New Kid Rock Song Is Actual Worst Piece Of Sh*t Ever Made, Click Here To Laugh At It

Good morning, humble patriotic people of the Lord! Put down your morning Bible devotionals and pay attention, because it's time to listen to Kid Rock's new song. Yes, we know we've never made you listen to a Kid Rock song before. The thing is, Kid Rock has created the worst song ever made, and we need you to laugh at it with us.

Don't believe us?

Well, did you think you could make an entire chorus that just says "We The People Let's Go Brandon" over and over again, like somebody who doesn't speak English but heard those words were good pleasure buttons for goosing the prostates of idiots who think the 2020 election was stolen? You didn't think that was even musically possible.

Let the virtuoso show the way!

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Matt Walsh Pretty Sure Arranged Marriage Better Because Too Much Mustard In The Mustard Aisle, Boy Howdy Yep

Daily Wire columnist Matt Walsh is an extremely poor man's Tucker Carlson, a walking white male deficiency complex without the perks of Tucker's fame, money or delicate skincare regimen. Yep, he's pretty hot.

Some hot takes from Walsh:

He's extremely worried white people are being replaced.

He thinks mask-wearing is "disgraceful, arrogant, and offensive," because you are "treating air like it is toxic and other humans like they are nothing but vessels of disease." (He's right. When a MAGA-breather gets in our general airspace, we do try to get away from the fumes.)

He's offended by the idea of paternity leave because he doesn't think babies bond with their fathers until they're "much older." Shot in the dark here, but we're guessing some of what Matt Walsh says is a result of his own father. He likely thinks this is a good thing.

He wants to film teachers to make sure they're not filling kids' heads with actual facts that contradict whatever "Father Knows Best" garbage he's filling his kids' minds with.

He thinks birth control pills are "poison" because they keep women from fulfilling their true potential as superhero broodmares. He also thinks birth control pills make women stop loving masculine men like himself Frank Sinatra and John Wayne, and instead start loving "feminine" men like Zac Efron and Justin Bieber.

That's right. The guy pictured above placed himself on a masculinity pedestal above Zac Efron. Like we said, he's pretty hot.

And now, this here is a video about how Matt Walsh thinks arranged marriages are superior to the system we have, because there's just TOO MUCH MUSTARD IN THE MUSTARD AISLE and we guess he's just afraid nobody will pick mustard varieties like him to put them in their cart and take them home and squeeze them until they squirt.

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Federal Court Tosses Alabama's Preposterous Racial Gerrymander

Yesterday a three-judge panel in Alabama tossed the state's congressional map for violating the Voting Rights Act. And before you ask, it was two Trump appointees and a Republican nominated by Bill Clinton back in the days when blue slips were a thing and you had to get both the state's senators to agree to get a nominee out of the Judiciary Committee.

That's gotta sting!

So how racist do a state's maps have to be for three Gippers to say OH, HELL NO? Pretty fuckin' racist. In this case, Black residents make up 26 percent of the state's population, but somehow make up a majority of the voting age population in just one of the state's seven congressional districts. And that's not an accident. Republican legislators packed African American voters in District 7, which includes Birmingham and parts of the Black Belt, while cracking the rest of the state's minority population into majority-white districts.

This shit never would have flown if the Supreme Court hadn't invalidated the Voting Rights Act's pre-clearance requirement. Thanks Chief Justice John Roberts! But while the Supreme Court gave the GOP a green light to enact the most disgusting partisan gerrymanders, the portion of the VRA which bans racial gerrymanders is still hanging on, at least in theory.

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Not Ready For Prime Time Laura Ingraham Begs For Bit Part On ‘SNL’

I only watched the Ariana Debose segments of this season’s "Saturday Night Live," but apparently Kate McKinnon made fun of professional terrible person Laura Ingraham last week, and the Fox News host was deeply offended. A sense of humor is just one of many positive traits Ingraham lacks.

Here’s the McKinnon sketch from the cold open of the Will Forte-hosted episode. It’s funny in places despite the appalling lack of Ariana Debose.

This was McKinnon's 800th “Saturday Night Live” sketch (suitable for framing) but Ingraham didn’t feel honored, judging by her wackadoodle response during Monday’s "Ingraham Angle.” Describing the impersonation as “cringey,” which was arguably the point, Ingraham proceeded to imitate McKinnon imitating her. It was like the mirror scene in Duck Soup.

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Matt Gaetz Having Good Day Again Probably

No reason.

We don't have a lot of time or desire to go back through all the details of the federal underage sex trafficking investigation into GOP Rep. Matt Gaetz. Just remember that his former wingman buddy Joel Greenberg is cooperating a lot, reportedly. And his ex-girlfriend was reportedly granted immunity for her grand jury testimony recently.

And now another one of the sexually irresistible men Gaetz runs around with has pleaded guilty and is cooperating with the feds. Oh, Matt Gaetz. Having a good day? Because we are having a good day, what with Justice Stephen Breyer announcing his retirement. Is Matt Gaetz having a good day?

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Justice Breyer Gives Democrats One Less Thing To Freak Out About

Thank u next.

It's about bloody time! Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer has informed President Joe Biden that he intends to retire when the current term ends in June, NBC was first to report this morning.

The 83-year-old justice was appointed by Bill Clinton in 1994, and is the longest serving member of the Court. He's faced major pressure to give up his seat, particularly in light of the Democrats' tenuous 50-50 hold on the Senate. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell held Justice Antonin Scalia's seat open for upwards of a year to deprive Barack Obama of an appointment, and you know damn well if he were Majority Leader again, he'd be delighted to have a 6-2 conservative majority for the rest of President Biden's term.

And while we're not going to say anything bad about Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, we will note that some people criticized her for not stepping down in 2013, when she was a sprightly 80 and Democrats controlled the White House and the Senate. Now her seat is filled by Justice Amy Coney Barrett, who is 49. And that is ... sub-ideal.

With enormous respect for Justice Breyer, who has been a liberal stalwart, THANK U NEXT.

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Nice Time

Intel, GM Investing Big Time In US Manufacturing, What Was That About Biden's Terrible Economy?

More chips! And maybe some salsa.

The Biden-Harris administration took a moment last week to tout a great big investment in US manufacturing by the Intel corporation, which plans to spend some $20 billion to build the world's largest semiconductor factory in New Albany, Ohio, a suburb of the state capital, Columbus. The White House statement said the deal reflects its commitment to reenergizing US manufacturing, particularly in solving the computer chip shortage that has hindered the recovery from the pandemic recession and contributed to inflation. (The statement points out that a full third of the annual increase in inflation last year was due to higher car prices, which were driven by the lack of microchips that go into everydamnthing in modern cars.)

The Ohio Intel plant will create 7,000 construction jobs, plus 3,000 permanent jobs at Intel. It also helps that Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine sweetened the deal by passing special tax cuts for "megaproject" job creators; the Columbus Dispatch says DeWine hasn't shared many specifics about other incentives that may have enticed Intel to Ohio.

President Joe Biden is also urging Congress to pass legislation to strengthen US research and development, in semiconductors and other parts of the supply chain, specifically, the "US Innovation and Competition Act," which passed in the Senate last June but is currently still being discussed in a House-Senate conference committee. It's expected to get a vote soonish.

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