Hit Dogs Holler

Looks like somebody heard President Joe Biden talking about him during his inaugural address.

Oh goodness! Did Joe Biden call Rand Paul a white supremacist or a racist or a liar or an every name in the book? How rude, if true!

What's that old expression? "A hit dog will holler"? Or "If your white hood fits, Rand"?

Yes, the senator who just had some problems with banning LYNCHING thinks he heard Joe Biden call him a white supremacist, racist liar in his inaugural speech.

So did the wingnuts on Newsmax:

TOM BASILE (HOST): [I]t was very dark.

It was no "American carnage," but go off.

BASILE: It was actually, you know, not unifying. It was actually quite divisive. It's very difficult to drive a unifying message when you're going to simultaneously talk about an overblown sense of white supremacy and systemic racism. And you lead a party that is driving cancel culture in America. You know, oftentimes when he was talking about unity I kept on thinking to myself, so does this apply to conservatives as well? Does this apply to pro-life people? Does this apply to people who've been cancelled at their jobs, at their universities, in the media, in their own lives because they believe in traditional American values, in more conservative values?

Joe Biden did intolerant disunifying cancel culture to white supremacists and racists! Can't we just compromise and say SOME white supremacism and racism are OK?

It wasn't just Newsmax and Rand, of course. Fox News was full of it.

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Q Followers: 'Was It All A Psyop?' 'Is The Military President Now?' 'What Does It All Mean?'

Q is gone.

Well, technically Q has been gone since December 8, but given the fact that Joe Biden is president now, it would be awfully difficult to continue the ruse and resurface again. And those who have followed the conspiracy are now in flux. They're flooding their message boards and Telegram groups, begging for "hopium" — theories to help them believe that they haven't just wasted several years of their lives on a LARP, that it was all real all along and that "patriots are in control." They're trying to sort out "what it all means" for them going forward. They're crying out in anguish, trying to figure out how the "Satanic Pedophiles" won and why they were allowed to do so.

"Trump did nothing. The military did nothing the country was handed over to them and everyone watched."

Some are close to giving up. Some are saying they'll hold on forever. And some are feeling outright betrayed by Donald Trump, who they say encouraged them to believe in all of this nonsense.

They're not wrong about the latter. Trump had every opportunity to tell these people that this was all nonsense, but all he said was "I understand they like me very much, which I appreciate." He never discouraged them, because why would he discourage people from worshiping him? Even if they are a bunch of lunatics who think Tom freaking Hanks is running a cabal of Satanic pedophiles?

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What Old Trash Did Biden Throw Out Once He Moved Into The White House?

President Joe Biden (bear with us, we'll eventually stop typing that so excitedly) made pretty good use of his first half-day on the job yesterday, taking a whole bunch of garbage policies from the previous administration out to the curb. Biden signed a whole bunch of executive orders to either undo actions taken by the president before him, or to take action against the pandemic that the prior administration hadn't bothered with. So let's take a look at the 15 EOs (and two directives to agencies) that Biden signed yesterday. No, he did not sign one to give you a pony. That's next week, be patient.

Almost all the items on his to-do list for the first day addressed one or more of the four crises Biden said would be the focus of his presidency: The pandemic and the related economic fallout, climate change, and racial justice, including the previous administration's war on immigration, all of which got worse under Donald Trump (we had to name him eventually).

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Biden Team Slams Door On T---p Defense Holdovers, Will Clean This Sh*t Up Alone, Thanks.

Let's skip to the punchline first, shall we? President Biden just told Trump's (acting) Secretary of Defense Christopher Miller to GTFO. Invited him to hit the road, Jack. And also cautioned him not to let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya. To wit, he's not getting any office space during the transition, because Bye, Felicia!

"Given Mr. Miller's acting capacity in that role, as well as reduced staffing and occupation of the Pentagon and auxiliary offices during Covid-19, we deemed it appropriate not to extend that perk in this instance," a Biden transition official told CNN yesterday before the inauguration.

An outgoing Trump staffer bitched that, "Excuses aside, the American people see this break in a long tradition of accommodation, proper records management, continuity of government and good manners for what it is: the last petty act of this transition's intransigent party."

GET BENT.

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justice department

Attempted Coup At The Trump DOJ? Just How Many Coups Was This Traitor Planning?

Lots.

Last night the New York Times revealed that Trump came very close to deploying the Justice Department to stage an electoral coup on New Year's Eve, and only threats by the entire DOJ leadership to resign en masse put him off it. Which puts us in the very awkward position of thanking our lucky stars for those filthy sumbitches who enabled the corruption of the last four years but, finally, in the end, discovered something they weren't willing to do.

SLOW CLAP.

In a story since confirmed by the Washington Post, the Times's Katie Benner reported that Jeffrey Clark, the (acting) head of the DOJ's Civil Division, schemed to shiv (acting) Attorney General Jeffrey Rosen and get himself installed in the top spot. From which perch Clark would then launch a plan to get the electoral votes in Georgia thrown out by announcing a fictional investigation of electoral irregularities in the state.

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Military

Tom Cotton Is Lying Liar Who Lied About Being An Army Ranger

Pretty sure that's called 'stolen valor?'

Anyone can go to clown school. I could go to clown school. You could go to clown school. But if you never actually work as a clown or register myself as a clown by painting your clown face on an official clown egg at the clown registry*, can you truly call yourself a clown?

Well, if you are Tom Cotton, you certainly can.

Sen. Tom Cotton sure has made a whole lot of his military career. It's pretty much his whole schtick. He went to Harvard Law School, joined a fancy New York firm and then left that fancy New York firm to join the Army, because of how much he believed in George W. Bush and his stupid, stupid war. One of the things he's talked a lot about — particularly during his senate run, was how very proud he was of being an Army Ranger.

But whoops! Turns out he was not, in fact, an Army Ranger. Not really, anyway.

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Weekly Top Ten

Wonkette's Weekly Top 10 Is Gonna Kiss And Love And Squeeze And Hug Him And Call Him George!

You come read your top 10 stories right now!

Good morning good morning good morning to you! it's that time again, but no it's really that time again, I have about four minutes to get this up and I don't think I'm gonna make it!

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