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God Closes Kevin McCarthy Door, Puts ‘Kick Me’ Sign On Some Dork Patrick McHenry’s Window
Big man. Big maaaaaaaaaaaaan!
 • 
Evan Hurst
53

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Oh No, Is Jesus Also On Trial For Inflating The Value Of His Properties By Billions? How Embarrassing.
You wouldn't think Jesus would pull shit like that.
 • 
Evan Hurst
831
Trump Civil Trial Gets Off To Smashing Start. And He Hasn't Even Taken The Stand Yet!
You can move to Florida, but you can never leave New York.
 • 
Liz Dye
618
NC Classical Station Scandalized By Operas About Anti-Death Penalty Nuns, Gay People, Malcolm X
The station will not air several Met productions it has deemed "offensive" this year.
 • 
Robyn Pennacchia
570
MAGA Idiots Trying So Hard To Convince Us Jamaal Bowman's Fire Alarm Is More January 6 Than January 6
Also being super white supremacist about it, SURPRISE.
 • 
Evan Hurst
264
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Kevin McCarthy Speakership Grand Closing Celebration!
Everything must go!
 • 
Stephen Robinson
245
The Great Zelle Pool Scam! Tabs, Wed., Oct. 4, 2023
What are we reading this morning? Your news roundup!
 • 
Rebecca Schoenkopf
702
Trump Gagged
Fuck around and find out.
 • 
Evan Hurst
4,932
Massachusetts Makes Getting Childcare Help Easier, Probably For Scary Reasons
It's like they want us to be Denmark or something!
 • 
Doktor Zoom
1,102
Putin's Got Plans To Get Americans (Republicans) Waaaaay More Excited About Genociding Ukraine
American officials say the stakes for him are higher in 2024 than they were in 2016 or 2020. Get ready.
 • 
Evan Hurst
328
Yes, Laphonza Butler Is Cali Enough To Serve In Senate. Let's Move On.
Don't worry. We have receipts!
 • 
Stephen Robinson
291
Your Red State Is Trying To Kill You
Freedom's just another word for several years shorter lifespan.
 • 
Doktor Zoom
474
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The Great Zelle Pool Scam! Tabs, Wed., Oct. 4, 2023
What are we reading this morning? Your news roundup!
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Those Cakes We Like… Are Reaching For The Comfort Food
Cold weather means CUSTARD! But not with fish fingers.
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Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Cider Brandy Fix!
Got a hankering for fresh fall apples? This cocktail will fix ya.
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Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, BEER!
Also, InBev sucks. Permit an old punk bartender to explain why.
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