Senate A**hole Caucus Folds, Government Shutdown Averted!

Huzzay! After several days of Republican senators huffing and puffing and threatening to force a government shutdown over Joe Biden's vaccine mandates, the Senate last night passed a bill to temporarily fund the government for 11 weeks, meaning that government won't be furloughing "nonessential" employees or closing down any agency websites tonight at midnight. Heck, with climate change causing weirdly mild temperatures in much of the country, you might could even go camping in some national parks if you want. or at least they won't be shutting down.

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Don't Tell An Anti-Vaxxer To Go Eat Dirt, Because They WILL Take It Literally!

If we were worse people, we would all be millionaires right now. Billionaires, probably. Because if we have learned anything over this pandemic, it is that there is a frighteningly large segment of the population who will turn their noses up at anything an actual doctor says, but who will guzzle bleach no-questions-asked at the suggestion of some random Instagram person. Each time they come out with a new thing — colloidal silver, white oleander, bleach enemas — it seems like they have hit rock bottom, or should have. "Well, at least it can't get any more bizarre than this," you said to yourself, probably, when they were putting horse paste up their butts.

Oh how wrong you (probably) were. Because this whole damn time they were eating and bathing in "magic dirt." Go figure!

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LIVE BLOG: Partisan GOP SCOTUS Hacks Hear Arguments In 15-Week MS Abortion Ban

Today is a terrible day at the Supreme Court.

The nine justices, most of whom are partisan Republican hacks, and several of whose nominations and confirmations were entirely illegitimate, will hear oral arguments in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization, the case over whether Mississippi's 15-week abortion ban — and by extension all pre-viability bans — is constitutional. In other words, this is the case that could overturn Roe, or gut it beyond recognition.

So let's liveblog the terribleness together! For backgrounders and more analysis, check out SCOTUSblog and NPR and CNN and hey, if you're still bored after that, google it.

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History Facts

Matt Lewis Pretty Sure It's Bill Clinton's Fault Republicans Love Trump So Much

Yeah, that doesn’t make a lick of sense.

Bob Dole died Sunday, and that has made liberals and conservatives alike misty-eyed about a day when not all Republicans were openly bigoted authoritarians. They used to preserve the mystery.

Conservative Matt Lewis, who decries so-called “cancel culture,” was so grief-stricken Monday that he wondered if America would’ve have turned out better if we hadn’t canceled Bill Clinton. You see, for those of you under 30, Republicans thought Clinton had a disreputable character because he stretched the truth and cheated on his wife. The latter was especially odious because, prior to Clinton, no president ever had extramarital affairs, except for all the ones who did.

Anyway, here’s what Lewis tweeted:

You're going to hear a lot of talk about the heroism and decency of men like Bob Dole and George H. W. Bush—and I agree with all that. But we should also note the American people rejected these heroic and decent men—twice—in favor of *Bill Clinton*...

This is bullshit for a number of reasons, but what’s especially hilarious is that Lewis contradicted himself just last year when he wrote this article for The Daily Beast: "Trump Is Terrible. Here’s The One Reason I Still Can’t Vote for Biden.”

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January 6

DC National Guard Commanders Aren't Going To Let Mike Flynn's Brother Pin This Sh*t On Them

No punches pulled here.

Former DC National Guard leaders are coming out swinging against a November 16 Inspector General Report that appeared to exonerate top Army staff and blame the slow deployment of guardsmen to the Capitol on January 6 on DCNG commanders. Politico got its hands on a memo written by Army Colonel Earl G. Matthews summarizing his own recollections of the day and those of Major General (Retired) William J. Walker, U.S. Army, who served as commanding general of the DCNG, and it is blistering.

Matthews begins: "The purpose of this memorandum is to outline and detail the myriad inaccuracies, false or misleading statements, or examples of faulty analysis contained in a recent publicly released Department of Defense Inspector General (DoDIG) report of its investigation into the Department of Defense’s actions leading up to and in response to the violent assault on the U.S. Capitol which occurred on 6 January 2021." He then tears into the IG for relying on anonymous, self-serving accounts, full of obvious contradictions, to produce a report "replete with factual inaccuracies, discrepancies and faulty analysis" resting on "demonstrably false testimony or statements."

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GOP Will Outlaw Abortion. The Next Step Is A Mystery, Even To Them!

It's your Sunday show rundown!

When the Supreme Court decided to take up Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization, and GOP-appointed hack justices on the Supreme Court heard oral arguments, it became clear that Roe will probably be lost.

But much like dogs who finally catch the car they've been chasing, the GOP doesn't seem to have a coherent plan on what to do next.

Let's survey the territory:

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