Cover Your Eyes! And Your Ears! Just Watch The Trump Biden Debate Through This Here Liveblog!

Am I happy that I'm liveblogging this goddamn shitcrap final Trump Biden debate tonight? No. But I am already full of a lovely rum, and nobody can ask for happiness these fuckforsaken days. Will I be able to hear and understand them as Trump hoots and drools and grabs at his own crotch and shits in his own hand like a methed out gorilla? I will not! I am somewhat hard of hearing, from all my youthful rock shows. But nobody can ask for "hearing" either, so fuck it.

Twelve days.

Good luck, moderator Kristen Welker. Good luck, Wonkers, do not do this Washingtonian drinking game, you will die. This Washingtonian self-care NOT DRINKING game sounds much better. SHY GET ME SOME MOTHERFUCKING CHAMOMILE TEA. With some rum.

Have a goddamn livestream.

Livestream: The final 2020 presidential debate on CNN www.youtube.com


Keep reading... Show less

Franklin Graham Tells The Pope How To Catholic

Yesterday, it was revealed that, in a new documentary called Francesco, Pope Francis voiced support for civil unions and for not being shitty to gay people in general.

"Homosexual people have the right to be in a family. They are children of God," He said. "You can't kick someone out of a family, nor make their life miserable for this. What we have to have is a civil union law; that way they are legally covered."

Granted, this view is way behind the times for 2020, but it's a pretty massive step for the Catholic Church, which has certainly had its issues with LGBTQ rights over the years. Of course his opinion doesn't automatically make it church doctrine — the word of the pope is actually only infallible when he is speaking ex cathedra, in his official capacity as pope — but it carries a lot of weight nonetheless. It will also likely mean a lot to a lot of people and a lot of families out there.

This morning, evangelical pastor Franklin Graham, son of Billy Graham and notably not a Catholic, railed against Pope Francis's comments on his Facebook page, accusing him of saying that "sins" don't matter.

Keep reading... Show less

Does Rudy Giuliani Also Pull His Pants Down All The Way To Pee?

Have you been following the twisting tale of Rudy Giuliani going back to his hotel room with the lady he thought was a young pretty reporter who wanted to see his Little Rudy, but just as it appeared things were about to go down, Borat ran into the room like "PUT DOWN YOUR CHRAM" and shouted that she was 15 and therefore too old for him?

HERE COME THE EXCUSES.

HE WAS JUST TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT, YOU GUYS.

Keep reading... Show less

Rudy Giuliani, PUT DOWN YOUR CHRAM!

Rudy Giuliani: How many successes can one man have in a week?

Rudy has been caught on tape, not with a Russian spy (this time), but with Borat's "daughter" Tutar, and ... well, thank goodness he didn't masturbate on Zoom or anything, but ...

OK, so in the new movie Borat: Subsequent Moviefilm, which comes out Friday on Amazon Prime, the character who plays "Tutar" is pretending to be a conservative journalist, and she gets Rudy to do an interview with her. The Daily Beast's description is very colorful, so we will use it:

Keep reading... Show less
Snake Oil & General Woo

James Randi Outed Some Truly Heinous Frauds, And For That We Should All Be Grateful

The Amazing Randi died this week at the age of 92.

Magician and professional skeptic James "The Amazing Randi" Randi died this week at the age of 92 — without ever having given away a million

Although the One Million Dollar Paranormal Challenge ended in 2015, Randi had promised for years to give a million dollars to anyone who could offer any actual proof at all of the kind of supernatural phenomena he was known for debunking — psychic powers, telekineses, spoon bending, faith healing, ghosts, dowsing, remote viewing etc. — under rigorous scientific conditions. Despite thousands of applicants, no one ever passed. And many, like "psychic" Sylvia Browne, a cold ass bitch known for telling the families of missing children that their kids were dead when they would later turn out not to be, refused to be tested.

Browne was emblematic of the people Randi set out to debunk. Unlike some other professional atheists and skeptics we could name, his thing wasn't making people feel or look stupid so much as it was taking down those who took advantage of others and tried to swindle them in one way or another.

"People who are stealing money from the public, cheating them and misinforming them — that's the kind of thing that I've been fighting all my life," he said in "An Honest Liar" — a 2014 film documenting Randi's experience in coming out publicly as gay so late in life.

Keep reading... Show less
2020 presidential election

Javanka To Sue Over Accurate Billboards Suggesting They DGAF About People Dying

Which, you know, they don't.

Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump are suing The Lincoln Project, a group of anti-Trump conservatives who will turn on us as soon as Trump is out of office, for putting up two billboards in New York City — a city in a state that Trump has absolutely no chance of winning anyway — about how they are both very "I Really Don't Care Do U?" about New Yorkers and Americans in general dying of COVID-19.

One one billboard, Ivanka smiles while presenting, Vanna White style, COVID-19 death tallies from both New York and the country at large. Another features a smiling picture of Jared saying "[New Yorkers ] are going to suffer and that's their problem" above a pile of body bags.

Lawyers for the couple sent out a letter saying that the billboards misrepresented them and that they were suing them for libel or whatever.

Keep reading... Show less
Snake Oil & General Woo

GOP Rep Accuses Wife Of Witchcraft

Rep Clay Higgins' wife had a premonition about jack booted thugs coming for them and stealing their food!

For the past few years, many on the Right have been fantasizing about Donald Trump enacting martial law and arresting all of the Democrats for sacrificing children to Satan and then drinking their blood or whatever. It's been scheduled to happen on multiple occasions, and each time, the prophesies have failed. Mostly because it's like super hard to just will these kinds of things into existence.

But now, with the possibility of a Biden presidency looming on the horizon, Conservatives have once again started fretting about the jack booted thugs who are going to come to their house and take their freedoms, just like they never did during the Obama administration.

This time, however, it's kind of serious, because of how Rep. Clay Higgins' wife has psychic powers. Higgins, you may recall, is the former of the Captain St. Landry Parish Sheriff's Office in Opelousas, Louisiana, where he made a series of extremely batshit "Crimestopper" videos. These bizarre videos catapulted him to a seat in Congress, where the Second Amendment lover threatened to murder a bunch of black militia members because he believes in people having guns but, you know, not like that. Not when they're not white people. He also once, uh, recorded a very awkward video inside a reconstructed gas chamber at Auschwitz.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)