Trump Begs Clarence Thomas To Restore Transparency To Review Of, Um, Secret Docs He Stole From Government

There's so much going on, it's easy to forget the most recent illegitimate president of the United States stole Top Secret classified government documents and hid them in his tacky Palm Beach McMansion. We still don't know the motive or if he planned to sell the documents to America's enemies or use them for Secret Santa with his dictator friends or if he was planning to try to use them to blackmail the government, in case the government tried to prosecute him for other crimes. (That's Michael Cohen's theory, in case you hadn't heard.)

The saga continues, with the documents and the Special Master Trump begged for, which is ultimately biting him in the dick, and with the moron Trump-appointed Judge Aileen Cannon, who apparently thinks she's one of Trump's personal lawyers.

Trump is now begging Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas to intervene and give the Special Master back about 100 documents with classification markings seized at Mar-a-Lago, documents that had been removed from his purview. That way it would be easier for Trump to keep objecting to the search, and to argue it was fine for Trump to have the documents, because attorney-client privilege, or executive privilege, or another privilege Trump just made up, or because he squeezed his sphincter really hard and magically declassified them before he left office.

Up to now, those 100 documents have not been part of the review, because of how they are obviously the government's property and not Trump's; the actual president's (Joe Biden's) executive privilege outweighs Trump's imaginary executive privilege; the Justice Department is part of the executive branch anyway; and oh my God how do we even have to type this?

Originally Aileen Cannon — idiot — said these documents couldn't be used in the criminal investigation while Special Master Raymond Dearie was doing his thingie. The 11th Circuit replied and said Aileen Cannon is an idiot.

Clarence Thomas is the judge over the 11th Circuit, so ...


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Very Moral Pundit Matt Walsh Pretty Sure Teen Girls Just Made For Banging

In one of the best episodes of "The X-Files," Fox Mulder argues that the mysterious "men in black" deliberately "behave strangely so that if anyone tries to describe an encounter with them, they come off sounding like a lunatic." The over-the-top antics were a successful strategy for obfuscating their sinister agenda.

I wonder if the same isn't true of many obvious rightwing trolls. It's easy to dismiss someone like Matt Walsh who rants about mermaid race science. He's so extreme, liberals will insist he's just an attention-grabbing "shock jock," a wannabe Howard Stern. But what if he actually means everything he says? He's not repulsive for ratings or a big payday. He's just genuinely repulsive, and unfortunately, there's an audience for his garbage.


Wingnut Matt Walsh: That Onion Story About The Five-Bladed Razor But It's Gay Dads And Sex Robots

Republicans, Media Just Want To Know What Kind Of Sissy Takes Paternity Leave Anyway

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Ron DeSantis And The Case Of The Sexy White Hurricane Go-Go Boots

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis isn't about to let a devastating hurricane interrupt his re-election campaign. Sunday afternoon, he showed up for a photo-op in Arcadia, which reportedly forced rescue workers to delay rescue operations. Christina Pushaw, the governor's chief propagandist, said this was all "disinformation." One thing everyone can agree on, though, is that DeSantis wore these goofy white boots to a disaster area. Haven't people suffered enough?

What a dork.

It's expected that politicians would wear galoshes when touring storm wreckage, but DeSantis and his wife Casey went full Cajun in what looks like shrimp boots. They were twinsies! The white boots have been compared to Nancy Sinatra or the Green M&M character. They don't seem functional for either hurricane relief work or even a photo op because of how stupid they look.

PREVIOUSLY: Let's Check In On Ron DeSantis's Heroic Hurricane Ian Response

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Secretary Mayor Pete Not Sure What Marjorie Taylor Greene Babbling About, Is It Truck Dicks?

We believe it's 1 Thessalonians 2:6 that says "Nice truck, dude. Sorry about your dick." (KJV)

For some reason we thought about that Bible verse when we saw this interview Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg did with weirdo Neil Cavuto on Fox News. (Buttigieg is the only one allowed to go on Fox News, and this interview is another example of why.)

Cavuto asked Buttigieg about the important news of the day, which apparently in Fox News bonkers upside down land was that GOP Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene said at a Trump Hitler rally this weekend that Buttigieg is trying to "emasculate the way we drive."


Uh, well, that is unclear. Apparently in Greene's Bible, it says that gas-powered vehicles have a great big penis and electric vehicles have a vagina and Greene perhaps thinks it's gay to drive the electric ones? We dunno. Her full quote was so weird, apparently, all about “the roar of a V8 engine under the hood of a Ford Mustang or Chevy Camaro and incredible feel of all that horsepower." Hey, Rep. Greene, can you stop doing grooming behavior to Mustangs and Camaros in front of our kids, please?

None of this makes any sense because nothing Marjorie Taylor Greene says makes any sense.

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climate change

Florida Republicans: Climate Change Isn't Real, Please Send Money

U can't charge an EV during a hurricane, libs!

President Joe Biden visited Ft. Myers, Florida, yesterday to get a look at damage from Hurricane Ian and to say presidential things about coming together to rebuild, reassuring Floridians the federal government would do its part to help. In his remarks, Biden said, "We’re not leaving. We’re not leaving until this gets done. I promise you that," just as he'd given similar assurances to Puerto Rico following Hurricane Fiona. And according to all reports, the federal emergency response to both disasters is going well, as it should.

Asked about Gov. Ron DeSantis's response to the hurricane, Biden said “I think he’s done a good job,” and DeSantis, earlier in the day, praised the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) for its help, saying, "We are cutting through bureaucracy, we are cutting through red tape," to get help where it's needed. He said Florida was "very fortunate to have good coordination with White House and with FEMA from the very beginning of this."

Biden also addressed the main reason hurricanes have been getting more powerful and causing greater flooding in recent years, pointing out that the effects of climate change are being felt nationwide:

More fires have burned in the west and the south-west, burned everything right to the ground, than in the entire state of New Jersey, as much room as that takes up. [...] The reservoirs out west here are down to almost zero. We’re in a situation where the Colorado River looks more like a stream.

There’s a lot going on, and I think the one thing this has finally ended is a discussion about whether or not there’s climate change, and we should do something about it.

The Guardian notes that while Biden said that, "DeSantis, standing behind the president’s left shoulder, shifted his feet slightly and blinked but remained expressionless."

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Wonkette, The World's Last Website!

I'm sick. Please send tea and money.

HELLO I am working from bed and probably strep throat, and neither rain (it's a stunningly beautiful day out actually) nor snow nor the rest of it will stop me from reminding you that YOU are what keeps Wonkette going, and why will nothing stop me? Because I skipped last month. (August was great. I hate doing a moneybeg after a great month, like "oh help us help us" when WE ARE FINE. I would be a very bad pastor.) Luckily, I can't skip two months in a row or what would happen? WE WOULD DIE!

So there you have it. We would die.

If you are one of the 923,000 readers who joined us in September (out of 927,000) and didn't send us any money, and if you are able, sending us money sure would be swell, and please click the widget and remember to click monthly if you can and then choose "paypal" or "stripe" or your payment will not go through! Or you can join us at Patreon, if you like wee gifties. Or you can send a check in the mail to WONKETTE, PO Box 38273, Detroit MI 48238.

And why are you keeping Wonkette going? Because we are the world's last website. And we got no ads, and we got no paywall, because information wants to be freeeeeee and also Daily Caller and Breitbart and that Dan Bongino guy on Faceborg are all free, and who's going to counter that kind of disinfo? ONLY US, THE WORLD'S LAST WEBSITE.

That's right, we are doing God's work, and you are paying us to do God's work. I would be a good pastor after all. The end.

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Velma From Scooby-Doo A LESBIAN?????!!!???!!!????

Sorry, Shaggy, it wasn't you.

So, Velma from "Scooby-Doo" is gay. That's neither major news nor a big surprise to anyone who spent their childhood afternoons watching the classic cartoon, but rightwingers have predictably freaked out. Is nothing sacred, not even the madcap adventures of a talking dog and his stoner friend?

The Washington Examiner declared, "Scooby-Doo's Velma is now a lesbian." ("Lesbian" might as well have appeared in that creepy horror movie font from the "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!" intro.)

Jinkies, Velma from Scooby-Doo is officially a lesbian.

A clip from a new movie titled Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo! appears to show Velma fawning over a costume designer named Coco Diablo.

You hear that? It's official. The Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo film probably includes Velma's lesbian christening ceremony.

Predictably, the Examiner doesn't consider the possibility that Velma's bisexual. Her lack of interest in Shaggy and Fred is hardly conclusive. Past live-action adaptations tried to overtly state Velma’s sexuality, and they might’ve gotten away with it if not for those meddling studio executives.

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