Donate

ARE YOU READY FOR BLOOOOOMBERG????? (No.) (Your Vegas Democratic Debate LIVEBLERG!)

Hey fuckers. You know who's mad tonight? ME. It's not you, specifically, unless it was you, specifically (it's entirely possible it was you, specifically), but MAMA MAD. I've been mad all week. Maybe I've been mad ALL YEAR! I've definitely been mad all day. And the MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, THE FUCKING ANGRIER I AM.

LET'S FUCKING LIVEBLOOG.

Keep reading...

Is Bill Barr Cockblocking The SDNY? Sure Damn Looks Like It!

Hey, y'all hear those rumors that Attorney General Bill Barr has been threatening to resign, and has been supposedly telling Trump folks that? Ha ha! That is not what this post is about. Pink pussy hat and GIT OUT if it's true, asshole!

Were we not just saying like five seconds ago (yesterday morning) that it's getting KIND OF WEIRD how Barr keeps appointing special buddy pal US attorneys to look into whatever is grieving Donald Trump that day? They're not special counsels, they are Bill Barr's special boys!

Well surprise, there's a new one! And if we're reading this right, it's a pull-the-fire-alarm moment because it sounds like Barr is directly and obviously fucking with the Southern District of New York (SDNY), which likes to introduce itself at cocktail parties as the "Sovereign District of New York," because of how notoriously independent it is. That would be bad.

Keep reading...

Susan Collins 'Very Disappointed' In Poll Showing She's A Big Loser

When last we left Susan Collins, the world's most useless "moderate," the Maine senator had helped free Donald Trump to crime some more. This wasn't the best choice for democracy or Collins's re-election hopes. A Colby College poll shows her effectively tied with likely Democratic challenger Sara Gideon. Collins won her last Senate race with 68 percent of the vote. She's now reduced to 42 percent to Gideon's 43. Fourteen percent of voters are undecided, and Collins can only hope they're like her — soberly weighing all options before choosing at the last minute to do whatever Mitch McConnell wants.

These are appalling numbers for an incumbent whose Senate career is old enough to vote against her. Maine is a small state. The people all know her and how much she sucks. Gideon has a better shot at winning over undecideds, especially women. Women just aren't feeling Suzy Creamcheese.

From the Portland Press Herald:

"One of the most surprising findings is how poorly Senator Collins is doing with women," said Dan Shea, Colby College professor of government and the lead researcher on the poll. "She had a 42-percent approval rating overall but that drops to 36 percent for women. Further yet, it drops to 25 percent for women under 50.

Yikes! It turns out there's a political price to pay when you help confirm a credibly accused attempted rapist to the Supreme Court or actively enable the criminal hijinks of the misogynist in chief.

Keep reading...

Fox News: Don't Compare Mayor Pete's Marriage To Trump And Rush Limbaugh's Cheaty Slutting, NO FAIR!

Rush Limbaugh has been married four times and was caught coming back from a boys' trip in the Dominican Republic with a bottle of mislabeled Viagra in 2006. But recently he has been casting aspersions on the YUCKY LOL GAYNESS of Pete Buttigieg while he and fellow wingnut Ben Ferguson said the most stomach-churning things about how masculine World's Ugliest Man Donald Trump is, and Rush was calling him "Mr. Man" and just ew. We were just really hoping they would put their boners back in their pants.

The story continues, though!

Buttigieg went on the TV this weekend and what he said should have put a lid on Rush Limbaugh, human trashcan, once and for all:

Keep reading...
2020 democratic primary

Invisible Woman Elizabeth Warren Almost Mentioned In Coverage Of Debate She Won

WHAR WARREN?

Elizabeth Warren had a spectacular debate performance last night. It helped that she was joined on stage by the living embodiment of everything she has resented and fought against for the past few decades. We always enjoy seeing the Elizabeth Warren who during Senate hearings made Wells Fargo executives cry.

However, despite murdering the former mayor of New York City on live TV, Warren didn't actually receive top billing in news coverage of the Las Vegas debate. Mike Bloomberg dominated most headlines. Sure, it was his first debate, but how about sharing the spotlight with the woman who ripped out his still-beating heart and ate it? Describing the debate as "Democrats' Bloomberg pile-on" implies that everyone dealt blows as lethal as Warren's own jujutsu. Bloomberg would've had a much better night if Warren wasn't there.

CNN

Keep reading...
White Nonsense

Trayvon Martin's POS Killer Sues Pete Buttigieg, Liz Warren For Aggravated Humanity

This guy never stops finding new ways to make us sick.

George Zimmerman, who fatally shot a then-17-year-old Trayvon Martin, has decided to sue actual human beings who expressed sadness over Martin's death. Zimmerman was not content to vanish after his miscarriage of justice acquittal. He periodically emerges from the bowels of hell and reminds people how repulsive he is.

Two weeks ago, on what would have been Martin's 25th birthday, presidential candidates Elizabeth Warren and Pete Buttigieg tweeted their condolences and benignly observed that racism and gun violence are bad.


Neither Democrat mentioned Martin's killer by name. Warren said Martin "should still be with us today," which is a fair and obvious statement to make about a person gunned down by George Zimmerman. Buttigieg correctly noted that too many "25th birthdays have been stolen from us by white supremacy, gun violence, prejudice, and fear."

Keep reading...
popular

Power Causes Brain Damage. Tabs, Thurs., Feb. 20, 2020

Nope.

Hi.

Keep reading...
News

ARE YOU READY FOR BLOOOOOMBERG????? (No.) (Your Vegas Democratic Debate LIVEBLERG!)

Screw you guys, we're going home!

Hey fuckers. You know who's mad tonight? ME. It's not you, specifically, unless it was you, specifically (it's entirely possible it was you, specifically), but MAMA MAD. I've been mad all week. Maybe I've been mad ALL YEAR! I've definitely been mad all day. And the MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, THE FUCKING ANGRIER I AM.

LET'S FUCKING LIVEBLOOG.

Keep reading...
2020 democratic primary

You Like FIGHTS? Then You'll Love Tonight's Democratic Debate!

This will be a debate worth watching, because FIGHTS.

CANCEL YOUR PLANS TONIGHT, BECAUSE YOU GOT PLANS TONIGHT!

Yes, loves, there is a Democratic debate tonight. Now, we know — we know — that there might be a wee bit of debate fatigue setting in. WE KNOW. But we need you to suck it up, because at last, for finally, people are voting now. Yes. For real. We have had an Iowa caucus and a New Hampshire primary, Pete Buttigieg has a narrow lead in delegates, followed by Bernie Sanders in second place. Joe Biden has crashed and burned so far, and other people have also gotten votes and delegates, like Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar!

This weekend, there is a Nevada caucus, and then at the end of this month there is a South Carolina primary. Then comes Super Tuesday, and people are already voting in a lot of those states. Like, for literal, we could personally leave our house after we finish writing this and immediately go vote in our home state of Tennessee. (But we're NOT GONNA, because we have NOT DECIDED who we are voting for.)

In other words, after 767 months of primary, we have actually reached the official starting line, which means the finish line is finally in sight.

TIME TO TUNE IN, BOZOS.

Keep reading...
2016 Presidential Election

Did Trump Offer To Pardon Assange In Exchange For Sexxxxy Hillary Dirts?

'This,' for 'THAT'?

OH, LORD, WHEN WILL 2016 BE OVER? We will never escape that horrible year, no matter how many times we make our way around the sun. Case in point, literally: Just today, Julian Assange argued to a Westminster magistrate that he should not be extradited to the US to face hacking charges because his prosecution is entirely political. As proof, Assange says he has evidence that then-Congressman Dana Rohrabacher delivered a pardon offer in 2017 from Donald Trump. All Assange had to do was say publicly that Russia hadn't hacked the DNC to benefit the Trump campaign, and he could walk his stinky cat-lady ass out of the Ecuadorian embassy where he was holed up and go back to Australia.

A quid pro quo, if you will.

Keep reading...
Trump

Did Trump Commute Rod Blagojevich's Sentence For CRIME Reasons Or For DUMBASS Reasons? Yes.

The real truth comes out.

President TyrantStupid is saying the quiet part loud again:

Let's piece this apart.

Keep reading...
Media/Entertainment

Meghan McCain Thinks Democrats Did 'Piss Poor Job' Of Reminding Her Trump Exists

The Duchess of Arizona is now very politically correct.

Meghan McCain really doesn't like former New York City mayor Mike Bloomberg, who is currently shopping to buy a Democratic primary. Bloomberg was a fairly standard Republican/right-leaning independent for years prior to Trump's election. It's unclear where the daylight is between Bloomberg's policies and whatever's important to McCain. Bloomberg has presumably never insulted John McCain, a distant relative of Meghan's. I guess this is all about guns. Bloomberg is a prominent gun control advocate, and McCain has been romantically linked in the past to several well-connected assault weapons.

Joy Behar offended McCain Tuesday on "The View" because she's considering voting for Bloomberg if he's the Democratic nominee. This isn't a huge shock, because Behar has stated how much she wants to defeat Trump. She believes whoever becomes the Democratic nominee will stand between Trump and fascism. I don't know if I'd go that far, but McCain argued that if "Democrats don't take [Bloomberg] out, Republicans will."

Keep reading...
Culture

America's Greatest Artist, Jon McNaughton, Discovers Greatest Metaphor For The Media Ever

He even wrote a bad poem so you'll understand the subtle point he's making here.

Perennial Wonkette star Jon McNaughton, the great Utah-based arteest whose work combines the technical brilliance of the late Thomas Kinkade with the sly political wit of cartoonist Ben Garrison, proudly announced a brand-new work of Fine Art today. And unlike some of his recent lazy efforts, this one's a throwback to his early masterpieces, which were crowded with all sorts of symbolism.

We'll confess that art can be open to interpretation, which is what makes it art, but we're fairly sure we see what The Master is getting at here. It might best be summarized as, Looks like those clowns in the media did it again! What a bunch of clowns!

We just want to know one thing: How does he keep up with the news like that?

Keep reading...
Journamalism

The Hill SO SORRY For Putting John Solomon’s Ukraine Lies In Wrong Section Of Newspaper, We Good?

It's about ethics in framing journalism.

HOORAY! HOORAY! The Hill's review of its disgraced hack "opinion columnist" John Solomon is here! Hooray! After three months of soul-searching about Solomon's fruitful collaboration into investigating the Bidens with Rudy Giuliani, Devin Nunes's guy, the chucklefucks, and the firm of Hairball and Hairball, Esquires to the Stars and Also John Solomon; and into how much Solomon lied about working with Giuliani; and into how much Solomon didn't disclose citing his own attorneys and misdirected his editors on who exactly Lev Parnas was; and into his "smear campaign" of Marie Yovanovitch on Rudy Giuliani's, the chucklefucks', the hairballs', the corrupt prosecutors', and Ukrainian billionaire Dmytro Firtash's behalf, the Hill has a very solemn promise to make.

AHEM.

It will try really hard in future not to blur the line between "news" and "opinion," which was obviously their only problem.

So, we good?

Keep reading...
2020 Congressional Elections

Swing State GOP Senators Content To Hold Trump's Hand, Drive Off Cliff Together

But, hey, did you hear that Bernie Sanders is a ... SOCIALIST?

Donald Trump is set to hold rallies in swing states where Republican senators tanked their political careers when they helped him skate on impeachment charges. It's the least he can do, and they might as well call it the "GOP Learned Nothing From Kentucky" tour.

The president will swing by Arizona Wednesday to prop up never-elected, never-gonna-get-elected Sen. Martha McSally. McSally headlined her own "Veterans for Trump" event Tuesday night, where she made some strange remarks.

MCSALLY: We are going to be ground zero for President Trump's reelection, and we are ground zero to keep the Senate majority.

It's almost been 20 (!) years since 9/11, but isn't "ground zero" objectively a bad thing? The term most commonly refers to the site of a nuclear explosion. She's not wrong, but how is this helpful? McSally demonstrated more of her savvy political skills during an appearance on Fox News where she accused Barack Obama of trying to take credit for actual things he'd done as president.

Keep reading...
Impeachment

Trump Just Fired Another Ukraine Crime Spree Witness, No Big

Nothing to see here, just Trump out for more revenge.

Oh look, Trump's revenge rampage continues, after the Senate "acquitted" him of the Ukraine crimes we know with 100 percent certainty that he committed:

The Pentagon's top policy official John Rood resigned on Wednesday at the request of President Donald Trump, according to a copy of his resignation letter obtained by CNN.

And why? Because the administration had "lost confidence" in him, uh huh, you bet, sure.

Or maybe it was because Rood was one of the officials who raised alarms about Donald Trump's very illegal and very uncool hold on Ukraine's congressionally appropriated aid.

Keep reading...
2020 presidential election

Trump Pardons Have Nothing To Do With Donations To His Campaign. NOTHING AT ALL.

And if you believe that one ...

How much does a pardon from Trump cost? Well, apparently the going rate is a mere $302,542. Cheap at twice the price!

The Daily Beast was first to note that Paul Pogue, one of yesterday's pardon recipients, appears to have paid for the favor in cash. Or perhaps his family got it for him as an early Fathers Day gift. At any rate, between August and October of 2019, Pogue's son Ben and daughter-in-law Ashleigh made upwards of $300,000 in contributions to the Trump campaign, the RNC, and the Trump Victory PAC. Which is probably not a coincidence!

Keep reading...
2020 Congressional Elections

Ohio GOP Demands Investigation Of Dem Who *Didn't* Vote Twice

This aggression against a veteran and dachshund fan WILL NOT STAND, MAN.

In a nice little bit of early ratfucking for 2020, the Ohio GOP is falsely accusing a Democrat running for Congress of having done voter fraud, even though in reality she definitely did not vote twice in the 2008 presidential primary. And even after the claim was conclusively debunked within 24 hours, the state GOP is sticking to its original, inaccurate story. Judd Legum's Popular Information newsletter has all the details, and wow, what a fine crew these Ohio Republicans are. It's also a case study of the sort of crap Democrats should be ready to deal with in the age of Trump.

The target of the smear is Hillary O'Connor Mueri, who's running for the District 14 seat currently held by Republican Dave Joyce, who was appointed to fill it in 2012 and has held on to it since. If you haven't heard of Joyce, neither had we, at least until we checked the Wonkette archives and saw he'd explained in 2013 that the only reason there's any unemployment at all in America is that employers "can't find people to come to work sober, daily, drug-free and want to learn the necessary skills going forward to be able to do those jobs." So, a pretty good guy.

Keep reading...
justice department

Is Bill Barr Cockblocking The SDNY? Sure Damn Looks Like It!

PULL THE FIRE ALARM.

Hey, y'all hear those rumors that Attorney General Bill Barr has been threatening to resign, and has been supposedly telling Trump folks that? Ha ha! That is not what this post is about. Pink pussy hat and GIT OUT if it's true, asshole!

Were we not just saying like five seconds ago (yesterday morning) that it's getting KIND OF WEIRD how Barr keeps appointing special buddy pal US attorneys to look into whatever is grieving Donald Trump that day? They're not special counsels, they are Bill Barr's special boys!

Well surprise, there's a new one! And if we're reading this right, it's a pull-the-fire-alarm moment because it sounds like Barr is directly and obviously fucking with the Southern District of New York (SDNY), which likes to introduce itself at cocktail parties as the "Sovereign District of New York," because of how notoriously independent it is. That would be bad.

Keep reading...
2020 presidential election

NBC News/Wall Street Journal Present 'The Mystery Of The Vanishing Elizabeth Warren'

Why is the media treating Warren like a common Tulsi Gabbard?

NBC News and the Wall Street Journal released a poll Tuesday showing Bernie Sanders with a double digit lead over Joe Biden, who's effectively tied for second place with Mike Bloomberg, Pete Buttigieg, and Elizabeth Warren. Biden, whose campaign centered around his highly touted "electability," has hemorrhaged support since his disappointing performances in Iowa and New Hampshire. But on the plus side, he's still recognized as existing on the physical plane, which is more than we can say for some people we can't currently see right now (they are Elizabeth Warren).

WHAR WARREN? It's not as though Mark Murray ran out of space in his tweet (280 characters is a bastard!), Warren isn't included in the hypothetical and mostly pointless general-election matchups in the full length article covering the poll results. There's no good reason. Her poll numbers are double those of Amy Klobuchar's. We shouldn't discount KLOMENTUM, but at its current rate, Klobuchar's support will have grown to 12 percent by the Democratic National Convention.

Keep reading...
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)