Democrat Val Demings Leading Marco Rubio In Florida, And Other Bad News For Joe Biden!

This morning the University of North Florida released a poll that showed Rep. Val Demings beating Senator Marco Rubio by four points in November. Not to put too fine a point on it, but that is nuts for a candidate whom oddsmakers give less than a 20 percent shot at knocking out an incumbent Republican, particularly in a state which went convincingly for Trump in 2020. But in fact it's the third poll in a month which shows the Orlando Democrat tied or better with the thirsty Republican. And she's not the only one outperforming expectations in the upcoming Senate races.

Recent polling has Rep. Tim Ryan competitive with JD Vance in Ohio, Senator Raphael Warnock holding his own against Herschel Walker in Georgia (even as Stacey Abrams looks increasingly weak against Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp), and former North Carolina Supreme Court Chief Justice Cheri Beasley just about tied with Rep. Ted Budd. And that's before we even get to Pennsylvania, where Oz is visiting fictional grocery stores and threatening blunts for everyone if John Fetterman wins, or Arizona, where astronaut Senator Mark Kelly appears to have a double-digit lead over Peter Thiel's sock puppet Blake Masters and the state party has been taken over by weirdos who got bounced out of the bar on Tatooine. Even Nevada's Senator Catherine Cortez Masto, widely considered the most vulnerable incumbent, has maintained a slim lead over Republican challenger Adam Laxalt.

Thanks, Donald Trump! No, really. Because, with the exception of Little Marco, every one of these weirdos comes to the dance courtesy of the former president. And those are expensive tickets!

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Which Of Trump’s Fawning Adult Sons Is The Most Pathetic?

The FBI’s legal search of Mar-a-Lago last week apparently sent Donald Trump’s two unsuccessful attempts at producing male children on a tail spin of melodramatic rage and self-pity.

Eric Trump immediately whined to Sean Hannity that "no family in American history that has taken more arrows in the back than the Trump family” and “every day, we get another subpoena.” It’s probably too much to ask that the the Trumps consider doing fewer crimes.

Eric was also appalled that the FBI conducted its search "absolutely, you know, no notice.” It’s not a social call, asshole. The FBI doesn’t show up at your house for crudités.

PREVIOUSLY: Imagine Eric Trump Cold, Scared, Home Alone At Mar-a-Lago, And His Mommy Has Just Gone To Be With Jesus ...

Eric also insisted that his father hadn’t stolen state secrets but was just a sentimental old man who held onto “newspaper articles, pictures, notes from us.” That last one caused my wife to double over laughing, and unlike me, she’s a nice person who generally believes the best in people. She was in tears as she read the rest of this quote:

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Fox News Host Asked If Trump Tried To Sell State Secrets To Foreigns, So He's Probably Fired Now

Never let it be said that Wonkette is not immensely fair to Fox News. We are the goddamned Ranger Rick of being fair to Fox News, that's who we are.

Therefore, we'd like to point out that there was a host on Fox News this very week who dared to ask out loud completely sane questions like whether or not Donald Trump stole American nuclear secrets to sell to the Saudis or maybe the Russians. He noted that Russian media is blabbing that it's seen all our nuclear secrets, which sounds like Kremlin trolling to us, and also could be an attempt at a "hey look over here!" if the Saudi thing is the real truth. But at least he was asking some questions.

The host's name is Eric Shawn, and whatever no-name wingnut account posted this tweet, what they're interpreting as contempt is just actual questions about why Donald Trump was hiding American nuclear documents in the basement at Mar-a-Lago.

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Tucker And Trump, Translated: Nice Country You Got There. Shame If Anything Were To Happen To It.

A lot of people are paying a lot of attention to how Donald Trump said, from the bottom of his heart obviously, that the "temperature has to be brought down" after the perfectly legal and reasonable search of Mar-a-Lago for whatever nuclear secrets Trump apparently stole to sell to the Saudis, allegedly.

People are so angry, you see! Something must be done to calm these people's anger, and oh boy, he sure is willing to help. Just get a load of this oozing sincerity that Fox News copy/pasted and printed like it was real news:

"The country is in a very dangerous position. There is tremendous anger, like I've never seen before, over all of the scams, and this new one — years of scams and witch hunts, and now this," Trump said.

"If there is anything we can do to help, I, and my people, would certainly be willing to do that," Trump said.

"There has never been a time like this where law enforcement has been used to break into the house of a former president of the United States, and there is tremendous anger in the country — at a level that has never been seen before, other than during very perilous times," Trump said.

Trump told Fox News that his team "has not heard yet" from the Justice Department on whether they will accept his offer for help.

"I think they would want the same thing — I’ve never seen anything like this," Trump said. "It is a very dangerous time for our country."

He added: "I will do whatever I can to help the country."

Trump, reflecting on the "years of fake witch hunts and phony Russia, Russia, Russia schemes and scams," said that "nothing happens to those people who perpetuate that — nothing happens with them."

"And then they break into a president’s house — a sneak attack where it was totally — no one ever thought a thing like this would happen," Trump said.

We copy/pasted a lot of that because we really wanted you to see the context behind the headline that's everywhere, about Trump's offer to help bring down the "temperature." The words he said after that were literally "If it isn’t, terrible things are going to happen."

This wasn't an offer to help, it was a threat from a man who's already incited one terrorist attack against the country, and who's proven repeatedly that he loves to watch the motherfucker burn as long as the human trash that worships him is doing it for his glory.

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climate change

Have We Mentioned Just How Amazing The Climate Bill Is? Let Us Do So ONCE MORE

Don't listen to the downers: This is a real climate bill, and it'll reduce emissions and create jobs.

Yesterday, President Joe Biden signed the Inflation Reduction Act into law, meaning that for the first time ever, the US has enacted climate legislation. It's embarrassing that it took so long, and it's still a hell of a good thing. In fact, it was such a good thing that Joe Biden and Barack Obama joked about it on the Twitters, switching up each other's lines from memes past:

Did that make you smile in your heart? Well here's even better: The more we look at the climate provisions in this bill, and what actual climate and energy and economic experts are saying, the more impressed we are. We've already told you about what's in this bill for consumers, like the EV credits and the tax credits for installing home solar, heat pumps, and energy-efficient appliances. Now let's look at what the bill is likely to accomplish for US America and such as, and for this lovely blue ball we're on. You might even dare to let yourself feel ... remember "hope"?

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What Is DHS Inspector General Covering Up For Secret Service, Congress Would Like To F*CKING KNOW

Joseph Cuffari is a Trump holdover, in case it wasn't crystal clear.

And speaking of people who need to go straight to email jail ... it's time to return to the scandal over the deleted Secret Service texts from January 6, 2021. Because House Oversight Committee Chair Carolyn Maloney is fixing to string the Department of Homeland Security's Inspector General up by his balls over this mess. As she should.

To refresh our memories since every news cycle is fucking crazy, a month ago it emerged that the Secret Service had deleted all its texts just two weeks after the Capitol Riot when the agency upgraded its phones. Which meant that the agents couldn't help the House January 6 Select Committee investigate what happened that day, too bad so sad. In a July 13 letter to the Homeland Security committees in both the House and Senate, DHS Inspector General Joseph Cuffari attempted to get out in front of the issue, reporting that he'd done his best to investigate, only to be stymied by those darn Secret Service guys.

Turns out, not so much. As The Guardian's Hugo Lowell pointed out, the first request for those texts came from Congress on January 16, 2021, just 10 days after the attack on the Capitol. So if the Secret Service members needed a reminder not to delete their work messages about a coup — a statement which beggars belief — they had it.

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