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She Don't Lie She Don't Lie She Don't Lie SPOKANE

Spokane, Anacortes, Vancouver, Canada, and Seattle! We are loading up the Wonkebago with gasoline and children and dogs and sausages and watermelon salads (watermelon, lime zest and lime juice, and SHY'S BEEZ HONEY!), and coming to see YOU! Join us, like a common partygoer what loves to be fed and drinked and kissed on their faces!

Spokane, Wed., Aug. 21 (that is tomorrow!), 5:30 to 8 p.m. at Audubon Park, 3405 N. Milton St! May you bring us a dish to share? Only if you feel like it! May you bring us presents of pot? Well we are law-abiding law-abiders, so yes you fucking may.

Anacortes, Thurs., Aug. 22, 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at Washington Park. Look for the children and dogs! And the Wonkette banner! Same as above!

Then we are taking an actual vacation and leaving Evan in charge because he is that perfect late-30s power-hungry for the job! And we will see you again in ...

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Trump: America So Rich, Please Send Bailout!

NO RECESSION! NO RECESSION! YOU ARE THE RECESSION THAT IS DEFINITELY NEVER EVER HAPPENING SINCE DONALD TRUMP GAVE RICH PEOPLE A GIANT TAX CUT AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER! You can tell the White House isn't panicking by all the emergency measures they keep proposing to stave off the economic downturn they're certain isn't on the way.

Trump's economic advisor Larry Kudlow is out there drunk-uncling to Chuck Todd about fear of optimism. Trade advisor Peter Navarro is contradicting his own research on the meaning of the inverted yield curve -- and if a crank like Navarro knows it's bad news, then it's bad. And Donald Trump has declared an economic downturn is unpossible because, "Our consumers are rich. I gave a tremendous tax cut, and they're loaded up with money."

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Tucker Carlson Returns With Fewer Advertisers And More Evil Abortion Lies!

Earlier this month, mere days after a racist lunatic in El Paso gunned down a bunch of people in a Walmart because he was mad about immigration, Tucker Carlson proclaimed that it was a "hoax" that white supremacy was any kind of serious problem in this country.

Conveniently, he left on "vacation" the day after. Fox claimed that this vacation was "previously planned" and had absolutely nothing to do with the massive backlash to his saying something so incredibly ignorant. Whether it was "previously planned" or not, Fox probably still hoped that by the time he returned, his advertisers would have forgotten all about it.

That did not happen! In between the time when Tucker Carlson lol'ed at the idea that an ideology that is clearly killing a whole lot of people and getting more and more prevalent (thanks to Tucker Carlson) is some kind of problem, he lost multiple advertisers — including Long John Silver's, which pulled all of it's advertising on Fox entirely.

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Say What You Will About Anthony Scaramucci, But He's Driving Trump BUGF*CK

As we write this, the president has sent 21 tweets or retweets in the last hour. That number is certain to change, as this morning's manic episode approaches its climax. One thing he hasn't tweeted so far is the news that he's a grandfather again, as Eric and Lara Trump welcomed another spawn into the world last night. That might change, of course. It's just that Grandpa Baby Shits has bigger and better priorities, as he is a very important man -- like starfucking Fox News personalities and whining about his crowd sizes and retweeting his own batshit conspiracy theories about Google stealing votes from him and retweeting Geraldo saying "Ha ha" in response to his tweet from last night, when he promised not to build a gaudy tasteless gold trash palace in the middle of Greenland, which, because he is an absolute fucking idiot, is a thing he still thinks he might be allowed to buy (and then default on the loan most likely).

Oh yeah, and Vanky is on vacay. That got a retweet, but not "Eric and Lara bumblefucked a baby into existence."

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Trump

Trump Can't Have Greenland, So Denmark Can't Have Trump, NEENER NEENER!

Wag the Musk Ox.

Donald Trump, with his characteristic sense of tact and diplomacy, abruptly announced on Twitter last night that he would cancel a planned trip to Denmark because the Danish prime minister said Greenland isn't for sale. Yes, that would be just days after Trump also said that while it might be fun to buy an autonomous Nordic territory, such a purchase wasn't the main reason for the planned September 2-3 visit to Denmark. And now it's only a matter of time until other nations' leaders announce parts of their countries aren't for sale either, in hopes of keeping Trump away.

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Trump-Loving Neo-Nazi Arrested After Threatening To Mass Murder All Spanish Speakers

Good.

This past Friday, federal law enforcement agents in Seattle arrested 35-year-old neo-Nazi Eric Lin for his months-long harassment of a Spanish immigrant woman in Miami. From May until August of this year, Lin sent the victim, identified only as "C.I.", over 150 pages of absolutely psychotic threats. Using two separate Facebook accounts, Lin threatened to kill the victim and to commit a mass murder of Spanish-speaking people, and expressed his deep admiration for Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump.

The victim told law enforcement she recognized Lin, as he had previously been a regular at the restaurant where she worked. On one visit, Lin showed her a picture of his face superimposed with Hitler's face, an image he also sent to her on Facebook, along with the message "Composite of my face with the Führer and Reichskanzler Deutschland."

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Immigrants

Pesky Employees Demanding 'Paychecks'? There's An ICE For That, Maybe!

Thanks a lot, ICE!

Just in case you thought there's something awfully hinky about the Trump administration's war on immigrants, here's one more suggestive anecdote: In New York, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents scooped up an undocumented Chinese worker while he was in the process of testifying in a deposition against his former employer, who he says owes him $200,000 in back wages. Isn't that, as Dana Carvey in drag used to say, convenient?

Add this one to the distinct lack of any charges -- at least not yet -- against the seven chicken processing plants in Mississippi that ICE raided earlier this month, resulting in arrests of nearly 700 undocumented workers. Why, it's almost enough to make a cynic think the goal is to help rotten employers get away with sleazy business practices, it is. Somebody on Fox ought to complain about what a poor moral example Donald Trump is setting for the nation's impressionable capitalists.

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popular

'King of Israel.' Wonkagenda For Wed., August 21, 2019

Trump blithers (another) Nazi trope, the NRA wins again, and Facebook shits the bed. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Post-Racial America

Totally Real News Outlet 'Epoch Times' Loves Trump, Falun Gong, Heterosexual Healing, And Just Floating Right There Up In The Air

Hates Deep State and Doctors.

It never fails. Every single nasty, illegal accusation Republicans hurl at Democrats is something they themselves are up to their eyeballs in. They might as well confess to running a pedophile pizza parlor right now. Donald Trump is derping about Google illegally boosting Hillary Clinton's vote totals by 16 million based on some bullshit survey of 95 people, so of course there's an actual fake news outlet spending millions of dollars to pump insane QAnon and Spygate lies into America's bloodstream and boost Donald Trump. That train is never late!

NBC's Brandy Zadrozny and Ben Collins have a bonkers story out today on the conservative "newspaper" Epoch Times. Regular readers of Your Wonkette will already be familiar with this fine publication, both for its bizarro Spygate theories postulating that Donald Trump is constantly on the verge of doing LOCK HER UPS to the entire Deep State, and because it routinely produces highly selected excerpts of leaked House Intelligence transcripts, which it absolutely, positively does not get from Devin Nunes.

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SCOTUS

DOJ <3 Discrimination Against Trans People

And let's also discriminate against all women while we're at it, because why not?

Trump's DOJ is at it again! In a brief filed Friday, the Department of Justice argues to the Supreme Court in Harris Funeral Homes vs. EEOC that trans people deserve to be discriminated against. It also throws in some arguments that would allow all kinds of discrimination against all women, because why not?

Somehow, the DOJ's brief managed to be even worse than I expected.

Their logic seems to rest on two main contentions. First is that a transgender woman is actually a man who can legally be forced to present as male in the workplace. Second is that transgender people, as a class, can legally be discriminated against. They also argue that the court ruling for the woman in this case, who was fired simply for being a transgender woman, "would transform Title VII into a blanket prohibition on all sex-specific workplace practices" -- and that, apparently, is a bad thing.

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Wonkebago

She Don't Lie She Don't Lie She Don't Lie SPOKANE

Wednesday night, bitches, come see us!

Spokane, Anacortes, Vancouver, Canada, and Seattle! We are loading up the Wonkebago with gasoline and children and dogs and sausages and watermelon salads (watermelon, lime zest and lime juice, and SHY'S BEEZ HONEY!), and coming to see YOU! Join us, like a common partygoer what loves to be fed and drinked and kissed on their faces!

Spokane, Wed., Aug. 21 (that is tomorrow!), 5:30 to 8 p.m. at Audubon Park, 3405 N. Milton St! May you bring us a dish to share? Only if you feel like it! May you bring us presents of pot? Well we are law-abiding law-abiders, so yes you fucking may.

Anacortes, Thurs., Aug. 22, 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at Washington Park. Look for the children and dogs! And the Wonkette banner! Same as above!

Then we are taking an actual vacation and leaving Evan in charge because he is that perfect late-30s power-hungry for the job! And we will see you again in ...

Keep reading... Show less
Media/Entertainment

Let's Talk About Kamala Harris's Awesome Rally Playlist, Some Other People's

Spoiler Alert: Kamala's is the best.

The New York Times has taken time from its busy schedule promoting racial discord to analyze the campaign rally playlists for the presidential candidates. It only bothers with the top 10 contenders and Donald Trump so we won't delve into the music preferences of the other Tim Ryans. We assume there's some Hootie & the Blowfish or Billy Ray Cyrus on there.

We like big finishes so we'll end with Kamala Harris's playlist, which is obviously the best. It's no contest. There's more competition for the worst slot. We almost gave it to Pete Buttigieg because he actually has Hootie on his playlist ("Learn to Live"). However, he saves it with a hit from Sir George Michael -- the Queen hasn't answered our letters but we assume it's a matter of time before she posthumously knights him. We would've chosen "Too Funky" or "Hard Day" instead of "Freedom! '90" but it's still enough to erase the lingering Hootie aftertaste. [Incorrect, Freedom '90 is the best George Michael unless Mayor Pete wanted to get his Father Figure on, SER is fired. -- Editrix]

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2020 presidential election

Elizabeth Warren WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE ... Oh, She Just Did!

It is like she is sorry, but that can't be right.

Elizabeth Warren apologized yesterday for her past claims of Native American heritage, including her ill-considered decision last year to take a DNA test after Donald Trump goaded her to with a promise that he'd pay a million dollars if she did. Instead of settling the matter, that DNA test offended quite a few Native leaders, who pointed out that tribal membership has nothing to do with genes and everything to do with enrollment. And Trump refused to pay anyway, because he insisted he'd never said any such thing, just like a common Stupidest Man on the Internet. (Here he is saying it, on video, at a rally. Probably the Deep State.) Not that his opinion matters, but Native folks' do.

So yesterday, at the Frank LaMere Native American Presidential Forum in Sioux City, Iowa, Warren apologized, without qualification, because that's what grownups do when they realize that a bit of family lore has larger implications. She sounded like someone who has learned a lot about what Native people think -- and like someone who's put forward the most serious agenda we've seen for addressing the US government's history of neglect and hostility toward indigenous Americans.

Elizabeth Warren To Native American Leaders: 'I Am Sorry For Harm I Have Caused' | NBC News www.youtube.com

That, kids, is what a real apology looks like. No caveats or attempts to justify, just an acknowledgement of harm and an acceptance of responsibility, with an I'm sorry and I will do better.

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popular

Trump: America So Rich, Please Send Bailout!

Gonna need a payroll tax cut for all the Americans Trump made rich.

NO RECESSION! NO RECESSION! YOU ARE THE RECESSION THAT IS DEFINITELY NEVER EVER HAPPENING SINCE DONALD TRUMP GAVE RICH PEOPLE A GIANT TAX CUT AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER! You can tell the White House isn't panicking by all the emergency measures they keep proposing to stave off the economic downturn they're certain isn't on the way.

Trump's economic advisor Larry Kudlow is out there drunk-uncling to Chuck Todd about fear of optimism. Trade advisor Peter Navarro is contradicting his own research on the meaning of the inverted yield curve -- and if a crank like Navarro knows it's bad news, then it's bad. And Donald Trump has declared an economic downturn is unpossible because, "Our consumers are rich. I gave a tremendous tax cut, and they're loaded up with money."

Keep reading... Show less
Media/Entertainment

Tucker Carlson Returns With Fewer Advertisers And More Evil Abortion Lies!

You're gonna love this.

Earlier this month, mere days after a racist lunatic in El Paso gunned down a bunch of people in a Walmart because he was mad about immigration, Tucker Carlson proclaimed that it was a "hoax" that white supremacy was any kind of serious problem in this country.

Conveniently, he left on "vacation" the day after. Fox claimed that this vacation was "previously planned" and had absolutely nothing to do with the massive backlash to his saying something so incredibly ignorant. Whether it was "previously planned" or not, Fox probably still hoped that by the time he returned, his advertisers would have forgotten all about it.

That did not happen! In between the time when Tucker Carlson lol'ed at the idea that an ideology that is clearly killing a whole lot of people and getting more and more prevalent (thanks to Tucker Carlson) is some kind of problem, he lost multiple advertisers — including Long John Silver's, which pulled all of it's advertising on Fox entirely.

Keep reading... Show less
News

Say What You Will About Anthony Scaramucci, But He's Driving Trump BUGF*CK

Is he sincere? We hope so! Do we care that much if he isn't? Meh.

As we write this, the president has sent 21 tweets or retweets in the last hour. That number is certain to change, as this morning's manic episode approaches its climax. One thing he hasn't tweeted so far is the news that he's a grandfather again, as Eric and Lara Trump welcomed another spawn into the world last night. That might change, of course. It's just that Grandpa Baby Shits has bigger and better priorities, as he is a very important man -- like starfucking Fox News personalities and whining about his crowd sizes and retweeting his own batshit conspiracy theories about Google stealing votes from him and retweeting Geraldo saying "Ha ha" in response to his tweet from last night, when he promised not to build a gaudy tasteless gold trash palace in the middle of Greenland, which, because he is an absolute fucking idiot, is a thing he still thinks he might be allowed to buy (and then default on the loan most likely).

Oh yeah, and Vanky is on vacay. That got a retweet, but not "Eric and Lara bumblefucked a baby into existence."

Keep reading... Show less
Post-Racial America

Conservatives Don't Want Their American Fantasy Spoiled By 1619 Project's Lying Reality

Why don't black people love America enough to forget all about slavery?

The New York Times published the 1619 Project this weekend and conservatives don't need to actually read the damn thing to know it's single-handedly destroyed all the racial harmony Donald Trump restored when he made America great. We've gone from "Ebony and Ivory" to "Kill the White People." It's a national tragedy.

Ilya Shapiro at the Cato Institute scolded New York Times columnist Jamelle Bouie over his interest in history that isn't as benign and politically sanitized as Woody Allen's version of New York.

Twitter

Sure, the United States is "mankind's grandest experiment in human liberty and self-governance." Domino's is also mankind's grandest experiment in pizza. Give them a couple hundred years and they might come close to something edible. How are you supposed to react to Shapiro's ridiculous statement as a black man or a woman of any shade? We were never the control group in this "experiment" in liberty.

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Elections

FEC Head Tells Trump To Knock Off The 'Voter Fraud' Bullsh*t

Spoiler: Trump will not knock off the 'voter fraud' bullshit.

With Donald Trump on yet another tear about how he only lost the 2016 popular vote because they're all out to get him, the chair of the Federal Election Commission (FEC) asked him to please stop undermining Americans' faith in the fairness of our elections. Haha, like that's going to happen! In the past week, Trump has lied about nonexistent election fraud in New Hampshire, griped that California and other states sabotaged his fraudulent voter commission to cover up "proof" of voter fraud, and has floated a bizarre conspiracy theory about Google unfairly manipulating election results with its search algorithms somehow. The guy who insisted in 2016 the election would be "rigged" because he thought he'd lose is certainly not going to start becoming a fan of reality now.

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popular

Believe In Me. Wonkagenda For Tues., Aug. 20, 2019

Uh oh. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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