Oh No, Devil Sent Dr. Fauci To Do Dreadful Things To Jesus's 'Seed'!

Wonkette doesn't spend enough time checking on "Coach" Dave Daubenmire, that anti-abortion anti-gay anti-everything nutbag. (We put quotes around "coach" for a reason.) This clownass thinks he's so tough, he even went to the Capitol riots. Dunno if he managed to waddle inside, though, he's kinda old. Who gets picked last for doing coups? "Coach" Dave, probably.

"Coach" Dave is so masculine he melted into a piss-puddle of shrieking 1980s-era middle school anti-gay slurs when Pete Buttigieg was nice to a nine-year-old gay kid at a rally, calling him Pete "Buttfudge." Dave was so triggered, he wanted Pete ARRESTED.

"Coach" Dave was pretty sure Hurricane Harvey was God's punishment against Houston for abortion and lesbian witch mayors, even though when Harvey struck, the mayor of Houston was a non-lesbian Black man. Dave's god is one Forgetful Fred, apparently. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck," said Dave's absent-minded god, suddenly remembering he had been meaning to zap Houston with a hurricane any time in the preceding six years, when Annise Parker was actually mayor. "Oh well better late than never," said Dave's VERY TARDY lord.

Wanna hear him lovingly encourage Rachel Maddow to find a man to fuck? That exists.

Point is, he is just MISTER MAD and MISTER HATE and, you know, not very bright.

And now Dave will tell us about Dr. Anthony Fauci's true identity as DEVIL'S EMISSARY. (You should really watch the video, he is queening out so hard, it's funny.)

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Why Did Mean Joe Biden Make Red State Republicans Refuse The COVID-19 Vaccine?

Who's responsible for COVID-19 vaccine rates stalling in the US like a rusty Ford pickup? If you're a Republican and constitutionally incapable of shame and human decency, the answer is obviously President Joe Biden.

Monday, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell blamed Biden for the mess we're in, and because he wasn't reduced to a smoldering pile of ash on the Senate floor, he also proved conclusively that there's no God.

The sack of manure in a urine-colored suit said:

After the Biden administration was very eager to claim ownership and spike the football on the vaccination trajectory largely inherited from Republican leadership, we've now seen vaccination rates in many places plateau on what this White House has been insisting is their watch.
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The Temptation, Corruption, And Inevitable Humiliation Of George P. Bush

It was always going to turn out like this. There was no way on God's green earth that Donald Trump was going to endorse Jeb Bush's dipshit kid for Texas attorney general — and certainly not after the sitting AG Ken Paxton filed that idiotic lawsuit seeking to overturn the election. Maybe if Paxton was actually hauled off in handcuffs and thrown in the hoosegow, Land Commissioner George P. Bush would have gotten the nod from Dear Leader. But barring that ... no chance in hell.

And yet that shameless fool spent months debasing himself before Trump in the vain hope that the man who never passed up an opportunity to abuse the Bush clan would somehow, somehow decide to bestow his blessing on the family scion.

Just look at this craven asshole two weeks ago, tweeting out racist dogwhistles about coming "together as a party to restore America First Priorities." And as of this writing, it's still his pinned tweet.

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LIVE: Real Capitol Terrorist Attack Investigation Begins, No Jim Jordans Allowed

It begins! Finally! A real congressional investigation into what happened on January 6, when Donald Trump incited his followers to commit an act of terrorism against the US Capitol in an attempt to steal an election he lost. We're sure House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy would like us to talk a lot about the CONTROVERSY that's led up to this day, and about how SOME SAY it won't even be a fair investigation, because there aren't an adequate number of people on the select committee who are on the terrorists' side. Not doing that.

The Democrats on the committee and the two Republicans Speaker Nancy Pelosi managed to find who don't believe in sedition — Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger — will begin shortly. Cheney will give an opening statement, as will Democratic Rep. Bennie Thompson. Then we'll hear from four of the cops who protected members of Congress that day, including Michael Fanone, with whom Wonkette readers have gotten pretty familiar.

Politico Playbook has an excerpt, which itself includes an excerpt of Democratic Rep. Bennie Thompson's op-ed in the Washington Post:

Uniformed police officers who put their lives on the line to defend Congress on Jan. 6 will testify about the horrors they endured that day. Rep. BENNIE THOMPSON (D-Miss.), the chair of the panel, previews their stories in a WaPo op-ed: "[Metropolitan Police officer MICHAEL] FANONE voluntarily rushed to the Capitol … [then] suffered a traumatic brain injury and a heart attack … [MPD officer DANIEL] HODGES can be seen being crushed by the mob as he and his fellow officers sought to defend a narrow hallway leading to a Capitol entrance … [U.S. Capitol Police officer HARRY] DUNN was one of the first officers to speak publicly about … the racial epithets he and others faced. [USCP officer AQUILINO] GONELL, a veteran who had been deployed to Iraq … was beaten with a pole carrying an American flag."

— Their testimony alone is a public relations disaster for Republicans. The GOP likes to boast that they "back the blue" and are the party of "law and order." But in snuffing out the possibility of a nonpartisan commission to probe the Jan. 6 attacks, McCarthy effectively brushed aside pleas from law enforcement to authorize the investigation. Now, after pulling out from the select committee, Republicans (save for Cheney and Kinzinger) will be absent as the officers speak.

Should be a fascinating and revelatory day. And Wonkette will be liveblogging it, as we will be doing for subsequent hearings.

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Nancy Pelosi Not NOT Saying Kevin McCarthy Is A Moron

And that's all she's going to say about that.

Uh oh, Nancy Pelosi used the "M" word about Kevin McCarthy. No, not "manwhore." Not "McLoser." Not "meaningless meddlesome marginal musty mendacious malcontent."

She called him a "moron." Because he is one.

Wonkette noted this in another post, but we feel like re-emphasizing it, for clicks. McCarthy tweeted last night, regarding possible new mask mandates and CDC guidance, that such decisions wouldn't be "based on science, but a decision conjured up by liberal government officials who want to continue to live in a perpetual pandemic state." You know, because of how liberals just love having to wear masks and have wonderful social events canceled because bumfuck rednecks refuse to do their goddamn civic duty and get their shots (or, if they're not gonna get their goddamn shots, WEAR A FUCKING MASK AT FUCKING LEAST). In response this morning, Pelosi said McCarthy is "such a moron." Or at least people were pretty sure that was what she said.

Point out the lie. We'll wait.

At her weekly presser, a reporter asked Pelosi to clarify: "Is Kevin McCarthy a moron and if so, why?"

And she responded:

"I calls 'em as I sees 'em, BYE BITCHES!"

OK we are just fooling, that was not her response.

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Trump Throws Tantrum Over Infrastructure Deal, MAGA Senators Yawn

Cry harder.

NO FAIR! Trump had like 84 infrastructure weeks during the four years he was president and managed to build nothing but a few miles of crappy border wall — and he had to steal military money to do even that. Biden has been president for six months, and now Republicans are going to help him fix our nation's roads and bridges? This aggression will not stand, man!

Politico is out with the afternoon tea, and it is hot with salty Trump tears over the Republicans handing Biden a win if they actually manage to get this infrastructure bill through Congress. Even worse, the old fart is doing his damnedest to torpedo the compromise package, and is mostly being ignored by his own MAGA senators who are inexplicably prioritizing the needs of Americans over an aging toddler's golf course shit-fit.

According to reporter Meredith McGraw, Trump's people are trying to spin this as a principled stand against evil environmental regulations and borrowing too much money when inflation remains a danger, although they "concede that they remain upset that a big bill wasn't passed while he was in the Oval."

Good that they didn't kick up too much of a fuss pretending this was anything but a selfish gambit, considering Trump has all but admitted he's just trying to stab the Biden administration in the back.

"Who are these RINO Republicans that are so dedicated to giving the Radical Left Democrats a big and beautiful win on Infrastructure?" he whined on his knock-off MyFace blogger page Monday. "Republican voters will never forget their name, nor will the people of our Country!"

Note that the health of our country's infrastructure is not mentioned.

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GOP Vaccine Resisters Real Put Out Over Wearing Masks Again, Which They Never Did In First Place

Another win from the so-called party of responsibility.

The House of Representatives is once again requiring its members, regardless of vaccination status, to wear masks inside the Capitol. This applies to even the sedition caucus members, who can ignore the Constitution but not Capitol physician Dr. Brian P. Monahan's guidance.

The reimposed mask mandate reflects the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's revised masking recommendations as the COVID-19 delta variant spreads at an alarming rate. Rightwing blowback was immediate and not limited to Fox News hosts. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, who's uninterested in actual leadership, tweeted:

Make no mistake — The threat of bringing masks back is not a decision based on science, but a decision conjured up by liberal government officials who want to continue to live in a perpetual pandemic state.

When asked about McCarthy's remarks, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said simply, “He's such a moron." She's right, and everyone knows it. Although, we assume in the privacy of his own home, McCarthy is called “Mr. Moron."

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