, the real record of what happened is either being put on the super-secret server for state secrets and Trump treasons, or maybe Trump just confiscated it from a translator like he did that time in Helsinki -- also says Trump "warned against any Russian attempts to interfere in United States elections," LOL yeah OK sure.

What say you, Sergei Lavrov? Did you talk about that? Lavrov was asked the question at a presser at the Russian embassy after his meeting with Trump:

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fox news

Bombshell: Fox News Hit With Sexual Harassment Lawsuit Wait THAT Can't Be Right!

Britt McHenry subjected to gross texts from grosser former co-host, Tyrus.

Fox News is a cesspool of racism and sexual misconduct. Peddling bigotry is how the network affords to settle its many sexual harassment complaints. It's a business model based in the concept of a serpent eating its own tail. Just as the movie Bombshell arrives in theaters, Fox is hit with yet another harassment suit. This one is from Britt McHenry, host of the Fox Nation show "Un-PC," but we're not doing the whole "live by the sword, cut the dickens out of your finger with the sword." No one deserves to be sexual harassed, even if they willingly choose to work at the International House of Grossness that's Fox News.

McHenry accused her former co-host, Tyrus, of harassing her early this year. Tyrus's real name is George Murdoch, but he's not related to Fox bigwig Rupert Murdoch, which would be hilarious. Tyrus reportedly sent McHenry "unwanted and unsolicited text messages with lewd, sexual comments" (these are almost always unwanted and unsolicited). Fox's response was consistent with an organization that has ignored all sexual harassment legislation and HR policies from the past 30 years. The network gave Tyrus his own show, "Nuff Said," and McHenry the professional cold shoulder. That's retaliation, and it's illegal.

From The Hollywood Reporter:

McHenry says that Fox News responded to her complaints against Tyrus by "refusing to investigate some of her claims, shunning her, shutting her out of company events, and refusing to allow her on Fox News Channel shows. [...] When Ms. McHenry complained to Fox News Human Resources and management, Fox News asked what Ms. McHenry did to provoke her harasser."

McHenry filed a lawsuit against Fox News on Tuesday. In addition to Tyrus himself and an assortment of malignant Fox corporate growths, the suit names McHenry's Fox Nation boss, John Finley, executive producer Jennifer Rauchet, and human resources executive Monica Mekeel. They all suck. McHenry claims that when she reported Tyrus for the third time, Rauchet told her that she was "replaceable" and "Fox News never wanted her."

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Culture Wars

Sad Wingnut Explains Slavery Saved Souls

Also cites Jordan Peterson a lot, so you know he's smart.

Twitter brings us glimpses of the world we might otherwise not know about. We're especially fond of the medievalists who share bizarre marginalia from illuminated manuscripts, like weird (non-white) mermaids or violent rabbits. Along similar but far less pleasant lines, yesterday a tweet brought to our attention a bizarre opinion piece at the American Conservative site, in which a dude gripes about how "postmodernism" destroyed his church. That horror was exemplified, among other things, by the time a guest sermon by a mean identity-politics black person said it was "sinful" to point out the simple fact that the slave trade brought millions of Africans to Christ.

See? Every bit as odd as medieval mermaids.

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Russia

Who Wants To Watch The IG Call Lindsey Graham A IDIOT? We Do, In This Liveblog!

SHITSHOW.

What happens when Republicans have been waiting for the Department of Justice Inspector General report LIKE CHRISTMAS, because they are so obsessed with their own fever drug hallucinations that it'll TOTALLY EXONERATE Donald Trump and prove that the Russia investigation was a DEEP STATE WITCH HUNT plot designed by Hillary Clinton in order to nefariously steal the election FROM HERSELF ... and then the IG report doesn't say that at all? In fact, it says the exact opposite of that?

And then the IG goes and sits down in the Senate Judiciary Committee, which is led by Trump-sucker Numero Uno Lindsey Graham?

We dunno, but we bet it's a shitshow. Let's watch TV together!

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Guns

Karma Kicks NRA In The D*ck

It's less than they deserve, but it's a start.

The NRA got 99 problems, and Letitia James is a really big one. Yesterday The New York Times reported that the New York attorney general dropped a new subpoena on the gunhumpers lobby. The NYAG has so many questions! Like did the NRA maybe make a whole bunch of illegal campaign contributions by throwing cash at GOP media vendors that happened to find its way into campaign ads for Republican candidates? And is the NRA's charitable foundation illegally funneling tax-deductible donations to the NRA lobbying arm? And how sorry is the NRA that it's chartered in New York state?

Just kidding about that last one. Letitia James already knows the answer is ALL THE SORRIES IN THE WORLD.

The AG is reportedly seeking records related to an FEC lawsuit filed by former Rep. Gabby Giffords' group alleging that "the NRA coordinated political ad spending and placement with these candidates' campaigns using a network of shell corporations, effectively evading federal contribution limits and shielding millions of dollars of political spending from public and government scrutiny in violation of FECA."

What, you don't speak lawyer? That's okay, the congresswoman included this nice picture.

In plain English, everybody in those pink boxes works at either 815 or 817 Slaters Lane in Alexandria, Virginia. And by sheer coincidence, the companies have a whole lot of staff overlap, too. Almost like these are all the same entity with some flimsy corporate dividers erected to preserve the illusion that candidates aren't illegally coordinating their ads with PACs. ALMOST.

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News

Miss Nancy If You're Nasty. Wonkagenda For Wed., Dec. 11, 2019

Bill Barr carries water, the Afghan Papers, and Brexit elections. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Russia

Just When You Thought You Couldn't Respect Bill Barr Any Less

Bill Barr did an interview with NBC News today. It will piss you off.

Bill Barr is a dangerous man. We've been saying that for a while now, but it's really glaring right now. Also glaring is the vile, disgusting mole on his lower lip and the other moles and warts he should really get a dermatologist to blowtorch off his face if he ever wants to appear on TV again.

After shitting on the IG report Republicans had been hanging their thoughts and prayers on, in a desperate pipe dream that it would exonerate Donald Trump and prove that he was right about the Deep State Witch Hunt ALL ALONG, Barr went on NBC News today to shit on it some more, while also shitting on the FBI and damning FBI Director Chris Wray with faint praise.

So what all did Bill Barr say to NBC News's Pete Williams, who did a downright garbage job of pushing back against the obvious lies Barr told him to his face?

Let us count the ways!

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2020 Congressional Elections

Trump's Doctor 'Candy Man' Running For Congress, Tells Texas District It's Just Big-Boned

No, the other one.

Ronny Jackson, the former White House doctor who proclaimed Donald Trump in perfect health and definitely svelte, then noped out of his appointment as secretary of Veterans Affairs last year once it was clear he'd never be confirmed, has filed to run for Congress in 2020. CNN has the deets:

A Texas native, Jackson is running as a Republican in the 13th District, which opened after longtime GOP incumbent Rep. Mac Thornberry announced his retirement in September. Trump won the district by 63 points in 2016.

CNN notes Monday was the very last day to file to run, so kudos to Jackson, who served as a White House doc in both the Obama and Trump administrations, for getting his job search going just a week after retiring from the Navy. It's good for retirees to have hobbies, like making the nation's laws.

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Courts

Who's Ugly Crying Now? Us, After Reading About Trump's Newest Judge

Sarah Pitlyk just won a lifetime appointment to make sure we all stop sinning, by law.

Another day, another terrible new federal judge.

Last week, the Senate confirmed eight more Trump judges to lifetime appointments, including Sarah Pitlyk, a woman whose entire legal career has been dedicated to fighting against reproductive rights.

We're not just using "reproductive rights" as a euphemism for abortion here. Pitlyk does, of course, think the government should control uteruses, but her hatred of reproductive freedom goes much, much further than that.

Fertility treatments, birth control, and surrogacy? The work of the devil.

Pitlyk has called contraception "evil," a "seriously wrongful" act, and "a grave moral wrong." And she wrote that fertility treatments and surrogacy have

grave effects on society, including diminished respect for motherhood and the unique mother-child bond; exploitation of women; commodification of gestation and of children themselves; and weakening of appropriate social mores against eugenic abortion.

When did she write that, you ask?

2017.

Pitlyk has never argued a motion or taken a deposition, much less tried a case. She was unanimously declared "Not Qualified" by the ABA. And now, she has a lifetime appointment to the United States District Court for the Eastern District of Missouri.

Bloody hell.

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2020 democratic primary

Dem Primary Polls: Voters Rejecting Bloomberg's Indecent Proposal

It's cheaper to just buy his own country and stock it with loyal, non-soda-drinking subjects.

Democratic presidential candidates wake up each morning eager for the latest polls to reveal how little voters think of them. The Morning Consult poll from yesterday surveyed 15,000 people in the four "early" states (Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, and South Carolina). This was during the period since I lost Kamala Harris and any measure of hope. Here's the menu. It's set, no substitutions.

Swinging Joe Biden breaks away from the pack, but Bernie Sanders is still a strong second. Hillary Clinton was 20 points ahead of Sanders at this point in 2015, but the Vermont senator lacked the name recognition he enjoys now. Elizabeth Warren is a distant third. Pete Buttigieg is tied (!) for fourth place with Tom Steyer's solid gold charisma. Buttigieg's performing well in Iowa and New Hampshire, but Nevada and South Carolina voters are giving him the back of their hands.

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Feminininism

Supreme Court: If You Want An Abortion In Kentucky, You Have To Let A Doctor Sexually Assault You

That's pretty much all a transvaginal ultrasound is.

Yesterday, the Supreme Court of the United States of America ruled to let Kentucky's transvaginal ultrasound law stand. This means that anyone who wants an abortion in one of Kentucky's three remaining abortion clinics has to let a doctor shove a wand up their vaginas in order to show them an ultrasound of their fetus, in hopes that this will convince them not to have an abortion. This should be especially thrilling for recently traumatized rape victims.

Without any sort of dissent at all, the Court upheld the decision of the 6th US Circuit Court of Appeals, that the law did not violate the First Amendment rights of doctors, thereby allowing the law to go into effect:

Via CNN:

"As a First Amendment matter, there is nothing suspect with a State's requiring a doctor, before performing an abortion, to make truthful, non-misleading factual disclosures, relevant to informed consent, even if those disclosures relate to unborn life and have the effect of persuading the patient not to have an abortion," the appeals court held in its ruling.

Ok, but what about the rights of patients to say what sort of medical procedures they want performed on them? Shouldn't that be a consideration? I guess not!

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Impeachment

IMPEACH THE MOTHERF*CKER ALREADY, Hey Look, We Are!

It's a Christmas miracle!

Democrats officially announced two (2) articles of impeachment against Donald Trump this morning, which is significantly fewer than the number of actual crimes Donald Trump has committed while in office. But hey, Americans are a simple-minded, easily distracted folk, so let's keep it simple enough that they can count the articles on their balls, without having to resort to difficult counting that involves fingers and toes.

The articles are "abuse of power" and "obstruction of Congress," both of which actually encompass quite a lot. Did Trump commit bribery? Fuck yeah he did, file that one under "abuse of power."

Here's some text:

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