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Stephen Miller Reportedly Doing Coitus

Forget about the whistleblower story about Donald Trump probably committing literal actual treason, because there is more important news out there, and it is that unfuckable Trump sycophant mini-Hitler baldhead dork who makes "34" look like a really rough "60" Stephen Miller IS REPORTEDLY BONING A HUMAN PERSON! And this reportedly human person is ALLOWING THAT.

Truly, the very last thing we expected to learn in the news today, or any other day, was that Stephen Miller is allegedly sexually active, unless it involved pending criminal charges or a cease-and-desist letter from 4H.

The news came in a tweet from Washington Post reporter Nick Miroff, atop a story about how Mike Pence had "tapped" (get away from Stephen's lady friend, Mike!) a former DHS press spox as his new press secretary:

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What Did Trump Promise To The President Of Ukraine? Or Russia? Or, You Know, Whomever?

Wednesday night, the Washington Post confirmed some of the worst fears we've all had about the story Liz (your Five Dollar Feminist) has been covering all week, of the intelligence community whistleblower who came forward through the proper channels to report that SOMETHING VERY BAD had happened, something he or she found of grave enough concern to take it to Joseph Atkinson, the inspector general of the entire IC, who took it to acting DNI Joseph Maguire, who then, instead of following the law, took it to Trump's Roy Cohn at the Justice Department, who immediately fired up the cover-up machine on all cylinders.

It's about Trump. Just after we learned that the CIA had to extract our most valuable asset in the Kremlin in 2017, partially out of worry that Trump would burn the source's identity to Putin, we now learn that Trump made a "promise" to an unnamed foreign leader that was so off the chain that it's set the intel community on fire:

Trump's interaction with the foreign leader included a "promise" that was regarded as so troubling that it prompted an official in the U.S. intelligence community to file a formal whistleblower complaint with the inspector general for the intelligence community, said the former officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the matter publicly.

It was not immediately clear which foreign leader Trump was speaking with or what he pledged to deliver, but his direct involvement in the matter has not been previously disclosed. It raises new questions about the president's handling of sensitive information and may further strain his relationship with U.S. spy agencies. One former official said the communication was a phone call.

The sources are two "former US officials," which is interesting, since whatever Trump did, he did it very recently, so either these are two very recently "former" US officials -- Hey, former DNI Dan Coats! You make friends with a Washington Post reporter? 'Sup, Sue Gordon? -- or people on the inside are freaked out and leaking to veterans on the outside to get the news to the people.

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36 Karens Agree: Requiring Schoolkids To Be Vaccinated Is EXACTLY Like Jim Crow

This weekend, we brought you the story of the anti-vaxxer lady who threw a menstrual cup filled with blood at California lawmakers in hopes that this would convince them to let people send their unvaccinated children to school. It should not have gotten more ridiculous then that, but here we are! Because apparently, this protest has now reached the point where all of the very affluent white ladies are comparing their "struggle" to that of the Civil Rights movement — to the point where they are walking down hallways actually singing "We Shall Overcome."

Via Politico:

A chorus of mostly white women sang the gospel song "We Shall Overcome" in the California State Capitol, an anthem of the civil rights movement. Mothers rallied outside the governor's office and marched through Capitol corridors chanting "No segregation, no discrimination, yes on education for all!" Some wore T-shirts that read "Freedom Keepers."

But this wasn't about racial equality. In the nation's most diverse state, protesters opposed to childhood vaccine mandates — many from affluent coastal areas — had co-opted the civil rights mantle from the 1960s, insisting that their plight is comparable to what African Americans have suffered from segregationist policies.

This is bad. This is very bad. It gets worse if you click on the Politico link and see the picture of these ladies carrying a large banner that reads "This Is The New Civil Rights Movement."

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Those Russian Spy Houses Trump REALLY Wants To Give Back To Putin? Spied On The FBI And CIA. YEP!

Not long after Vladimir Putin helped steal the 2016 election for Donald Trump, the Obama administration responded by levying new sanctions against Russia, kicking 35 Russian "diplomats" out of America, and confiscating two of their spy houses, or dachas, in Maryland and New York, which had been "suspected" of being used for espionage. But they weren't real clear on exactly what that meant.

Earlier this week, Yahoo! News came out with one of its bigass longform pieces that fills in some of the blanks of what those dachas were really used for, and if you can suffer through their 11,000 words of lugubrious prose, you might find yourself saying WOW. (You know, if you are still awake.) But worry not, Wonkette suffered through it! (Seriously, Yahoo! EDITORS. They exist. And if you hired a couple, this story might not still seem fresh THREE DAYS AFTER IT WAS PUBLISHED, because somebody might've read it!)

Before we get into this, though, we'd like to remind you that not long after Donald Trump was inaugurated, he decided he wanted to try to give the dachas back to Russia, in exchange for nothing. We note this because, if the Obama administration knew what was going on at those dachas, then the Trump administration did too, which presumably means Trump really wanted to let the Russians get back to the hard work of stealing our secrets and surveiling the FBI and the CIA. Gotta watch the Deep State somehow!

America started to figure out most of this around 2012 or so:

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Congress

Darrell Issa's Nomination To Trump Trade Job Burns Down To The Ground

The conflagration was fast and furious.

There's a lot going on this week, but let's not miss this opportunity to take one more parting shot at recently "retired" congressman Darrell Issa of Luckyfires, California, whose confirmation hearing for Director of the United States Trade and Development Agency went totally off the rails yesterday. Donald Trump nominated Issa for the position on September 19, 2018, and his fellow Republicans in the Senate were so excited about it that they waited an entire year to take it up in the Foreign Relations Committee. And then Rand Paul sided with the Democrats who moved to go into closed session to hear all the filthy, dirty deeds kicked up in Issa's FBI background check. Womp womp.

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Education

FINALLY! Betsy DeVos ORDERING Universities To Remake Curricula For Jesus And Netanyahu

And we thought she was just there for the for-profit scam colleges!

Betsy DeVos wants North Carolina students to know what a friend they don't have in Allah. Duke and the objectively superior University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill jointly run a Middle East studies program. The Education Department under DeVos's crackpot leadership contends that the program offers students as "biased curriculum" and has ordered Duke and UNC to remake the program (and reality while they're at it) to present more "positive" images of Christianity and Judaism in the region. If they don't, they risk losing their funding.

This federal intervention into college course content is both rare and fucked up. The Education Department argues the Middle East studies program "violated the standards of a federal program that awards funding to international studies and foreign language programs." We doubt DeVos knows what those standards are or would understand them if you told her. But the fundamentalist Christian won't stand for any perceived anti-Israel bias in higher education.

Leading the charge is Kenneth L. Marcus. He's Donald Trump's assistant secretary for civil rights in the Education Department, so you know you're getting screwed. The position traditionally confronts racial bias and sexual violence. Marcus has as much use for that as Ben Shapiro does for an item on the top shelf. Marcus is obsessed with what he sees as a rising tide of anti-Semitism on the "campus left." He conflates Jews and Israel, which we personally think is itself anti-Semitic. But so it goes. When working in the George W. Bush administration, Marcus did reinforce protections for Muslims and Sikhs who were discriminated against during that brief period of love and harmony everyone claims happened after 9/11. He's over that phase now. He currently seeks to "delegitimize and defund" Middle East studies programs with "an anti-Israel bias." He probably defines "bias" as recognizing that Israel is populated with human beings who aren't perfect and occasionally make Netanyahu-shaped mistakes.

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News

Rudy Sh*ts The Bed (Again)! Wonkagenda For Fri., Sept. 20, 2019

Rudy admits a(nother) crime on TV, Rep. Matt Gaetz gets racist, and stoned dolphins. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Culture

Uh Oh! Did Fox Just 'Cancel Culture' Taylor Swift?

She's a woman so it doesn't count.

For the last week, at least, the Right has raged online over Saturday Night Live's firing of terrible comedian Shane Gillis — who was reportedly only hired in the first place as a desperate attempt to appeal to conservatives, and was thus able to forego the usual audition process — for having simply made the "mistake" of doing a bunch of obviously racist jokes about Chinese people. Oh! How they have felt the pain of this poor white man having his entire future ruined just for one little mistake that is reportedly the kind of thing he does all of the time. How they have railed against the destruction of freedom of speech! The slippery slope of holding people accountable for the things they say! How could he have known, way back in the mists of 2018, that making fun of Chinese people would be a thing people considered "racist" in 2019? And even if it were a bad thing he did, he might have changed, if only he never had to face any consequences for what he did. Now he'll probably have to be a racist who tells bad jokes forever! Don't we want people to change?

Oh how sick they were of this terrible, anti-freedom of speech culture in which you keep seeing people say things like, "Oh hey, that guy is very racist, so I don't want to watch a show with him on it or buy his albums or hear anything else he has to say." After all, what is even the difference between saying something sexist or racist and having a favorite color? They are both simply opinions, and all opinions are equally valid.

That is, until, this morning, when the gang over at Fox and Friends questioned whether or not good American citizens should continue buying Taylor Swift's albums and such, now that she has come out of the closet as someone who is not only a Democrat, but as someone who voted for Barack Obama and liked having him as a president. What? So controversial!

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Science

16-Year-Old Badass Schools Congress On Climate Change

Greta Thunberg is a hero.

On Wednesday, Greta Thunberg bluntly told Congress that it's time to step up and actually do something about climate change. "You're not trying hard enough. Sorry," said the 16-year-old Swedish climate activist.

Thunberg and four other student activists were invited to speak to the House Climate Crisis Committee and a House Foreign Affairs subcommittee about climate change. Rather than read her prepared remarks, Thunberg submitted the UN's 2018 report from Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC).

Why? "I don't want you to listen to me. I want you to listen to the scientists."

"This is not political views or my opinions," said Thunberg. "This is science."

Everything Climate Activist Greta Thunberg Said Before Congress | NBC New York www.youtube.com

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Featured

Stephen Miller Reportedly Doing Coitus

Probably just don't read this post.

Forget about the whistleblower story about Donald Trump probably committing literal actual treason, because there is more important news out there, and it is that unfuckable Trump sycophant mini-Hitler baldhead dork who makes "34" look like a really rough "60" Stephen Miller IS REPORTEDLY BONING A HUMAN PERSON! And this reportedly human person is ALLOWING THAT.

Truly, the very last thing we expected to learn in the news today, or any other day, was that Stephen Miller is allegedly sexually active, unless it involved pending criminal charges or a cease-and-desist letter from 4H.

The news came in a tweet from Washington Post reporter Nick Miroff, atop a story about how Mike Pence had "tapped" (get away from Stephen's lady friend, Mike!) a former DHS press spox as his new press secretary:

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popular

Donald Trump To LOCK HER UP San Francisco For Homeless Pollution

Yep, it's that crazy.

In today's episode of Shit Poppy Says, Donald Trump has #Thoughts on homeless people. Apparently, the city of San Francisco is in BIG TROUBLE, MISTER for allowing its homeless population to throw used needles into the storm drains willy nilly. So Donald Trump's EPA, which cares so very deeply about the health of our planet, will be issuing a violation toot sweet for the city's flagrant violation of A LAW. What law he thinks San Francisco is violating, the Derp Leader didn't say. But it's a big one, that's for sure!

Please, White House Pooler, tell the good people that Your Wonkette hasn't gone entirely off the deep end and made up this crazy shit that Trump barfed out last night on Airforce One.

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2020 democratic primary

Tom Steyer Won't Tell You Where His Money Comes From So Please Make Him President

He's now our least favorite Tim Ryan.

Billionaire Tom Steyer's vanity campaign for president is coming along nicely. He's bought his way onto the stage for the next Democratic debate. Sure, he doesn't propose stopping hurricanes with mental telepathy but he's still not remotely qualified for the job. We've tried electing rich white guys with no political experience. We don't think it'll work out better even if Steyer's significantly less racist.

One big issue -- and there are so many -- with Donald Trump is that he keeps his skeevy finances on the QT and very hush-hush. Turns out Steyer doesn't want to tell us where his money comes from, either. He gave a "broad view of his extensive assets and sources of income," but he won't go into detail about "significant segments of his investment portfolio" because of confidentiality agreements and other reasons that benefit rich guys.

Steyer's down low assets have a reported worth between $370 million and $742 million. That's quite a range. And the total could be even higher. It's at the point where you don't even bother counting the money any more. His financial advisers could be stealing from him and he'd never notice, like barnacles on a whale.

The Office of Government Ethics was repeatedly told to fuck off by Steyer in the most polite legalese. Regarding his holdings in 43 different "investment vehicles," Steyer stated that "underlying assets are not disclosed due to a preexisting confidentiality agreement." But don't worry. He pledges to fully divest from them all if he's elected president. Wait ... why can't he do that now?

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Russia

What Did Trump Promise To The President Of Ukraine? Or Russia? Or, You Know, Whomever?

If Wonkette's right about this, MUST CREDIT WONKETTE.

Wednesday night, the Washington Post confirmed some of the worst fears we've all had about the story Liz (your Five Dollar Feminist) has been covering all week, of the intelligence community whistleblower who came forward through the proper channels to report that SOMETHING VERY BAD had happened, something he or she found of grave enough concern to take it to Joseph Atkinson, the inspector general of the entire IC, who took it to acting DNI Joseph Maguire, who then, instead of following the law, took it to Trump's Roy Cohn at the Justice Department, who immediately fired up the cover-up machine on all cylinders.

It's about Trump. Just after we learned that the CIA had to extract our most valuable asset in the Kremlin in 2017, partially out of worry that Trump would burn the source's identity to Putin, we now learn that Trump made a "promise" to an unnamed foreign leader that was so off the chain that it's set the intel community on fire:

Trump's interaction with the foreign leader included a "promise" that was regarded as so troubling that it prompted an official in the U.S. intelligence community to file a formal whistleblower complaint with the inspector general for the intelligence community, said the former officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the matter publicly.

It was not immediately clear which foreign leader Trump was speaking with or what he pledged to deliver, but his direct involvement in the matter has not been previously disclosed. It raises new questions about the president's handling of sensitive information and may further strain his relationship with U.S. spy agencies. One former official said the communication was a phone call.

The sources are two "former US officials," which is interesting, since whatever Trump did, he did it very recently, so either these are two very recently "former" US officials -- Hey, former DNI Dan Coats! You make friends with a Washington Post reporter? 'Sup, Sue Gordon? -- or people on the inside are freaked out and leaking to veterans on the outside to get the news to the people.

Keep reading... Show less
popular

36 Karens Agree: Requiring Schoolkids To Be Vaccinated Is EXACTLY Like Jim Crow

Please stop this.

This weekend, we brought you the story of the anti-vaxxer lady who threw a menstrual cup filled with blood at California lawmakers in hopes that this would convince them to let people send their unvaccinated children to school. It should not have gotten more ridiculous then that, but here we are! Because apparently, this protest has now reached the point where all of the very affluent white ladies are comparing their "struggle" to that of the Civil Rights movement — to the point where they are walking down hallways actually singing "We Shall Overcome."

Via Politico:

A chorus of mostly white women sang the gospel song "We Shall Overcome" in the California State Capitol, an anthem of the civil rights movement. Mothers rallied outside the governor's office and marched through Capitol corridors chanting "No segregation, no discrimination, yes on education for all!" Some wore T-shirts that read "Freedom Keepers."

But this wasn't about racial equality. In the nation's most diverse state, protesters opposed to childhood vaccine mandates — many from affluent coastal areas — had co-opted the civil rights mantle from the 1960s, insisting that their plight is comparable to what African Americans have suffered from segregationist policies.

This is bad. This is very bad. It gets worse if you click on the Politico link and see the picture of these ladies carrying a large banner that reads "This Is The New Civil Rights Movement."

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Guns

Who Murdered The President's Gun Background Checks Which He Totally Wanted Very Much?

BETOOOOOOOOOO.

Donald Trump is really, really bad at governing, and every single Republican in DC knows it. Yesterday he dispatched Attorney General Bill "Everyone Dies" Barr and White House Legislative Affairs Director Eric Ueland to wander around the Senate flogging a plan for expanded background checks. To the untrained eye, an endorsement by the chief law enforcement officer in the land and the guy whose actual job is to get the president and members of Congress on the same page might suggest that Donald Trump himself was behind the proposal.

BUT NO! White House spokesliar Higgledy Piggledy is here to set the record straight, telling Politico, "That is not a White House document, and any suggestion to the contrary is completely false." How dare anyone suggest that Trump has actual principles and uses his staff as something other than cannon fodder! The very nerve!

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White Nonsense

Justin Trudeau Falls Flat On His Blackface

OH NO TRUDEAU.

It's Thursday, so it's time for another blackface scandal. We've covered a variety of Al Jolson sightings while on the blackface beat, but this is our first with an international dateline. We learned last night that Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wore blackface to an "Arabian Nights"-themed party at the private school where he was a teacher. A photograph of Trudeau insulting multiple cultures appeared in the West Point Grey Academy yearbook. This happened in spring of 2001. Trudeau was 29.

Google

The media is calling this a "brownface" incident, but Trudeau wasn't cosplaying as the second Aunt Viv on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." He went full original recipe Viv. Joy Behar once put on "darker makeup" to look like an African queen for Halloween. That's "brownface." That was also the 1970s. Trudeau's face is blacker than Fred Astaire as Mr. Bojangles.

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lawsplainer

Apple To European Tax Commission: Eat Me

I see what we did there.

Apple is not a fan of paying taxes.

Apple's European headquarters is in Ireland. In 2014, Apple paid Ireland just 0.005% of its revenue in taxes. This is par for the course, not just for large corporations generally, but also for Apple specifically. As noted by Gizmodo, "last year Apple paid $0.00 in federal tax in the US despite making $11.2 billion in profit."

The EU said, "Not in our jurisdiction," and the European Commission ordered Apple to pay €13 billion ($14 billion USD) in back taxes. Naturally, Apple balked. So now it's taking the European Union to court over the order. Because taxes are for poor people. Or something.

Incredibly, Ireland is taking Apple's side.

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Russia

Those Russian Spy Houses Trump REALLY Wants To Give Back To Putin? Spied On The FBI And CIA. YEP!

Gotta keep an eye on the Deep State somehow, obviously!

Not long after Vladimir Putin helped steal the 2016 election for Donald Trump, the Obama administration responded by levying new sanctions against Russia, kicking 35 Russian "diplomats" out of America, and confiscating two of their spy houses, or dachas, in Maryland and New York, which had been "suspected" of being used for espionage. But they weren't real clear on exactly what that meant.

Earlier this week, Yahoo! News came out with one of its bigass longform pieces that fills in some of the blanks of what those dachas were really used for, and if you can suffer through their 11,000 words of lugubrious prose, you might find yourself saying WOW. (You know, if you are still awake.) But worry not, Wonkette suffered through it! (Seriously, Yahoo! EDITORS. They exist. And if you hired a couple, this story might not still seem fresh THREE DAYS AFTER IT WAS PUBLISHED, because somebody might've read it!)

Before we get into this, though, we'd like to remind you that not long after Donald Trump was inaugurated, he decided he wanted to try to give the dachas back to Russia, in exchange for nothing. We note this because, if the Obama administration knew what was going on at those dachas, then the Trump administration did too, which presumably means Trump really wanted to let the Russians get back to the hard work of stealing our secrets and surveiling the FBI and the CIA. Gotta watch the Deep State somehow!

America started to figure out most of this around 2012 or so:

Keep reading... Show less
popular

Hanging On The Telephone! Wonkagenda For Thurs., Sept. 19, 2019

Trump phone sexes Not America, some gun humping, and 2020 shenanigans! Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
Culture

Ben Shapiro Is Wrong And Stupid About Pronouns, By A Doktor Of Rhetoric

Yes, and about everything else, but we decided to focus on the one thing.

Ben Shapiro, the rightwing thought leader who thinks stupid things, has just about had it with you killjoy liberals and your insane social engineering schemes to turn America into the worst place on Earth. And that's why he's taking a very principled stand against the latest liberal outrage against all that's good and holy: pronouns. Yes, really. Sorry, Ben, you're almost two months behind Peggy Noonan on this one. Not to mention a few years behind much of the rest of America, even universities in the South, where referring to people the way they'd like to be referred to is considered polite to trans people and everyone else, not a sign of coming tyranny. (Everything is tyranny for these guys, except for when they want to lock certain people up forever.)

Still, it's a sin to waste a Ben Shapiro snit, so let us observe Mr. Facts Don't Care About Your Feelings and his mighty, fact-based brain at work:

First off, in this age of deepfakes and other video trickery, we should demand proof that this is actually Ben Shapiro talking all staccato and spitty-like, and not an AI simulation that's been snorting digital Adderall. That's some unnaturally fast bullshit delivery there.

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