Fox News Idiot Wishes Biden Didn't Constantly Ride Bike Like Old Sad Frail Dead Bike Riding Person

Hey, does everybody remember Donald Trump's theory of exercise? Namely, that you shouldn't do it, because it will deplete your body of all its energy and resources and kill you?

We always have to wonder just how brainwashed his sycophantic followers really are these days, how far they're really willing to follow him, which cliffs they're willing to hurl their bodies off of to prove their allegiance. But we do know that one of the many, many Fox News idiots, Rachel Campos-Duffy, was reporting on President Joe and First Lady Dr. Jill Biden taking a bike ride in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, this weekend, and decided to lob some zingers in the president's direction. You know, because he was exercising. Like an old person. Exercising. What a senior citizen. On a bike. Like an old dead person.

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Jake Tapper Very Through With Idiot Mississippi GOP Gov. Tate Reeves

Mississippi is a hot mess. (More than usual, that is.)

Mississippi, with its highest poverty rate in the nation, highest infant mortality rate, and its 39th place in education, has added a new "badge of honor": the highest death toll per capita from COVID-19 in the entire United States. With that in mind, CNN host Jake Tapper invited Mississippi GOP Governor Tate Reeves to appear on "State Of The Union" this weekend.

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Put That Horse Paste Away! Pfizer Vaccine Almost Ready For Kids Under 12

Here's some good news for everyone who's sane and rational about the COVID-19 vaccine: Pfizer announced Monday that its vaccine works for children aged five to 11 and will seek emergency use authorization for the age group soon.

Many parents of children under 12 (myself included) are anxious for their kids to get vaccinated. The Delta variant is highly contagious and there has been an alarming rise in pediatric infections and hospitalizations. More than 240,000 pediatric COVID-19 cases were reported in the United States just between September 2 and 9.

Dr. Bill Gruber, a senior vice president at Pfizer, told the Associated Press that Pfizer tested a much lower dose of its vaccine for elementary school-aged kids — a third of the amount in each shot currently. However, after the second dose, children aged five to 11 had developed coronavirus-fighting antibody levels of equal strength to anyone over 12.

The dosage for children is also perfectly safe — no magnetic side effects, just the same sore arms, fever, or achiness that many teens and adults experience, all of which are temporary and preferable to serious illness and death, which is usually permanent.

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Mike Pence Thinks He’s Serious Contender For Leader Of People Who Yell ‘Hang Mike Pence’

Mike Pence wants to be president. No one thinks this is a remote possibility other than Mike Pence and whoever sells him invisible clothing. CNN reports that the former vice president has a brand new office in Washington DC, and is staffing up in preparation for a 2024 run ... for the presidency, which is a job he believes is somehow attainable for him.

There were two full weeks after Donald Trump sicced a violent mob on the Capitol when we'd have been fine with Pence as president instead of his unhinged boss. It would've saved Joint Chiefs Chairman General Mark Milley a lot of coup-related grief. However, Pence refused to invoke the 25th Amendment to remove Trump, and he apparently struggled less with that decision than he did over whether to help Trump overturn the presidential election.

Pence let down MAGA and people who prefer to avoid a possible nuclear holocaust. That doesn't leave nearly enough voters for a winning coalition. Most Republican voters these days aren't interested in superficially moral, more-pious-than-thou candidates. They just want assholes who'll fight the culture war viciously and relentlessly. The GOP's future is clearly politicians such as Matt Gaetz or Marjorie Taylor Greene. Pence can't fake the funk as a Twitter troll.

But Pence remains undaunted. He's not clearing the field for Trump like Nikki Haley, nor is he pretending to wait until Trump officially declares his intentions.

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Guess Who’s Still A Doctor? The Ohio Kook Who Claims The COVID-19 Will Make You Magnetic

That’s Doctor Ohio Kook to you.

We've all had a good time laughing at the anti-vaccine conspiracy theorists who claim that the COVID-19 vaccine will make you magnetic — not in the sparkling personality sense but literally like a refrigerator door that reveals how many states you've visited. However, Cleveland-based Doctor Sheri Tenpenny was a vocal promoter of this nonsense. For reasons that are still unclear, the Ohio state House invited Tenpenny to testify — in public — as an expert witness during a hearing about vaccines this June.

Her comments were a mixture of outright lies and delusional fantasy.

And yet the state of Ohio believes Tenpenny should remain a doctor in good standing. Yes, the Ohio Medical Board renewed her license for another two years. It was set to expire on October 1 and arguably never should've been issued in the first place. Here's a taste of some of her testimony from June:

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Did Mark Zuckerberg Sell Out America Over Big Macs With Donald Trump?

It’s possible Mark Zuckerberg is a bad guy.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg is denying allegations that he made a secret deal to lay off Donald Trump prior to the 2020 election. To be fair, Zuckerberg does have a face that compels you to trust him.

Max Chafkin has a new book out called The Contrarian, about Facebook board member Peter Thiel. The title strikes us as unusual, because the PayPal founder has rarely behaved contrary to expectations for an entitled rich white guy. Chafkin offers details on a 2019 dinner Thiel reportedly attended at the White House with Donald Trump, his son-in-law Jared Kushner, and Zuckerberg.

A Facebook spokesperson told NBC News at the time: "As is normal for a CEO of a major U.S. company, Mark accepted an invitation to have dinner with the president and first lady at the White House." That was shady from the jump, since everything from the Trump presidency tells us "meeting with Trump," even if just for dinner, tended to translate as "Trump wants something." James Comey, the president of Ukraine, and assorted elections officials can confirm.

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Trump

Trump's 'Elite Strike Force' Of Lawyers Full Of Sh*t, And Trump Campaign Knew It

Well that's some news.

Here's some news we probably assumed was true all along, but having it confirmed really kind of brings what Donald Trump and his minions did in the days and weeks after he lost the election to another level, as Trump tried to seize and maintain power to which he wasn't entitled. This of course culminated on January 6, when a mob of domestic terrorists he incited over a period of months attacked the US Capitol to keep Congress from certifying the presidential election.

According to a memo filed in court last week -- in a defamation case against the Trump campaign brought by Eric Coomer, a former employee of Dominion Voting Systems, whose life was ruined by all this -- Trump's campaign was absolutely aware mere days after the election that all Trump's lawyers' bizarre and bullshit voting fraud conspiracy theories were just that: conspiracy theories.

The New York Times begins its story with the press conference Trump's lawyers threw on November 19. That'd be the one where Rudy Giuliani's face appeared to be leaking and Rudy was like "HAVE YOU SEEN MY COUSIN VINNY" and Jenna Ellis was like "THIS IS NOT 'LAW & ORDER'" and Jenna Ellis called their own group the "Elite Strike Force" and America laughed and laughed and laughed. It was also the one where Sidney Powell started saying amazing batshit things about Hugo Chavez stealing elections for Joe Biden from the great beyond.

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