Supreme Court To Trump: You Are So Screwed, Eventually!

Finally, it's here! At long last, the Supreme Court has issued a ruling in the Trump tax cases. Chief Justice John Roberts, Kegstand, and Gorsuch joined the four liberal justices in two 7-2 decisions. Hooray! We must have won, right?

Well ... that depends.

If your definition of a "win" is preserving a legal system where the president is not above the law, then yes, we won. If you were hoping that before the election we'd get to see whatever it is that Trump has been fighting so hard to keep hidden, not so much. On the plus side, Trump's chances of retaining the White House look worse by the day, and the court just enshrined protections for a future President Biden (God willing!) against harassment by a future Republican Congress (God forbid!). And that's a really fucking good thing!

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Trump Can't Always Get What He Wants, Not Even From Gorsuch And Kegstand :(

The Supreme Court just dropped its season finale rulings in the cases we had been most anticipating, on Donald Trump's taxes and financials, and we are going to call them WINS. Why? Well for one thing, because they are. Also, Trump seems to know he lost, because he sure is rage-screaming!

We screengrabbed this one because GOT CAIGHT is our new favorite presidential typo:

The full, reposted thread is here. There were also these:

You hate to see it.

However, don't pop the champagne just yet, because we probably won't be reading Trump's taxes and financials on the internet anytime soon, at least not before the election.

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Tucker Carlson Has 14 Words For Tammy Duckworth

Tucker Carlson devoted chunks of his Fox News Paranoia Hour Monday and Tuesday night to accusing Sen. Tammy Duckworth (D-Illinois) of all sorts of terrible things: hating America, wanting to tear down all statues of George Washington, and of course wanting to impose socialist totalitarianism, after which she'll no doubt take away your MyPillows, too. It's the usual bullshit from Carlson and Fox, but before we get into it, we really need to lay out a tasty truth sandwich for you, to make clear just how unhinged and substance-free Tucker's Two Nights Hate really was. Like, even less substantial than usual.

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When Trump And Fox News Love Each Other Very Much, Sometimes They Lie Down Together And ...

Yesterday was weird. (Evergreen statement!)

Donald Trump HEREBY ANNOUNCED early in the morning on Twitter that he was very mad at the CDC's recommendations for how schools across America should handle the question of reopening. This came after a Tuesday event when he was very insistent that the kids must go back to school NOW RIGHT NOW, and if a few kindergarten teachers keel over dead, well, they probably forgot to take their hydroxychloroquine that morning.

And then in the afternoon, unbelievably but not unbelievably, the CDC announced through Mike Pence — sure, why not! — that it would be changing its school reopening recs, to lighten them up and make sure the schools don't do anything CRAZY like stay closed, which could hurt Trump's chances at re-election. We guess the only thing worse than a kid dying of coronavirus is a kid who dies of coronavirus in a world where Donald Trump is not president.

It got us to wonderin', as we are wont to do, what might have happened in the 24 hours leading up to Pence's announcement and the CDC's abrupt change. Did the president read a new scholarly article that strongly suggested the CDC was overreacting? Yes, that's what happened, the president read something.

Or maybe he just watched a shitload of Fox News, like he always does.

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Sleeping Giants Not Very Woke

Why are men?

Since 2016, the Sleeping Giants social media activist organization has gone after the advertisers sponsoring websites and television shows that encourage hate or are hosted by serial sexual harassers. They create campaigns asking social media users to write to advertisers telling them that they won't buy their products if they advertise on these shows or websites, and those campaigns have been extremely effective. They led to Bill "Falafel Thing" O'Reilly getting kicked off the air, finally, and to Breitbart losing 90 percent of its advertisers.

Alas, it turns out that the organization had some problems of its own. Nandini Jammi, the marketing expert who cofounded Sleeping Giants with copywriter Matt Rivitz and ran the Facebook side of the operation while he ran the Twitter account, is leaving, saying — and providing a whole lot of evidence for the fact — that Rivitz gaslighted her, sidelined her, and took credit for her work. Oh boy, is that ever ... not particularly surprising.

In a post on Medium on Thursday, Jammi detailed her experience working at Sleeping Giants, how she and Rivitz came together to collaborate on the project, and his eventual insistence that he be the face of the organization, even suggesting in interviews that she was merely a "helper."

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2020 presidential election

Trump Still Bragging About Superior Skill In Identifying 'Camel'

Couldn't he just pay someone to take his cognitive test for him?

Donald Trump literally phoned it in again to Sean Hannity's show on Fox News last night, and boasted that he'd recently taken a cognitive test that not only proved that he's a stable genius, but that the doctors who gave the test were astounded by how well he did, since most people can't possibly do as well as Trump did. If this sounds a tad familiar, that would be because it's almost exactly what he said over two years ago when he bragged about "acing" a test that should be passed by anyone who isn't actively experiencing cognitive decline. It's like bragging that you aced a coronavirus screening, and that the lab techs couldn't believe what an impressive nasal swab you had.

Here's Trump, insisting that Joe Biden probably couldn't pass such a test, because Joe Biden just isn't all there mentally if you know what Trump means (never mind that half the time, it's an utter mystery what Trump means):

We'll confess we didn't watch the full interview, so if Hannity struggled to keep from giggling, we'd have missed it.

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2020 presidential election

RNC Offers Convention Delegates A Side Of Heatstroke With Their COVID-19

Florida? Outside? In August? WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

Donald Trump's going to have to get out his magical weather map Sharpie again. Since coronavirus didn't disappear as promised, the RNC is contemplating shifting its nominating convention to an outdoor venue for safety. The only problem is, it gets kinda hot in Florida in August, and sometimes they have the occasional hurricane. Luckily, Trump controls NOAA, so he can ensure that it's 78 and sunny with a swipe of his pen!

Six weeks ago, the president blew up three years worth of planning and set fire to $38 million of already-spent donations by yanking his planned coronation from Charlotte, North Carolina, after that state's governor refused to promise to allow tens of thousands of strangers to jam into a convention hall to shout virus into each other's faces. Because if you allow for social distancing at your party convention, then the terrorists win! So he moved it to Florida, which promptly set about turning itself into a covid hotspot with cases spiking and hospitals dangerously close to reaching capacity. Dangit, DeSantis!

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