Bad news, y'all. Rush Limbaugh, the well-known Nobel-Prize-winning epidemiologist, has figured out what is going on with this whole coronavirus thing.
Actually, we should say good news, because knowing is half the battle, when you are fighting a pandemic. And if there's anything Donald Trump's coronavirus press conference on Wednesday taught us, it's that the Americans in charge of the response to coronavirus know stuff. For instance, Trump knows it's just not gonna be that bad, because there's only like one American who has it, his name's Dale, and as long as Dale stays home instead of coughing all over everybody at Cracker Barrel like he usually does, we're all good. Oh, and Mike Pence! He knows viruses, and that is why he is the new czar of finding out if coronavirus is gay, praying the gay out of the coronavirus, refusing to let it share clean needles, and other scientific responses to disease. And if there's anything else Pence needs to know about coronavirus, he will have a meeting with the CDC, as long as it's not a lady CDC, because he's not allowed to be alone with lady, as per Second Lady Mother's instructions.
Relax, everyone, they GOT THIS.
But anyway, Rush Limbaugh. He knows where the hysteria over so-called coronavirus is coming from. You see, there's a woman from the CDC, Nancy Messonnier, the director of the National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases. She really pissed Trump off when she said there will be "community spread" of coronavirus, and that "It's not so much a question of if this will happen anymore, but rather more a question of exactly when this will happen and how many people in this country will have severe illness." She said America needs to start preparing for that.
Where does THAT lady get off? Trump is trying to make the stock market great again by lying about coronavirus, HOW DARE SHE say real science!
You will understand HOW DARE SHE when you realize who Dr. Nancy Messonnier is. Tell us, Rush!