HE TRIED TO DRIVE THE LIMO FROM THE BACK SEAT

You know, if the House January 6 Select Committee is going to announce surprise hearings that fuck up our entire day, it would be nice if those hearings weren't so very zzzzzzzzzzz.

Like come on, what American president hasn't lunged from the backseat toward the front seat of the Beast AKA the presidential limo and grabbed at the steering wheel with their tiny meaty chunky ugly little pockmarked frontal beef hooves because they were mad the Secret Service wouldn't drive them to the Capitol to overthrow the United States government?

Fuck off, they all do that.

Today's witness, Cassidy Hutchinson, who was Chief of Staff Mark Meadows's right-hand person, may have been in the room for all of it, but doesn't sound like she saw that much.

OK fine, she was able to testify about all the times Donald Trump flung his lunch dishes at the wall in his private dining room because he was upset, and how she helped wipe the ketchup off the wall, and how he also liked to do that thing where you take the whole tablecloth, dishes and all, and just dramatically throw it all on the floor, which is basically cartoon slapstick we really didn't think real people did in real life.

Totally normal presidential behavior. We bet Hillary would have done that if the Trump campaign hadn't conspired with Russians to steal that election.

OK but real talk though.

WHAT THE FUCK?

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Surprise January 6 Hearing, Let's Watch It Live!

You ready for this? We have your preview right here, where Wonkette explains how Mark Meadow's former aide Cassidy Hutchinson is going to fuck everybody's shit up in today's surprise emergency hearing of the House January 6 Select Committee.

Now we get to watch it together!

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Meadows Aide Cassidy Hutchinson Ready To F*ck Sh*t Up At Jan 6 Committee Hearing

Surprise! We're getting another hearing at 1 p.m. today from the House January 6 Select Committee. The primary witness will be Cassidy Hutchinson, former aide to Trump's consigliere Mark Meadows.

WHO?

Well, if you've been watching the hearings, you've already met Hutchinson. She's the woman with all the details on which Republican politicians asked for pardons; and which ones knew in advance that the permitted rally on the Ellipse was going to turn into a march on Congress; and whether Mark Meadows was warned in advance that the January 6 protest had the potential to turn violent; and how Trump wasn't the least bit perturbed when the pitchfork mob he sicced on Congress shouted to "Hang Mike Pence."


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Ooh, Hillary Clinton's Talkin' Sh*t About Clarence Thomas

Not long before the world got to read Clarence Thomas's snail trail scrawlings in his concurrence in Dobbs (which overturned the right to an abortion or any other facet of the right to privacy established in Roe v. Wade ), where Thomas salivated over maybe overturning Obergefell and Lawrence and Griswold and any other substantive due process ruling that doesn't benefit him personally, we got to hear that shitface talk down to America, telling us we should learn to "live with outcomes we don't agree with."

Until the end of time, fuck you.

But this is a blog post about Hillary Clinton talking about her old law school classmate and what a rage-filled grievance clown he's apparently always been.


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News

Liz Cheney Just Saying GET YOUR ASS IN A CHAIR, PAT CIPOLLONE, YOU F*CKER

She's not letting this go.

Lately during public hearings of the House January 6 Select Committee, Liz Cheney takes time to very personally put former White House Counsel Pat Cipollone on blast over his refusal to testify publicly. At the end of last Thursday's hearing, Cheney said, "Our evidence shows that Pat Cipollone and his office tried to do what was right. They tried to stop a number of President Trump’s plans for Jan. 6." So come on over here, Pat, and let Liz Cheney put a gold star on your Trapper Keeper!

After Cheney said that, sources started telling journalists that Cip was already being really very cooperative, but blah blah blah "serious institutional concerns and privilege issues" blah blah blah. Fuck off.

Dude knows everything, and Cheney knows it, and everybody else knows it.

We know Cipollone threatened to resignmultiple times over Trump's coup attempts, and that he called the letters former DOJ douche Jeffrey Clark wanted to send to the states instructing them how to toss out their election results a "murder-suicide pact."

According to Cassidy Hutchinson's testimony, on the morning of January 6, Cipollone was freaking the fuck out trying to make sure nobody would take President Ketchup Smears to the Capitol, because they would get "charged with every crime imaginable" if he went there. He said "please keep in touch with me." From the same testimony, we know Mark Meadows reportedly told Cip during the riot that Trump believed Mike Pence deserved whatever was happening to him in the Capitol that day.

During yesterday's hearing, Liz Cheney asked Hutchinson if the White House Counsel's Office was concerned about the things Donald Trump planned to say in his speech to the buck-toothed hordes that day, the hordes we now know Trump was well-fucking-aware were armed to the teeth. (He knew they weren't there to hurt him.) Yes, the White House Counsel's Office did have concerns about that!

He knows everything. As Charlie Sykes wrote this morning, if "Hutchinson’s testimony wasn’t the John Dean moment, she made it clear that the testimony of the former White House counsel just might be."

And today Cheney is reiterating her calls for Cipollone to GET IN A CHAIR FUCKER NOW FUCKING NOW OH MY GOD JESUS FUCK.


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2022 midterms

Election Denier Tina Peters Loses CO Secretary Of State Primary, Probably Because It Was RIGGED

Golly, what a disappointing birthday present for the MyPillow guy.

Sad news for the Big Lie crowd: Wingnut celebrity Tina Peters, who was indicted for her role in allegedly tampering with election equipment, will not be Colorado's next secretary of state. Peters, the disgraced clerk and recorder for Mesa County, lost badly in yesterday's GOP primary to former Jefferson County Clerk and Recorder Pam Anderson (no relation to the star of Barb Wire, as far as we know). Anderson won the GOP primary with 44 percent of the vote; Peters actually finished third, behind Anderson and Mike O'Donnell, a businessman.

Peters, you may recall, is accused of helping fellow election deniers get access to Mesa County's voting machines, after which copies of the Dominion voting machines computer code — including passwords — were posted online, to "prove" there had been election fraud in 2020. As ever, we'll just note that Mesa County went for Donald Trump with 62 percent of the vote, which you might think would already make claims of ratfuckery unlikely. But you are not a Trump True Believer, so you think weird things.

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National Politics

Kamala Harris Knew Kavanaugh And Gorsuch Lied To Her Face, Jesus Christ, Duh

Harris is speaking out this week about the untimely murder of Roe v. Wade.

In case you've been wondering where President Joe Biden has been this week, he's in Europe, doing things like "G-7" and "NATO stuff" and "King of Spain." (Well, he's not doing the king of Spain. Probably.)

But Vice President Kamala Harris is back home in America, and she's got some words to say about Samuel Alito and his lunch table full of Opus Dei creeps overturning abortion rights in a desperate bid to get the Virgin Mary to go to prom with them.

Before they murdered Roe, Harris was loudly shouting "How DARE they." Now they have dared. To NPR, Harris put it in perspective:

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