Ron DeSantis Troubled By TRUMP PEENER PORN STAR HUSH MONEY LOL Witch Hunt, So Very Troubled
All the stinky MAGA people have been saying their piece ever since Donald Trump predicted he'd be arrested Tuesday, which now for sure has to happen, otherwise Trump's prophecy wouldn't come true. There are the ones saying YOU'LL BE SORRY if you start arrestin' and prosecutin' Trump, because then everybody will fall madly in love with him and elect him dictator for life everywhere.
Dumb stupid moron idiot Republican Rep. Claudia Tenney thinks this is all going to "blow over," because Trump will probably just not show up in court, and then everybody will forget about it, because Claudia Tenney is a lawyer and that is how indictments work. (We imagine she might not feel that way if we weren't talking about a very wealthy white defendant. JUST A GUESS.)
Really sketchy MAGA man types like Jack Posobiec are threatening bank runs and everybody calling out to work, so if you see a line of unshowered incels making $10 withdrawals from the ATM outside your local Hooters in broad daylight before going home for a good long day of masturbating, that's just American citizens making their voices heard.
Some of the cultists are starting conspiracy theories in advance about how any violence committed by MAGA terrorists was ACTUALLY committed by the feds. Charlie Kirk actually typed, "The regime is salivating for MAGA to act in an uncharacteristic and violent manner ahead of this stalinistic arrest later this week." LOL.
But amid all this, whither Ron DeSantis? Sure, he is Trump's biggest rival for the 2024 Republican nomination, but surely DeSantis can drop the competition long enough for some good old-fashioned cultish solidarity with Team White Supremacist MAGA Traitor Crime Fascist, yeah?
He didn't speak up all weekend. Today, in a news conference, DeSantis said a number of things about it, but Trump people are only noticing that he clowned on HUSH MONEY TO COVER UP PORN STAR AFFAIR.
DESANTIS: I’ve seen rumors swirl, I have not seen any facts yet. And so I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I do know this: the Manhattan District Attorney is a Soros-funded prosecutor.
And so he, like other Soros-funded prosecutors, they weaponize their office to impose a political agenda on society at the expense of the rule of law and public safety. [...]
You’re talking about this situation with, and look, I don’t know what goes into paying hush money to a porn star to secure silence over some type of alleged affair. I just, I can’t speak to that.
But what I can speak to is that if you have a prosecutor who is ignoring crimes happening every single day in his jurisdiction, and he chooses to go back many, many years ago, to try to use something about porn star hush money payments.
You know, that’s an example of pursuing a political agenda and weaponizing the office. And I think that’s fundamentally wrong.
I have no interest in getting involved in some type of manufactured circus by some Soros DA, okay? He’s trying to do a political spectacle. He’s trying to virtue signal for his base. I’ve got real issues.
You need to understand how loudly people started laughing the first time DeSantis said PORN STAR HUSH MONEY. So he said it again.
Donald Trump was, at that point, the butt of DeSantis's answer. Sure, he was saying "Soros-funded" and all the other anti-Semitic and racist dogwhistles about "ignoring crimes happening every single day." But that ain't what Trump people heard.
MAGA choads were furiousall weekend about DeSantis's silence, babbling breathlessly on Twitter that you were either with Trump or you were with "Soros-funded DA."
(By the way, the George Soros thing is the same old George Soros hallucination they're always having about a very rich Jewish man none of them could pick out of a lineup if their lives depended on it. It's anti-Semitic, and it's also racist. Rudy Giuliani babbled this weekend that the Manhattan DA is a "Soros paid-for piece of I don't know what!")
The Daily Beast collected a bunch of the sad whining comments from Trumpland this weekend. Even Donald Trump Jr. stepped up on a chair to yell that the mean man wouldn't defend his daddy:
Did that win Daddy's love? Maybe we will find out on the next season of "Who's On Father's Allowed List Of Prison Visitors," who knows.
Now that DeSantis has spoken up, Junior is still very angry, specifically about the last part of DeSantis's comments, where he referred to the "manufactured circus" of a Soros DA and said he had "real issues" to deal with.
We know Junior typed different words in his tweet, but we are reading it as heaving, breathless sobbing about "THE! ONLY! REAL! ISSUES! ARE! THAT! MY! DADDY! IS! GONNA! GO! TO! JAIL!" because it's funnier that way.
In summary and in conclusion, Ron DeSantis doesn't know what it's like to PAY OFF HUSH MONEYS TO PORN STARS and also some other words that you will never remember, the end.
UPDATE: As we were finishing this, Trump responded to DeSantis himself, and oh my LORD.
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