Trump Sure Doesn't Want 1/6 Committee To See His Presidential Records! A Live Blog!

This morning the DC Circuit will hear Donald Trump's appeal of a DC District judge's refusal to stop the National Archives from releasing records to the January 6 Select Committee. I will liveblog it for you, so, fingers crossed that Team Trump delivers its usual high-caliber hijinks.

Three weeks ago, Judge Tanya Chutkan dick kicked Trump's request to enjoin the Archives from releasing his records. Apparently the court failed to see the logic behind his lawyers' argument that the former president's claim of executive privilege counts more than the sitting president's waiver. Then she dick kicked him again when he demanded that she stay her own order.

But the appeals court hopped in and did Trump a solid and put the order on hold. Only it was a very tiny solid, since they set a blistering schedule, forcing the lawyers to submit their briefs in rapid fashion and argue the appeal TODAY.

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Some Insufficient Words About Stephen Sondheim

Stephen Sondheim died Sunday. Describing him as a “composer," “lyricist" or even an “American musical theatre legend" feels too limiting, like calling Shakespeare a guy who wrote plays, and Sondheim is very much the 20th Century Shakespeare, a visionary who revolutionized an art form. This would've been true if Sondheim had died from his heart attack at 49, but he lived to 91 and was only more innovative in his later years.

I'm neither qualified nor emotionally ready to articulate Sondheim's place in history. I can only discuss what he means to me, if you'll forgive the indulgence.

I clearly recall the first time I heard a Sondheim song. Yes, this makes me incredibly middle-aged, but I watched the first-ever broadcast of the Fox network on April 5, 1987. There were two airings that night of the pilots for "Married ... with Children" and "The Tracey Ullman Show." During the first Ullman sketch, “The Makeover," she sings Sondheim's “I Feel Pretty" in front of a mirror. (Music by Leonard Bernstein.)

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You Bought Nothing Yesterday. Now It's Time To WONKETTE BAZAAR!

You have a loved one who LURVES YOUR WONKETTE. Buy them some shit straight from our basement! Nota bene: We are shutting down our basement factory right after Christmas, so if you wanted some presents from us anytime in the first half of the year, please to buy it ahead of time, hide it in your garage, and then forget not only where you hid it, but also what you bought. Now you are a Schoenkopf, you lucky bastard you.

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(PSSST *Grandma* Wonkette's Pineapple Orange Cranberry Sauce Is Better, Actually)

For years now — seven at least, suckers — we have been making Aunt Wonkette's Real Cranberry Business. It's great! (Needs more sugar. Not Oprah-level four damn cups, but one would be nice.) But last year, we did not do that. We wanted pineapple, which we almost always have on hand ever since your comrade Vegan & Peeara or whatever she is named these days told us while we visited her in Charleston that pineapples are symbols of hospitality.

So fuck it, we did it live!

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Conspiracy theories

Crap Words From Dr. Oz's Senate Announcement, Or Crap Medical Advice He Gave On His Show? A QUIZ!

Who needs BuzzFeed?

"How can we acknowledge that Dr. Oz is running for Senate in Pennsylvania," we asked ourselves, "without actually giving that fucking clownfuck any more of our time than he deserves?" And the answer we arrived at was to make you a quiz.

The rules are simple: We will type a line of text, and you have to decide whether it was some dumb shit he said in his Senate announcement, or some dumb medical advice shit he actually told people on his show, or maybe on Fox News, because of how he's such a quack.

It's going to be extra hard, because a lot of the things from his Senate announcement are Oz whining and bitching about lockdowns and whining his mouth off about "elites." But HELPFUL HINT THAT MIGHT HELP YOU, the odd numbers are from the Senate announcement, and the evens are his shit "medical" advice.

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joe biden

Joe Biden Did Inflation And Now All The Santas Are Dead

No really, they're going with that.

Republicans have an impressive racket going where they periodically destroy the country and blame Democrats for it. You might’ve noticed how they’ve actively encouraged their own supporters to needlessly get sick and die from a preventable disease. They’re even extending unemployment benefits like common hippies to people who lose their jobs because they refuse to get vaccinated.

However, Joe Biden is the president, even if Republicans won’t acknowledge it, so he’s directly responsible for their own misdeeds. The official GOP Twitter account gloated Monday over COVID-19’s continued dominance in our lives.

Joe Biden promised he would shut down the coronavirus.

He failed.

Americans are concerned about the emergence of a new Transformers-themed COVID-19 variant and the GOP responds with gleeful chest-thumping worthy of the most deranged supervillain.

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fox news

Fox News Can't Decide: Is Anthony Fauci Mussolini, Or Josef Mengele?

It's important to be precise.

Fox News hosts can't seem to keep their metaphors straight as they fulminate about the untold horrors the government may impose on Americans in response to the newly recognized Omicron variant of the SARS CoV-2 virus. In mere reality, the nation's public health experts are saying it's concerning, but we need to know more about Omicron (particularly how transmissible it is, and how well current vaccines work against it) before we make any policies to deal with it. There's a hell of a lot we don't know yet, but we do know for certain that the Delta variant is still killing people, so the best thing people can do is get vaccinated or get their booster shots.

Fortunately, wingnut media is happy to fill the current lack of certainty with extra-large helpings of speculation and conspiracy theories, like the loony notion that there is no new variant of the virus at all, it's all just an excuse to steal the 2022 midterms, because somehow South Africa and the world medical community are secretly run by Nancy Pelosi.

So now Fox News faces a bit of a rhetorical dilemma. The network gets its highest ratings when people are terrified, but since it's also committed to insisting that COVID-19 is a big nothingburger (but the vaccines are scary), Fox can't go the easy way and hype the potential threat of Omicron. Instead, Fox is back to its usual game of hyping the threat that the government is just itching to use Omicron as an excuse to impose lockdowns, force everyone to wear a mask in their own homes, take your guns, and have Taylor Swift write a new woke national anthem. For starters.

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