Fox News Idiot Wishes Biden Didn't Constantly Ride Bike Like Old Sad Frail Dead Bike Riding Person

Hey, does everybody remember Donald Trump's theory of exercise? Namely, that you shouldn't do it, because it will deplete your body of all its energy and resources and kill you?

We always have to wonder just how brainwashed his sycophantic followers really are these days, how far they're really willing to follow him, which cliffs they're willing to hurl their bodies off of to prove their allegiance. But we do know that one of the many, many Fox News idiots, Rachel Campos-Duffy, was reporting on President Joe and First Lady Dr. Jill Biden taking a bike ride in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, this weekend, and decided to lob some zingers in the president's direction. You know, because he was exercising. Like an old person. Exercising. What a senior citizen. On a bike. Like an old dead person.

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Jake Tapper Very Through With Idiot Mississippi GOP Gov. Tate Reeves

Mississippi is a hot mess. (More than usual, that is.)

Mississippi, with its highest poverty rate in the nation, highest infant mortality rate, and its 39th place in education, has added a new "badge of honor": the highest death toll per capita from COVID-19 in the entire United States. With that in mind, CNN host Jake Tapper invited Mississippi GOP Governor Tate Reeves to appear on "State Of The Union" this weekend.

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Put That Horse Paste Away! Pfizer Vaccine Almost Ready For Kids Under 12

Here's some good news for everyone who's sane and rational about the COVID-19 vaccine: Pfizer announced Monday that its vaccine works for children aged five to 11 and will seek emergency use authorization for the age group soon.

Many parents of children under 12 (myself included) are anxious for their kids to get vaccinated. The Delta variant is highly contagious and there has been an alarming rise in pediatric infections and hospitalizations. More than 240,000 pediatric COVID-19 cases were reported in the United States just between September 2 and 9.

Dr. Bill Gruber, a senior vice president at Pfizer, told the Associated Press that Pfizer tested a much lower dose of its vaccine for elementary school-aged kids — a third of the amount in each shot currently. However, after the second dose, children aged five to 11 had developed coronavirus-fighting antibody levels of equal strength to anyone over 12.

The dosage for children is also perfectly safe — no magnetic side effects, just the same sore arms, fever, or achiness that many teens and adults experience, all of which are temporary and preferable to serious illness and death, which is usually permanent.

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Mike Pence Thinks He’s Serious Contender For Leader Of People Who Yell ‘Hang Mike Pence’

Mike Pence wants to be president. No one thinks this is a remote possibility other than Mike Pence and whoever sells him invisible clothing. CNN reports that the former vice president has a brand new office in Washington DC, and is staffing up in preparation for a 2024 run ... for the presidency, which is a job he believes is somehow attainable for him.

There were two full weeks after Donald Trump sicced a violent mob on the Capitol when we'd have been fine with Pence as president instead of his unhinged boss. It would've saved Joint Chiefs Chairman General Mark Milley a lot of coup-related grief. However, Pence refused to invoke the 25th Amendment to remove Trump, and he apparently struggled less with that decision than he did over whether to help Trump overturn the presidential election.

Pence let down MAGA and people who prefer to avoid a possible nuclear holocaust. That doesn't leave nearly enough voters for a winning coalition. Most Republican voters these days aren't interested in superficially moral, more-pious-than-thou candidates. They just want assholes who'll fight the culture war viciously and relentlessly. The GOP's future is clearly politicians such as Matt Gaetz or Marjorie Taylor Greene. Pence can't fake the funk as a Twitter troll.

But Pence remains undaunted. He's not clearing the field for Trump like Nikki Haley, nor is he pretending to wait until Trump officially declares his intentions.

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Conspiracy theories

MyPillow Guy Got A Thanksgiving Surprise For America, And It Is ... NO, GUESS!

PillowTalk.

You didn't think Mike Lindell was going to just stop, did you? Kids, that's not going to happen until or unless someone in the man's family decides to pack the MyPillow Guy's MyPillow in the MyCar and take him to the MyHospital, at which point his MyDoctor might maybe examine his MyBrain to decide whether it is safe for him to go back to his MyHouse without adult supervision. And to be honest, even then he'll probably keep babbling forever about how Donald Trump is going to for sure become his MyPresident again.

Just not in August. That bird has flown, directly into a plate glass window.

But it's cool. Lindell was in Alabama this week, making MyPillowForts with the esteemed Alabama secretary of state, and now today, he told his old friend Steve Bannon, who is of sound mind and body just like Lindell is, that the Supreme Court is FOR SURE going to take his case very seriously BEFORE THANKSGIVING.

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Immigrants

Border Patrol / Slave Patrol, Tomato / Other Tomato

Abolish DHS.

A U.S. law enforcement officer on horseback wielded what appeared to be a lariat, whipping it close to the face of a man wading in the Rio Grande carrying a plastic bag of food.

That is not a description of slave patrols from the 1800s. It was the lede of a story by Reuters on Sunday. And a reminder that, actually, all administrations treat poor immigrants worse than they would treat animals. (Except maybe Trump, who I can only assume murders puppies for fun in his free time.)

At least one officer of the federal government cosplaying a slave catcher used a whip against the migrants. One officer on horseback yelled, "This is why your country's shit, because you use your women for this." The people that Customs and Border Protection officers were attacking were returning to the US with supplies for a group of thousands of people who have been living under a bridge in Del Rio, Texas. People living there say they are just trying not to starve to death.

Much like Susan Collins, the White House has expressed its concern.

The White House on Monday criticized the use of horse reins to threaten Haitian migrants after images circulated of a U.S. border guard on horseback charging at migrants near a riverside camp in Texas.

Border Patrol, on the other hand, is doubling down.

U.S. Border Patrol Chief Raul Ortiz said the incident was being investigated to make sure there was not an "unacceptable" response by law enforcement. He said officers were operating in a difficult environment, trying to ensure the safety of the migrants while searching for potential smugglers.

And, despite photographic and video evidence to the contrary, Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas said at a news conference that the officers were whipping Hatians to "ensure control of the horse." That seems ... unlikely!

Let's back up

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Trump

More Indictments Maybe Coming In Manhattan DA's Trump Probe? Don't Threaten Us With A Good Time!

Tantalizing teasers.

You might be wondering what's going on with all the investigations up there in New York into the Trump family and its associated businesses and hopes and dreams and wishes and prayers. Well maybe you can stop wondering about that, because you know where you are right now? We'll tell you where you are, you know where you are? We'll tell you, you know where? You're in a blog post that has some updates on that.

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