Hit Dogs Holler

Looks like somebody heard President Joe Biden talking about him during his inaugural address.

Oh goodness! Did Joe Biden call Rand Paul a white supremacist or a racist or a liar or an every name in the book? How rude, if true!

What's that old expression? "A hit dog will holler"? Or "If your white hood fits, Rand"?

Yes, the senator who just had some problems with banning LYNCHING thinks he heard Joe Biden call him a white supremacist, racist liar in his inaugural speech.

So did the wingnuts on Newsmax:

TOM BASILE (HOST): [I]t was very dark.

It was no "American carnage," but go off.

BASILE: It was actually, you know, not unifying. It was actually quite divisive. It's very difficult to drive a unifying message when you're going to simultaneously talk about an overblown sense of white supremacy and systemic racism. And you lead a party that is driving cancel culture in America. You know, oftentimes when he was talking about unity I kept on thinking to myself, so does this apply to conservatives as well? Does this apply to pro-life people? Does this apply to people who've been cancelled at their jobs, at their universities, in the media, in their own lives because they believe in traditional American values, in more conservative values?

Joe Biden did intolerant disunifying cancel culture to white supremacists and racists! Can't we just compromise and say SOME white supremacism and racism are OK?

It wasn't just Newsmax and Rand, of course. Fox News was full of it.

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Q Followers: 'Was It All A Psyop?' 'Is The Military President Now?' 'What Does It All Mean?'

Q is gone.

Well, technically Q has been gone since December 8, but given the fact that Joe Biden is president now, it would be awfully difficult to continue the ruse and resurface again. And those who have followed the conspiracy are now in flux. They're flooding their message boards and Telegram groups, begging for "hopium" — theories to help them believe that they haven't just wasted several years of their lives on a LARP, that it was all real all along and that "patriots are in control." They're trying to sort out "what it all means" for them going forward. They're crying out in anguish, trying to figure out how the "Satanic Pedophiles" won and why they were allowed to do so.

"Trump did nothing. The military did nothing the country was handed over to them and everyone watched."

Some are close to giving up. Some are saying they'll hold on forever. And some are feeling outright betrayed by Donald Trump, who they say encouraged them to believe in all of this nonsense.

They're not wrong about the latter. Trump had every opportunity to tell these people that this was all nonsense, but all he said was "I understand they like me very much, which I appreciate." He never discouraged them, because why would he discourage people from worshiping him? Even if they are a bunch of lunatics who think Tom freaking Hanks is running a cabal of Satanic pedophiles?

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What Old Trash Did Biden Throw Out Once He Moved Into The White House?

President Joe Biden (bear with us, we'll eventually stop typing that so excitedly) made pretty good use of his first half-day on the job yesterday, taking a whole bunch of garbage policies from the previous administration out to the curb. Biden signed a whole bunch of executive orders to either undo actions taken by the president before him, or to take action against the pandemic that the prior administration hadn't bothered with. So let's take a look at the 15 EOs (and two directives to agencies) that Biden signed yesterday. No, he did not sign one to give you a pony. That's next week, be patient.

Almost all the items on his to-do list for the first day addressed one or more of the four crises Biden said would be the focus of his presidency: The pandemic and the related economic fallout, climate change, and racial justice, including the previous administration's war on immigration, all of which got worse under Donald Trump (we had to name him eventually).

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Biden Team Slams Door On T---p Defense Holdovers, Will Clean This Sh*t Up Alone, Thanks.

Let's skip to the punchline first, shall we? President Biden just told Trump's (acting) Secretary of Defense Christopher Miller to GTFO. Invited him to hit the road, Jack. And also cautioned him not to let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya. To wit, he's not getting any office space during the transition, because Bye, Felicia!

"Given Mr. Miller's acting capacity in that role, as well as reduced staffing and occupation of the Pentagon and auxiliary offices during Covid-19, we deemed it appropriate not to extend that perk in this instance," a Biden transition official told CNN yesterday before the inauguration.

An outgoing Trump staffer bitched that, "Excuses aside, the American people see this break in a long tradition of accommodation, proper records management, continuity of government and good manners for what it is: the last petty act of this transition's intransigent party."

GET BENT.

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Right Wing Extremism

Ohio Militia Woman Only Stormed Capitol To Protect People, Honest!

The January 6 insurrection just keeps getting scarier the more we learn.

CNN is throwing another pity party for a member of the MAGA mob that stormed the Capitol on January 6. This one's in honor of Jessica Watkins from Woodstock, Ohio.

In her Ohio hometown, she's known as an Army veteran who runs a bar and set up a small self-styled militia her boyfriend says she created to help neighbors if tornadoes hit.

To the FBI, she's a militant leader who traveled to Washington, DC, and stormed the US Capitol, encouraging others to do the same.

When domestic terrorism's involved, it only matters how the FBI defines you. Watkins is now detained at the Montgomery County Jail in Dayton, Ohio. She's charged with conspiracy, conspiracy to impede an officer, destruction of government property, obstruction of an official proceeding, entering a restricted building or grounds without lawful authority, and violent entry or disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds.

FBI agents reportedly recovered in her home what "appears to be directions for making explosives, authored by 'the Jolly Roger.'" That's also the name of Watkins's bar, because she must've assumed no one would ever connected the dots.

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Crime

Mean Judge Won't Let Kyle Rittenhouse Play With Nazis Anymore

Or he will no longer be 'Free As F*ck.'

Right-wing Teen Dream Kyle Rittenhouse, who is charged with killing two people at a Black Lives Matter protest in Kenosha, Wisconsin, in August, was released from jail in November after the MyPillow guy and the kid from "Silver Spoons" posted a $2 million bond for him. Since then, he and his mom have been grifting all over the place, taking advantage of his newfound fame to make friends and raise money for his defense.

Earlier this month, Rittenhouse was spotted at Pudgie's Bar in Kenosha, Wisconsin, drinking with his mom and a bunch of Proud Boys, who reportedly serenaded him with their official theme song — "Proud Of Your Boy" from the Broadway production of Aladdin.

He was also seen taking pictures with said Proud Boys, while flashing the "OK" sign that white supremacists have adopted as a symbol of "white power."

None of this, at the time, violated his bond agreement. Minors are allowed to drink in bars in Wisconsin so long as they are in the company of a parent, which Rittenhouse was.

However, upon seeing the cringe-inducing images of Rittenhouse whooping it up with the Proud Boys at a bar, while wearing a shirt that said Free As Fuck, prosecutors proposed that several changes be made to his bond agreement, according to WTMJ News.

- The defendant shall be prohibited from possessing or consuming alcohol.
- The defendant shall not be present in any establishment where alcohol is served.
- The defendant shall be prohibited from making any public display of any "white power" or "white supremacy" signs, symbols, or hand gestures.
- The defendant shall have no contact with any known militia members or known members of any violent white power/white supremacist groups or organizations, including but not limited to the group identified as the "Proud Boys."

The reasoning for this was not just to ruin Kyle Rittenhouse's good time. The prosecution's concern was that being seen publicly hanging out with Proud Boys, militia groups and white supremacists was a thing that could potentially intimidate jurors. They're not wrong, those people are fucking scary.

On Friday, a judge decided they had a point and barred Rittenhouse from drinking, hanging out with bigots, having weapons or contacting certain people. From the now-modified bond agreement:

The defendant shall neither possess nor consume alcoholic beverages. The defendant shall not knowingly have contact with any person or group of persons known to harm, threaten, harass or menace others on the basis of their race, beliefs on the subject of religion, color, national origin, or gender. No Weapons – especially firearms. No contact including the residence, electronic or 3rd party with: Richard M, Gaige G, Dominic B, Charles R, Karen B, John H.

These people are likely Daily Caller Reporter Richard McGinnis; Gaige Grosskreutz, the man Rittenhouse shot but didn't kill; Dominick Black, the man charged with providing Rittenhouse with the guns he used to kill people; and Karen Bloom and John Huber, parents of Anthony Huber, one of Rittenhouse's victims.

Rittenhouse's attorney, Mark Richards, told prosecutors his client does not object to the new terms and is not a white supremacist. He just really likes throwing white power hand signs, we guess. For funsies!

Rittenhouse will return to court on March 10 for his final court appearance before his trial begins.

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Elections

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Will Be Governor Of Saving Arkansas From Scary CNN Reporters

The Huck Dynasty continues!

Here's some good news for Senator Tom Cotton: Soon, he'll no longer be the worst elected official from Arkansas, because Sarah Huckabee Sanders is running for governor, y'all. The former White House press secretary declared her inevitable candidacy Monday in a hate-filled, culture-war-stoking video. It kicks off with a fairy tale about soldiers in Iraq fawning over Donald Trump during his 2018 Christmas trip to Iraq (before they learned he thought they were all “suckers"). One soldier even thanked Sanders for her service against the true enemy, the American media.

"That soldier came over to me and said, 'Thank you, Sarah, I love the way you handle yourself. You have a tough job.' I politely corrected him and told him, 'Thanks, but I take questions. You take bombs and bullets. That's a tough job.'"

Awww.

Here in reality, Sanders held press conferences every once in a while, lied through most of them, and insulted reporters like they'd shown up at her house during dinner and tried to sell her religion. She bailed on Trump in 2019, before his two impeachments and his one failed coup. Her timing is good, even if everything else about her is awful.

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