The Day Has Finally Arrived. Your All-Day Biden/Harris Inauguration Liveblog!

Good morning!

As we type this at you, Donald Trump, that motherfucker, has just lifted off on Marine One from the White House, for the very last time ever in world history. He was supposed to leave much earlier, but we imagine he was busy taking a shit. He's now on his way to Joint Base Andrews, where a crowd of military that's required to be there, plus whoever else Trump managed to bribe or coerce into showing up to wave him "bye bye!" will greet him, so that he may get on Air Force One for the very last time and fly the fuck away.

And then we can breathe one of the many deep sighs of relief we will breathe today. Because it's here. For real. It's January 20, 2021, and as of noon, Donald Trump is not the fucking president. Exhale.

This will be your inauguration day liveblog, and we'll be here updating it all day. Wonkette will have other posts, of course, like for instance on Trump's last-minute pardons of Steve Bannon — who was literally being prosecuted for fucking Trump's own supporters out of their WALL money — and a bunch of other people. We'll do our best to share you those posts in here when they go up.

Here's live coverage of the day, from NBC News:

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It's Your Virtual Joe Biden Inauguration Vendor Cart!

Hello, good morning, welcome to the first day of the rest of our lives!

The other night, as we were parceling out our Inauguration Day Advent Calendar mini liquor bottles, my son what prints your merches in our basement factory said, regarding the only two days remaining before our long national nightmare would (PRESUMABLY) come to an end, "Already? That was fast!" and my husband almost murdered him right there in the kitchen where he stood.

"'FAST'? 'ALREADY'?" he bellowed, followed by a cartoon string of epithets. He had a really good point! Every single day of the past four years has been a fight to even continue existing, and that's before the shithead that unaccountably somehow got "elected" president of the United States affirmatively killed more than 400,000 Americans and attempted to murder democracy itself.

It has been, dear ones, a trial.

Four years ago, I put "three months" in the office pool for how long it would be before Trump got bored and resigned because people were mean to him. I undershot it by 45 months. You should never ever ever listen to me.

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My Pillow Guy Dropped By Kohls, Picked Up By Dominion Voting's Lawyers

Mike Lindell didn't get where he is in this life by being shy. The former addict turned pillow pumper built a successful company by just going for it, and he's not about to stop now. The problem with just saying whatever's on your mind, though, is that sometimes it gets you in trouble — particularly when your mind is filled with syphilitic ferrets shouting COUP! COUP! COUP!

And so it is that Lindell finds his company dropped by multiple major national retailers just as he receives a preservation letter from the company he's been shit talking for months. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

For reasons not entirely clear, the White House has consulted Lindell on everything from coronavirus treatments to election security. Lindell, who failed to graduate from the University of Minnesota, has expertise in neither area. But he's been an ardent supporter of the president, and in the Trump administration, that's good enough.

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The Inside Story Of Trump's Delusional Three-Month Slide Into Outright Fascism And Eternal Loserdom!

Twenty twenty twenty four hours to goooo, Trump might need to be sedated ... nothing to do, nowhere to goooo-oh ...

Oh hello! We're almost to the 24-hour countdown, where you start seeing footage of the ball drop in Australia and all the people cheering because at least where they live, Donald Trump is no longer president of the United States. Or at least they should do it that way.

While we're waiting, Axios, yes Axios, has been publishing an outstanding ongoing series with original reporting on Trump's unraveling, his utter collapse, and his descent into utter loser and victimhood, from his historic loss on election night to his present status as a twice-impeached loser whose legacy will be the terrorist attack he incited on the US Capitol on January 6.

Apparently it goes with a podcast, so that's exciting if you're into that sort of thing. Being Axios, though, each dispatch is little and bite-sized, just the 100-calorie snack pack of news you need to get through your day with the appropriate level of Trump schadenfreude.

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Not Sure How Jailing 9-Year-Old With US Visa Makes Us Any Safer, But Border Patrol Did It

Joe Biden, please fix this.

In the final days of the Trump administration, the machinery of immigration cruelty kept grinding right along, because even if a new administration was on the way, there was still time to separate some families. Like for instance two Haitian brothers, Christian Laporte, 19, and Vladimir Fardin, 9, who arrived at San Francisco International Airport on Sunday. Both had valid US visas, but they were nonetheless held for 24 hours with no ability to contact their family or their lawyer, while US Customs and Border Protection agents questioned them separately. Yes, of course CBP questioned a nine-year-old without an adult present. This is how America has worked for four years. And Donald Trump's chief immigration asshole, Stephen Miller, doesn't see any reason for that to change:

Mr. Miller, we're still trying to puzzle out exactly how all — or any — Americans are helped by the detention and separation of a couple of kids who both had valid US visas.

While the brothers were detained, the officers took away their passports and decided neither visa was really valid after all, which meant that Vladimir was instantly an "unaccompanied minor alien," so he was taken away and sent to a shelter in San Diego run by the Office of Refugee Resettlement — again without being allowed to talk to his brother, his family back in Haiti, or his US attorney, Milli Atkinson. Vladimir was finally allowed a phone call to his mother some time after he arrived at the facility Monday, Atkinson said. And now that he's in the limbo of unaccompanied minor alien status, Atkinson fears, Crom only knows how long it will take to reunite Vladimir with his family.

"This system is designed to protect children from trafficking. But it was clear from the moment he entered that this was not a trafficking situation," she said. "It's a long bureaucratic process and it could possibly be months before he can see his family again."

Yep, the good old "maybe it's child trafficking" excuse for family separations, which is how the Trump administration has made life hell not just for undocumented immigrants since the supposed "end" of family separation in 2018, but for legal immigrants and travelers, too. This is exactly the sort of shit the new administration needs to work on as part of the overhaul of immigration policy Joe Biden ordered yesterday — just a few days too late for Vladimir and his brother.

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Conspiracy Theories

Q Followers: 'Was It All A Psyop?' 'Is The Military President Now?' 'What Does It All Mean?'

Is that all there is?

Q is gone.

Well, technically Q has been gone since December 8, but given the fact that Joe Biden is president now, it would be awfully difficult to continue the ruse and resurface again. And those who have followed the conspiracy are now in flux. They're flooding their message boards and Telegram groups, begging for "hopium" — theories to help them believe that they haven't just wasted several years of their lives on a LARP, that it was all real all along and that "patriots are in control." They're trying to sort out "what it all means" for them going forward. They're crying out in anguish, trying to figure out how the "Satanic Pedophiles" won and why they were allowed to do so.

"Trump did nothing. The military did nothing the country was handed over to them and everyone watched."

Some are close to giving up. Some are saying they'll hold on forever. And some are feeling outright betrayed by Donald Trump, who they say encouraged them to believe in all of this nonsense.

They're not wrong about the latter. Trump had every opportunity to tell these people that this was all nonsense, but all he said was "I understand they like me very much, which I appreciate." He never discouraged them, because why would he discourage people from worshiping him? Even if they are a bunch of lunatics who think Tom freaking Hanks is running a cabal of Satanic pedophiles?

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How Much History Can One Democratic Senate Make On One Inauguration Day? Many History!

It's gonna take a minute to turn this page, but it's turning.

Yesterday was pretty neat, doncha think? We liked yesterday.

One moment you might have missed in all of the wonderful things that happened yesterday was The Long Promised QAnon Storm when Vice President Kamala Harris went back to the Senate after she was sworn in. No, she didn't get lost or forget she got a new job. She was there to preside over the swearing-in of three new Democratic senators, all of whom made history.

Yes, the first Black, Asian-American woman vice president swore in:

  • Alex Padilla, new senator from California, the first ever Latino senator from California, appointed to replace one Kamala Devi Harris, who is now vice president. This led to a cute moment we'll share you in a sec.
  • Raphael Warnock, new senator from Georgia, the first ever Black senator from Georgia, who pastors the Ebenezer Baptist Church, which was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s church.
  • Jon Ossoff, new senator from Georgie, the first ever Jewish senator from Georgia.

Because the Democratic senators from Georgia were sworn in (and honestly, we love saying "the Democratic senators from Georgia" almost as much as we love saying "the vice president and her husband"), Chuck Schumer officially took control as the new Senate majority leader, making history as the first Jewish Senate majority leader.

So, it was a day!

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