WHAR BOXES? On A Bed On The Floor On A Towel By The Door ...

First things first, the BOXES HOAX WITCH HUNT indictment of an actual former president of the United States, if you can believe that, has been unsealed. It is here. It is FUCKIN' A.

Second, Special Counsel Jack Smith will be liveblogging his own indictment at 3 p.m., and we will all watch, together!


LIVE: DOJ's Jack Smith speaks after Trump classified records indictment is unsealed — 6/9/23www.youtube.com


Third, did I say it was FUCKIN' A?

Because FUCKIN' A.

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Trump Confessing To MORE Crimes? It's Your Indictmentpallooza Roundup!

This morning has been a week! After last night's excitement, when we learned that Trump had been indicted in Miami on seven counts of willfully retaining national defense secrets in violation of the Espionage Act, making false statements, and a conspiracy to obstruct justice, we awoke to news from CNN that LORDY, THERE WERE TAPES.

Well, to be fair, we already knew that Trump had been caught bragging to Mark Meadows's biographers about possessing a classified document. Apparently, Trump distrusts the media and had his aide Margo Martin record the conversation to ensure they didn't lie about what he said, which is how the tape wound up in the Special Counsel's possession when they seized her laptop. But CNN got a transcript of the perfect, perfect interview, and, wow, it's bad!

“As president, I could have declassified, but now I can’t," he said, audibly rustling a pile of papers on his desk. “Secret. This is secret information. Look, look at this. This was done by the military and given to me.”

Later he added: “All sorts of stuff – pages long, look. Wait a minute, let’s see here. I just found, isn’t that amazing? This totally wins my case, you know. Except it is like, highly confidential. Secret. This is secret information. Look, look at this.”

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'Shiny Happy People' Shows Who's Grooming Who

Content Note: Sexual assault, victim blaming

First came the purity rings.

All of a sudden, starting in the late '90s, it seemed like every (overtly sexualized) teen bubblegum pop star and Disney kid was sporting one, publicly advertising themselves as born-again Christian virgins who were saving themselves for marriage, as if that were anyone's business. After that, it was abstinence education and purity balls, and the many, many, deeply unsettling documentaries about the deeply unsettling father-daughter dances at which young girls dressed up like brides and promised their dads that they would keep their hymens intact until their wedding day.

Soon enough, purity culture started falling apart, as those pop stars and Disney kids who had first sparked the craze tossed out their silver rings ... or came out of the closet. The nail in the coffin seemed to come in 2015 when the news broke that Josh Duggar, of the infamously pure and holy Duggar family, stars of TLC's "19 Kids and Counting," had molested several underage girls, including his own sisters.

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God Strikes Down Pat Robertson For What He Said About Gays,  Hurricanes, 9/11, Haiti, Orphans ...

I didn't realize until I started writing this Wonkette Remembrance that Pat Robertson and I share the same unused first name that John Wayne also didn't use, although I knew about John Wayne of course. Born Marion Gordon Robertson in 1930, the one-time GOP presidential candidate, televangelist, and culture wars hatemonger died today at the age of 93. Maybe he went straight to Heaven, which is a depressing thought, or to hell for all the people he focused rightwing hate on. Or maybe his brain shut down and that was that, which strikes us as most likely, if narratively unsatisfying. So it goes.

As Moms Mabley said of her ex-husband, "I was always taught never to say anything about the dead unless it’s good. He’s dead. Good." (Nope, not Bette Davis speaking of Joan Crawford. Everything you think you know is a lie.)

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Recipe Hub

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Jet Pilot!

Two of these and you'll be flying high.

Greetings, Wonketteers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. We are in for a very, very exciting and gratifying summer. I thought I’d brace myself with one more high-test tiki cocktail from Tiki Underground to get ready. This one’s not for the faint of heart, but if you’re ready for something really rousing, let’s get flying with a Jet Pilot. Here’s the recipe:

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WonkTV

WHAR BOXES? On A Bed On The Floor On A Towel By The Door ...

Oh Trump, LOL, you're going to big boy jail.

First things first, the BOXES HOAX WITCH HUNT indictment of an actual former president of the United States, if you can believe that, has been unsealed. It is here. It is FUCKIN' A.

Second, Special Counsel Jack Smith will be liveblogging his own indictment at 3 p.m., and we will all watch, together!


LIVE: DOJ's Jack Smith speaks after Trump classified records indictment is unsealed — 6/9/23www.youtube.com


Third, did I say it was FUCKIN' A?

Because FUCKIN' A.

Keep reading...Show less
Mommyblogging

Time To Feed The Wonkette Baby

Who can't do it without you? Us!

Nineteen years ago, Gawker, RIP, founded Wonkette. Twelve years ago, to end a four-year funemployment (it wasn't actually fun), I bought Wonkette. Eight years ago, I hired Shy, a commenter, and sexually harassed him and he retaliated by putting a baby on me and then we got married and on Sunday she is eight and we are having a flower fairy party in the Detroit mansion where we live. Six years ago, Wonkette went ad-free and entirely reader-supported and almost every month since then I have reminded you HEY WE CANNOT DO THIS WITHOUT YOU. Before then and after then I hired Dok and Evan and Robyn and SER and part-time Liz and Michael and Gary and Martini and Hooper your bartender to bring you news and cocktails. Your comrades have started movie nights and cake stands. In the darkest days of the pandemic, you and we spread $100,000 around to Wonkers (and a few non-Wonkers to whom I couldn't say no) who needed it.

You may have noticed a lot of newspapers and news websites are going under, again, some more. Not us. Because of you we will never die.

Wonkette is where you go when bad things happen and you need to scream and weep and tear your hair out — so like, every day for those bad five years. And it is where you go when Trump gets indicted and Pat Robertson dies on the very same day, to celebrate just a little bit of the moral arc of the universe bending toward justice.

When the moral arc of the universe bends toward justice, be ready for some light terrorism. I am just being real.

In the meantime though! It is a day for joy and frolics and opening up your wallet in celebration! If you are already donating to keep Wonkette going forever, thank you loves! If you are one of the 650,000 readers (or 99.3 percent) who came through last month and didn't donate to Wonkette, and you are able, we un-humbly request GIVE US SOME MONEY. If you are too poor, your money is no good here, you put that away right now!

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Thank you for being our friend. Now you may enjoy Donna's fifth birthday, it was pretty fuckin great (scroll all the way down), for a treat.


Donna Rose on her first pandemic birthday, we had fun.www.wonkette.com


Looking for the comments? Click the headline. GOODBYE!

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