Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Walks Into A Bar. Being Asked To Leave Is The Holocaust.

On Sunday, just two days after thousands of the worst people in the United States convened on Washington to share their desire to force people to give birth against their will, thousands of the other worst people in the United States gathered to share their desire to keep the pandemic going forever and continue to overrun hospitals forever (or at least until they all die out), because not only do they not want to get vaccines, they want to force others to be around them.

There was a lot of crossover.

The anti-vaxxers carried signs reading "My Body My Choice," an odd sentiment for people who do not feel that others should be allowed to choose not to be around them, on account of how they are potentially vectors for a deadly and frequently debilitating disease. They carried signs saying they didn't want "Fauci Ouchies," a particularly saccharine turn of phrase that makes them all sound like whiny four-year-olds. They sang along passionately with the Meatloaf song "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)," clearly not appreciating the irony — or maybe it is their actual goal? — that Meatloaf, who was not vaxxed, died last week after becoming seriously ill with COVID.

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Brother, Can You Spare 9 Bucks For Some Stock Trader’s Chipotle Steak Burrito?

The New York Times ran a story last weekend about one of the true victims of the COVID-19 pandemic — perfectly healthy, well-off Americans who have to pay slightly more for an already overpriced burrito. Grab a tissue as we share the Steinbeckian story of stock trader James Marsh.

On a chilly Tuesday afternoon this month, James Marsh stopped by a Chipotle near his suburban Chicago home to grab something to eat.

It had been a while since Mr. Marsh had been to Chipotle — he estimated he goes five times a year — and he stopped cold when he saw the prices.

“I had been getting my usual, a steak burrito, which had been maybe in the mid-$8 range,” said Mr. Marsh, who trades stock options at his home in Hinsdale, Ill. “Now it was more than $9.”

He walked out.

“I figured I’d find something at home,” he said.

BIDEN INFLATION: GOPers Mad Chipotle Not Screwing Workers And Passing The Savings Onto You The Consumer

This isn’t entirely President Joe Biden’s fault. Chipotle increased the prices of its menu items around the same time as it raised employee wages. Also, I have to question whether a guy who already paid “in the mid-$8 range” for a burrito would try to fend for himself in that room where he keeps the stove just because it now costs almost a dollar more. It’s not easy making your own Chipotle-style burrito.

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Wonkette’s Weekend Live Chat Predicted That The GOP Would Obstruct Biden’s Every Move

During his press conference last week, President Joe Biden claimed he "did not anticipate” that Republicans would make it their mission to keep him from doing anything. This probably was a surprise considering how quickly Republicans accepted his victory and welcomed him to the White House without even the slightest coup attempt.

I’m reminded of a scene from the 1992 “Star Trek: The Next Generation” episode, “I, Borg.” The Enterprise senior staff has an opportunity to go scorched earth against the Borg, but Dr. Crusher is concerned because there’s been “no formal declaration of war.” Counselor Troi reminds everyone who remembers past episodes that this is the fricking Borg we’re talking about and “they've attacked us at every encounter.”

So, as much as I adore Dr. Crusher, Biden needs to get real like my girl Deanna.

We will probably not discuss "Star Trek" directly during the live chat because Robyn will have no idea what I’m saying, but we will talk about we all should’ve expected Mitch McConnell to Mitch McConnell. See you at 12 pm PT/3 pm ET. Watch, like, subscribe and all that that implies.

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UPDATE: Justice Gorsuch Still Maskless, Still A Dick

Earlier this week, Nina Totenberg, the grande dame of Supreme Court reporters, came out with a hot scoop. Apparently, every justice but one had agreed to mask up for the comfort and safety of Justice Sonia Sotomayor, who is diabetic and at elevated risk due to the latest coronavirus surge. Only that asshole Neil Gorsuch refused, according to Totenberg's reporting.

Now, though, the situation had changed with the omicron surge, and according to court sources, Sotomayor did not feel safe in close proximity to people who were unmasked. Chief Justice John Roberts, understanding that, in some form asked the other justices to mask up.

They all did. Except Gorsuch, who, as it happens, sits next to Sotomayor on the bench. His continued refusal since then has also meant that Sotomayor has not attended the justices' weekly conference in person, joining instead by telephone.

Wow, pretty shocking that a guy who ruled that a company had a right to fire a trucker for refusing to freeze to death in an unheated truck doesn't believe in workplace safety, right?

But then the Court issued a rare public statement purporting to be from Justices Sotomayor and Gorsuch saying, "Reporting that Justice Sotomayor asked Justice Gorsuch to wear a mask surprised us. It is false. While we may sometimes disagree about the law, we are warm colleagues and friends."

As all of law Twitter immediately noted, this was not a denial of the story as written.

So much for textual originalism.

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Matt Walsh Pretty Sure Arranged Marriage Better Because Too Much Mustard In The Mustard Aisle, Boy Howdy Yep


Daily Wire columnist Matt Walsh is an extremely poor man's Tucker Carlson, a walking white male deficiency complex without the perks of Tucker's fame, money or delicate skincare regimen. Yep, he's pretty hot.

Some hot takes from Walsh:

He's extremely worried white people are being replaced.

He thinks mask-wearing is "disgraceful, arrogant, and offensive," because you are "treating air like it is toxic and other humans like they are nothing but vessels of disease." (He's right. When a MAGA-breather gets in our general airspace, we do try to get away from the fumes.)

He's offended by the idea of paternity leave because he doesn't think babies bond with their fathers until they're "much older." Shot in the dark here, but we're guessing some of what Matt Walsh says is a result of his own father. He likely thinks this is a good thing.

He wants to film teachers to make sure they're not filling kids' heads with actual facts that contradict whatever "Father Knows Best" garbage he's filling his kids' minds with.

He thinks birth control pills are "poison" because they keep women from fulfilling their true potential as superhero broodmares. He also thinks birth control pills make women stop loving masculine men like himself Frank Sinatra and John Wayne, and instead start loving "feminine" men like Zac Efron and Justin Bieber.

That's right. The guy pictured above placed himself on a masculinity pedestal above Zac Efron. Like we said, he's pretty hot.

And now, this here is a video about how Matt Walsh thinks arranged marriages are superior to the system we have, because there's just TOO MUCH MUSTARD IN THE MUSTARD AISLE and we guess he's just afraid nobody will pick mustard varieties like him to put them in their cart and take them home and squeeze them until they squirt.

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Federal Court Tosses Alabama's Preposterous Racial Gerrymander

Watergate does indeed bother us. And the guy who drew this map should be heartily bothered by his conscience.

Yesterday a three-judge panel in Alabama tossed the state's congressional map for violating the Voting Rights Act. And before you ask, it was two Trump appointees and a Republican nominated by Bill Clinton back in the days when blue slips were a thing and you had to get both the state's senators to agree to get a nominee out of the Judiciary Committee.

That's gotta sting!

So how racist do a state's maps have to be for three Gippers to say OH, HELL NO? Pretty fuckin' racist. In this case, Black residents make up 26 percent of the state's population, but somehow make up a majority of the voting age population in just one of the state's seven congressional districts. And that's not an accident. Republican legislators packed African American voters in District 7, which includes Birmingham and parts of the Black Belt, while cracking the rest of the state's minority population into majority-white districts.

This shit never would have flown if the Supreme Court hadn't invalidated the Voting Rights Act's pre-clearance requirement. Thanks Chief Justice John Roberts! But while the Supreme Court gave the GOP a green light to enact the most disgusting partisan gerrymanders, the portion of the VRA which bans racial gerrymanders is still hanging on, at least in theory.

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Conspiracy theories

Urine-Drinking 'Vaccine Cop' Weirdo Crosses Anti-Vaxx, Sovereign Citizen Streams

Try to imagine all 20 of his brain cells exploding at the speed of light.

A heavily armed antivaxxer named Christopher Key is traveling the highways and byways of America with the goal of performing "citizens' arrests" of Democratic governors, and thank heavens, the Daily Beast has been following his mission since at least late December. when Key proclaimed himself the leader of the "Vaccine Police," a group we suspect may have one actual member. Yr Wonkette discovered him in January when he first claimed to have "shut down pharmacies" and "shut down boards of education," and when his initial goal was simply to "arrest" (i.e., kidnap) Louisiana's Democratic Gov. John Bel Edwards. Then he made more news by insisting that the secret to beating COVID is drinking your own urine, which we always thought was Todd Starnes's gig.

Read More:

The 'Vaccine Police' Guy Trying To Citizen's Arrest Your Governor Is A Former Snake Oil Salesman

Move Over, Horse Paste. January's Hottest Miracle Cure Is Your Own Pee!

Oh, yes, he also recently explained that the COVID vaccines are "bioweapons," not actual vaccines, and that they all need to be "lined up, and they need to be exterminated," in a video in which he showed off a flamethrower.

It's not clear whether he actually took his little arsenal along on his mission to "arrest" Bel Edwards, which got sidetracked a little when Key was arrested in Birmingham, Alabama, on trespassing charges earlier this month.

In an update posted today, the Daily Beast's Zachary Petrizzo reports that Key is now insisting he doesn't need a driver's license, which is a useful clue that Key has crossed over into (or started out in) full Sovereign Citizen derangement, which would certainly fit with his earlier talk about "arresting" government officials and "serving" people with "packets of documents that supposedly show that the safe and effective COVID-19 vaccine is supposedly a 'bioweapon.'"

So of course he doesn't need a driver's license, as long as he deploys the right Word Magic.

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