Cover Your Eyes! And Your Ears! Just Watch The Trump Biden Debate Through This Here Liveblog!

Am I happy that I'm liveblogging this goddamn shitcrap final Trump Biden debate tonight? No. But I am already full of a lovely rum, and nobody can ask for happiness these fuckforsaken days. Will I be able to hear and understand them as Trump hoots and drools and grabs at his own crotch and shits in his own hand like a methed out gorilla? I will not! I am somewhat hard of hearing, from all my youthful rock shows. But nobody can ask for "hearing" either, so fuck it.

Twelve days.

Good luck, moderator Kristen Welker. Good luck, Wonkers, do not do this Washingtonian drinking game, you will die. This Washingtonian self-care NOT DRINKING game sounds much better. SHY GET ME SOME MOTHERFUCKING CHAMOMILE TEA. With some rum.

Have a goddamn livestream.

Livestream: The final 2020 presidential debate on CNN www.youtube.com


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Franklin Graham Tells The Pope How To Catholic

Yesterday, it was revealed that, in a new documentary called Francesco, Pope Francis voiced support for civil unions and for not being shitty to gay people in general.

"Homosexual people have the right to be in a family. They are children of God," He said. "You can't kick someone out of a family, nor make their life miserable for this. What we have to have is a civil union law; that way they are legally covered."

Granted, this view is way behind the times for 2020, but it's a pretty massive step for the Catholic Church, which has certainly had its issues with LGBTQ rights over the years. Of course his opinion doesn't automatically make it church doctrine — the word of the pope is actually only infallible when he is speaking ex cathedra, in his official capacity as pope — but it carries a lot of weight nonetheless. It will also likely mean a lot to a lot of people and a lot of families out there.

This morning, evangelical pastor Franklin Graham, son of Billy Graham and notably not a Catholic, railed against Pope Francis's comments on his Facebook page, accusing him of saying that "sins" don't matter.

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Does Rudy Giuliani Also Pull His Pants Down All The Way To Pee?

Have you been following the twisting tale of Rudy Giuliani going back to his hotel room with the lady he thought was a young pretty reporter who wanted to see his Little Rudy, but just as it appeared things were about to go down, Borat ran into the room like "PUT DOWN YOUR CHRAM" and shouted that she was 15 and therefore too old for him?

HERE COME THE EXCUSES.

HE WAS JUST TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT, YOU GUYS.

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Rudy Giuliani, PUT DOWN YOUR CHRAM!

Rudy Giuliani: How many successes can one man have in a week?

Rudy has been caught on tape, not with a Russian spy (this time), but with Borat's "daughter" Tutar, and ... well, thank goodness he didn't masturbate on Zoom or anything, but ...

OK, so in the new movie Borat: Subsequent Moviefilm, which comes out Friday on Amazon Prime, the character who plays "Tutar" is pretending to be a conservative journalist, and she gets Rudy to do an interview with her. The Daily Beast's description is very colorful, so we will use it:

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Nice Time

Relax! It's the Return Of Nice Things!

Take a moment to breathe.

October has been a stressful decade, so how about we bring Nice Things off its hiatus, now that we've covered all 33 of this year's Senate elections? We could all use some adorable kittens and puppies and general weirdness right about now, so let's jump right in!

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coronavirus

HHS Official’s Foolproof Plan To Have Mall Santas Promote Vaccines Somehow Falls Apart

Who would have guessed!

Back in September, it was revealed that Michael Caputo of the Health and Human Services department took $300 million in taxpayer dollars from the CDC to produce a bunch of ads about what a fabulous job the Trump administration was doing with COVID-19 starring Dennis Quaid and gospel singer singer CeCe Winans. Then people got mad about that because they were basically taxpayer-funded campaign ads for Trump, and Dennis Quaid was all "Why are you cancel culturing me?" even though it wasn't about him and honestly what has he even been in lately anyway?

Anyway! That was not the only very stupid thing that Michael Caputo wanted to spend taxpayer dollars on. He came up with another plan as well. A plan to recruit mall Santas to promote a COVID-19 vaccine that does not currently exist.

And it is because of that plan that the whole PR blitz project, which included those ads and is titled "Covid 19 Public Health and Reopening America Public Service Announcements and Advertising Campaign," is being thrown out.

The Wall Street Journal reports:

As part of the plan, a top Trump administration official wanted the Santa performers to promote the benefits of a Covid-19 vaccination and, in exchange, offered them early vaccine access ahead of the general public, according to audio recordings. Those who perform as Mrs. Claus and elves also would have been included.

The Department of Health and Human Services said Friday the Santa plan would be scrapped. The deal was the brainchild of the official, Michael Caputo, an HHS assistant secretary, who took a 60-day medical leave last month. The rest of the campaign now is under an HHS review.

The Santa "collaboration will not be happening," and HHS Secretary Alex Azar had no knowledge of Mr. Caputo's outreach discussions, an HHS spokesman said. Mr. Caputo didn't respond to requests for comment.

Santa, reportedly, was not happy about it.

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Journalism

Interested In Some Uncritically Presented, BS GOP Talking Points?The New York Times Can Help!

What’s with these people?

Joe Biden is thumping Donald Trump in the suburbs, building on Democratic gains from the 2018 midterms. However, according to the New York Times, white suburbanites in Atlanta are “sticking with Trump," and it's not because they're dumb and racist. No, Trump's "law-and-order message," which is racist, just resonates somehow with these dummies.

Natalie Pontius is an interior decorator, married with two children and a University of Georgia alumna. She was born and raised in Atlanta, but moved to the city's exurbs with her family several years ago, drawn to the region's quality of public education. In November, she's voting for Donald Trump.

The decision was a no-brainer, said Ms. Pontius, 48, who in 2018 helped run her friend's Republican campaign in a state House race. "The riots, the push to defund the police — that's not the direction our country needs to go," she said. "I feel like the Democratic Party is continually trying to come up with ways to divide us."

Oh no! Biden's lost noted swing voter, Natalie Pontius. We went to the University of Georgia around the same time, but we never met so she never worried about me lowering the property values of her dorm. I'm not a fancy New York Times journalist, but I tend to think that a Republican political consultant isn't a persuadable voter. They all didn't join The Lincoln Project. The Times makes it seem as if Pontius was just doing a favor for her office-seeking friend, but she was a paid consultant. It was her job. She's described as an interior decorator in the lede, but there's no evidence online that she even has a business. Finding just the right spot for friends to display their Gone with the Wind commemorative plates doesn't make you an interior decorator.

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