Liar Goes Home

Kayleigh McEnany, one of the greatest liars to ever lie nonstop from the White House briefing room, has gone home. She was 32.

She is still 32, because the fucker ain't dead, she's just snaked her way into a job lying her stupid face off on Fox News, which is where she belonged in the first place. That's what we mean by "home." We assume she is otherwise unemployable, but Fox News will be a good fit, as it is for all the other deplorable Trump morons who end up working there.

Media Matters has a good roundup of McEnany's greatest lies. She was an enthusiastic, prodigious asshole when it came to promoting Trump's fascist Big Lie that he won an election wherein he actually got his loser ass stomped. Personally, we will always remember the time she got hired for her job, promised to never lie to the journalists during the briefings, and made it maaaaaybe 15 minutes without lying. Oh, and the Wisconsin Ditch Ballots! That was a fun series of really stupid lies from McEnany, who on top of her lying has been drawing a paycheck for years to pretend she, a 2016 Harvard law grad, is just jawdropping weapons-grade stupid.

Fox News asshole Harris Faulkner announced today that McEnany was joining the Fox News "family" (of liars), but didn't say exactly what she would be doing. Maybe she could do a new segment called "Make It More Bullshit!" Like, a "Fox & Friends" idiot could say a lie about a genderless Potato Head, or Tucker Carlson could go on one of his shriek-y white supremacist sperm rants, and then they could cut in like "Kayleigh, make it more bullshit!" and she would have five seconds to come up with an even more astounding lie than the one the Fox News host just told. She would always deliver the goods.

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Seriously, No One’s Canceling Dr. Seuss. WTF Is Wrong With You People?

Republicans are experts at maintaining simultaneous contradictory positions. They insist that Democrats have “abandoned" the working-class, by which they mean white truckers in diners. Yet, the GOP is obsessed with so-called “cancel culture," the sort of culture war you wage when the economy is booming and 500,000 Americans haven't died in a pandemic. What passes for modern conservative intelligentsia won't let up on the topic, which brings us to the supposed “cancellation" of Dr. Seuss.

Fox News

Conservative commentator Liz Peek wondered in a Fox News op-ed if the "attacks against Dr. Seuss" would prove the tipping point .... to what exactly? That's unclear. How dumb will our history be if kids in the future are taught that the cancellation of Dr. Seuss was some world-altering event like the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand?

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Manhattan DA Getting Closer And Closer To Trump, Like Chompy 'Jaws' Shark!

DUN-DUN! (That is how you type the Jaws music. And also the "Law & Order" music. Oh well, both work fine for this post.)

Manhattan District Attorney Cy Vance has Trump's tax returns and financials in hand, after the Supreme Court said he could have them. The latest news, reported last night by the New York Times, is that the investigation is getting a lot closer to Trump Organization CFO Allen Weisselberg. They might just end up squeezing him to cooperate, if they find that he did what's legally known as bad shit. Reportedly investigators have also asked a witness about Weisselberg's kids, Barry and Jack. We don't know specifically why they'd be asking about them, but we are just guessing it might have something to do with squeezing the kids to get to Daddy and then squeezing Daddy to get to Big Daddy.

Thoughts and prayers for all investigators tasked with squeezing Big Daddy, that would be pee yew gross. #washyourhands #wearamask

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And Now For The Sperm Report, With Tucker Carlson!

If you watch "The Handmaid's Tale" or if you read the book, you know the premise is that a fascist Christian terrorist movement has used a fertility crisis caused by environmental disaster to overthrow America and create the new fascist Christian nation of Gilead, kidnapping the few remaining fertile women and forcing them to be "handmaid" sex and pregnancy slaves to elite families, yadda yadda, new season coming out very soon on Hulu!

Well, in real life, we've had the attempted fascist overthrow by terrorists in support of a Dear Leader, muchly motivated by a desire to make things The Way They Used To Be (for white straight Christians), but it didn't work (yet). And we haven't had the fertility crisis, that we know of, but OH WHAT'S THAT, USUAL SUSPECT TUCKER CARLSON?

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All Fun And Games Until President Biden Starts Calling GOP Governors Neanderthals

Next time, say it even meaner.

Yesterday, Texas GOP Governor Greg Abbott decided that, even with rising COVID-19 cases, Texans had "mastered" the skills they need — yes, he said that — to keep from getting the virus, and therefore all mask mandates must be uplifted, for freedom! After all, an overwhelming seven percent of the population is vaccinated now, that's probably a good herd immunity number, yeah? (No.)

About five seconds later, Mississippi GOP Governor Tate "Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater Tater" Reeves said Mississippians were also too ready to breathe hot wet viral delta mouthfarts all over each other, in the name of America! Or whatever he said. Point is, he removed all the statewide restrictions.

Here in Tennessee, we're just waiting for our moron GOP Governor Bill Lee to follow suit, ha ha, he can't because there never WAS a statewide mandate, suck on that. (Lee was busy this morning, reading Dr. Seuss to some kids. Double suck on that!)

We were literally thinking last night that we hoped President Joe Biden would be just cold fuckin' MEAN to those GOP governors who, like the brain wizards they are, have decided that it's time to fuck up all the progress we've made and cancel safety measures in the seventh inning stretch.

And surprise, he was! He called them Neanderthals.

OK, to be exact, he called their brain thoughts "Neanderthal thinking," which by extension makes them "Neanderthal thinkers," and if it walks like a Neanderthal and it quacks like a Neanderthal and it thinks like a Neanderthal, it's probably a ... !

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Culture Wars

Wingnut Matt Walsh: That Onion Story About The Five-Bladed Razor But It's Gay Dads And Sex Robots

At least it's a change from Dr. Seuss.

Funny how with Donald Trump gone and an actually competent president in the White House, the Right is right back to its Culture War games of old, at least in between efforts to make sure Republicans never have to face fair elections. Yesterday, Daily Wire columnist Matt Walsh devoted his internet video program to a rant about how America is bound for madness and destruction because liberals are out to wreck the family. Darn those liberal family wreckers! Seems they've been gunning for "the traditional family" forever! Or at least since the Christian Right discovered in the Reagan years that it could endlessly fundraise off the terrifying specter of Mom and Dad being sent to the gulag by lesbians who'll make your baby vote for Ted Kennedy.

So here's the relevant chunk of Walsh's rant, no doubt taken completely out of context to make him seem like an idiot:

Haha, we are kidding! There's no context in which this isn't idiotic!

We have seen three men call themselves dads. Soon, that's not going to be the strangest or most disturbing combination. Give it enough time and even the self-professed "conservatives" will be defending the three dad concept as valid and equal, while maybe offering polite pushback to the newer "four dads and three sex robots" family units. I wish I was exaggerating, but this is the path we put ourselves on when we moved away from the mother-father nuclear family structure.
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Jeff Sessions, Please Go F**k Yourself

Jeff Sessions might feel the teensiest bit sorry about family separation.

Confederate monument Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III has had time to reflect during his well-deserved unemployment. Sessions, who was the other guy's first attorney general, admitted during an interview with Reuters that maybe the previous administration's war on children wasn't a great idea.

"It was unfortunate, very unfortunate, that somehow the government was not able to manage those children in a way that they could be reunited properly," Sessions said. "It turned out to be more of a problem than I think any of us imagined it would be."

Sure, we'll go with "somehow," why not. Somehow Sessions brought sadistic bigot Stephen Miller to the White House. Miller was the architect of the family separation scheme, and cruelty was the only point. Miller reportedly considered family separation and the obscene Muslim ban examples of what he called “constructive controversy" — the government kicks marginalized people in the teeth and this somehow “enlightens" real Americans.

Sessions couldn't imagine that a draconian policy involving goddamn children would somehow have “unfortunate" results? GTFOH.

Top Department of Justice officials were "deeply concerned" about the welfare of children separated from their parents as a result of the previous administration's "zero tolerance" policy. The twice-impeached thug didn't give AF because he's a monster, but if Sessions had reservations, he didn't make them known at the time. In fact, he gathered southern border prosecutors and told them, “We need to take away children," no matter how young. Sessions's deputy, Rod J. Rosenstein, later chastised government lawyers who'd "refused to prosecute two cases simply because the children were barely more than infants."

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