Manhattan DA Getting Closer And Closer To Trump, Like Chompy 'Jaws' Shark!

DUN-DUN! (That is how you type the Jaws music. And also the "Law & Order" music. Oh well, both work fine for this post.)

Manhattan District Attorney Cy Vance has Trump's tax returns and financials in hand, after the Supreme Court said he could have them. The latest news, reported last night by the New York Times, is that the investigation is getting a lot closer to Trump Organization CFO Allen Weisselberg. They might just end up squeezing him to cooperate, if they find that he did what's legally known as bad shit. Reportedly investigators have also asked a witness about Weisselberg's kids, Barry and Jack. We don't know specifically why they'd be asking about them, but we are just guessing it might have something to do with squeezing the kids to get to Daddy and then squeezing Daddy to get to Big Daddy.

Thoughts and prayers for all investigators tasked with squeezing Big Daddy, that would be pee yew gross. #washyourhands #wearamask

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And Now For The Sperm Report, With Tucker Carlson!

If you watch "The Handmaid's Tale" or if you read the book, you know the premise is that a fascist Christian terrorist movement has used a fertility crisis caused by environmental disaster to overthrow America and create the new fascist Christian nation of Gilead, kidnapping the few remaining fertile women and forcing them to be "handmaid" sex and pregnancy slaves to elite families, yadda yadda, new season coming out very soon on Hulu!

Well, in real life, we've had the attempted fascist overthrow by terrorists in support of a Dear Leader, muchly motivated by a desire to make things The Way They Used To Be (for white straight Christians), but it didn't work (yet). And we haven't had the fertility crisis, that we know of, but OH WHAT'S THAT, USUAL SUSPECT TUCKER CARLSON?

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Prophet Lady Has Magic Staff, Not Afraid To Use It To Make Trump President Again

Christian Prophetess Kat Kerr — the one with the pink hair who looks like she would just be, like, some cool, eccentric, artsy lady who just wants to sell you some handmade jewelry and talk about crystals but is in fact not at all cool and is instead very terrible — had predicted that President Donald Trump would serve a second term. Like many other people who consider themselves prophets, she is not giving up. She has insisted that Trump, in fact, won by a landslide. Just not literally.

So she's a real hoot.

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What Do We Want? Elizabeth Warren's Wealth Tax! When Do We Want It? Now Would Be Terrific!

Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren is introducing legislation today reviving her very popular campaign trail proposal of paying for things to improve every American's life through a small wealth tax on the very, very, very rich. The tax would fund things like child care and education, which benefit all of us regardless of whether or not we have children ourselves.

The proposed legislation, as you may remember, would tax wealth over $50 million at a rate of two percent a year — or two cents on every dollar — and add another one percent surcharge after $1 billion. This is not a lot of money for them, about $20,000 for every million after their first fifty million. (Or a whole twenty million dollar tax on a BILLION DOLLARS, which fairly raises the question, could a billionaire even live on $980 million?) But it would raise about three trillion dollars in the next decade, and that could do a hell of a lot for the rest of us.

Reps. Pramila Jayapal and Brendan Boyle will also be introducing the legislation in the House of Representatives.

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fox news

Liar Goes Home

Fuck off.

Kayleigh McEnany, one of the greatest liars to ever lie nonstop from the White House briefing room, has gone home. She was 32.

She is still 32, because the fucker ain't dead, she's just snaked her way into a job lying her stupid face off on Fox News, which is where she belonged in the first place. That's what we mean by "home." We assume she is otherwise unemployable, but Fox News will be a good fit, as it is for all the other deplorable Trump morons who end up working there.

Media Matters has a good roundup of McEnany's greatest lies. She was an enthusiastic, prodigious asshole when it came to promoting Trump's fascist Big Lie that he won an election wherein he actually got his loser ass stomped. Personally, we will always remember the time she got hired for her job, promised to never lie to the journalists during the briefings, and made it maaaaaybe 15 minutes without lying. Oh, and the Wisconsin Ditch Ballots! That was a fun series of really stupid lies from McEnany, who on top of her lying has been drawing a paycheck for years to pretend she, a 2016 Harvard law grad, is just jawdropping weapons-grade stupid.

Fox News asshole Harris Faulkner announced today that McEnany was joining the Fox News "family" (of liars), but didn't say exactly what she would be doing. Maybe she could do a new segment called "Make It More Bullshit!" Like, a "Fox & Friends" idiot could say a lie about a genderless Potato Head, or Tucker Carlson could go on one of his shriek-y white supremacist sperm rants, and then they could cut in like "Kayleigh, make it more bullshit!" and she would have five seconds to come up with an even more astounding lie than the one the Fox News host just told. She would always deliver the goods.

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White House

If Trump Econ Loon Peter Navarro Was Ever Right About Something, We Have Yet To Discover It

Crankyankers gonna yank their own cranks, we guess.

STOP THE PRESSES! Trump's econ crank Peter Navarro was wrong about a thing!

The guy that Jared Kushner unearthed by Googling "China + GRRRR + ARRRRGHH" (more or less); the guy who fed the old man all that nonsense about trade wars being easy to win and China paying those stupid tariffs; the guy who's too crazy even for the National Review, which refers to him as "Trump's Nutty Professor"; the guy responsible for the US government purchasing millions of doses of hydroxychloroquine to fend off COVID — that guy used his superduper detective skills to sniff out "Anonymous," the author of a Times op-ed and the bestseller "A Warning" about the shitshow Trump administration.

And he got it totally wrong. If you can even believe it! Because the author wasn't National Security Council member Victoria Coates, as Navarro suggested in his unsigned dossier. It was Department of Homeland Security Chief of Staff Miles Taylor. I.e. not any of the things crack profiler Navarro gleaned from his very deep analysis of the text: like "female with several children" (Taylor is a childless man), working at the National Security Council instead of at an agency (nope!), an "Experienced Writer" (not!), and opposed to the Trump administration's immigration policies — those same draconian immigration policies Taylor was actively working to implement at DHS.

Ooooh, so close!

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Culture Wars

Seriously, No One’s Canceling Dr. Seuss. WTF Is Wrong With You People?

Why do you need a racist Dr. Seuss book that you just heard about right now?

Republicans are experts at maintaining simultaneous contradictory positions. They insist that Democrats have “abandoned" the working-class, by which they mean white truckers in diners. Yet, the GOP is obsessed with so-called “cancel culture," the sort of culture war you wage when the economy is booming and 500,000 Americans haven't died in a pandemic. What passes for modern conservative intelligentsia won't let up on the topic, which brings us to the supposed “cancellation" of Dr. Seuss.

Fox News

Conservative commentator Liz Peek wondered in a Fox News op-ed if the "attacks against Dr. Seuss" would prove the tipping point .... to what exactly? That's unclear. How dumb will our history be if kids in the future are taught that the cancellation of Dr. Seuss was some world-altering event like the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand?

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