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Mitch McConnell Withdraws Judge Nom For Being TOO RACIST. Is That Even Allowed?

South Carolina Shows Oregon How It's Done

Tim Scott, the Senate's sole black Republican, added some spice to my Thursday when he torpedoed the nomination of Oregon's Ryan Bounds to fill a seat on the Ninth US Circuit Court of Appeals. Why? He thought he was just too racist, and if you're too racist for the black Tea Party-endorsed senator from South Carolina, you're too racist to even operate a bad pizza chain.

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Rampaging Potheads Carve Backwards 'P' On Oklahoma Official's Forehead

And just drew more attention to how the state's decapitating its new medical mj law, whoops :(

Voters in Oklahoma approved a June ballot initiative making medical marijuana legal, and in response, the state's Republican establishment has gone into full Reefer Madness Freakout Mode, certain that if anyone gets a prescription for wacky tobacky, folks will be smoking marijuana in Muskogee, and wearing roman sandals instead of leather boots. Among those getting in on the fun of a full-on political panic was Julie Ezell, the general counsel for the State Department of Health, who resigned last week after it was revealed she'd written threatening emails to herself and claimed they'd been sent by dangerous weed advocates. Ezell was charged Tuesday with making a false police report and generally being a narc in the incident. Authorities are said to be weighing an uptight buzzkill enhancement.

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Rachel Maddow, Stop Beheading The Trumps!

Hey! Got any exciting plans this weekend? I am supposed to be here (at Wonkette, where I am your weekend cruise director), and have made plans with friends, which shall go unnamed in case any of you are creepy stalkers. Alas, it looks as though someone (Rachel Maddow) has disregarded all of our dinners and coffee klatsches -- without even checking with us first -- and planned a whole White House coup for this weekend. At least according to Rick Wiles, of TruNews. You know, the same guy who warned us all of the army of zombie cannibals Obama was creating? Yes, him.

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Trump Came At The Intel Community. He Missed. Was That Smart, Do You Think?

BREAKING!!! BREAKING!!! Our president is a LIAR FUCKING LIAR!!!

Okay, that part's not breaking. But last night's gonzo story from the New York Times is HOLY FUCKING SHIT. This is definitive proof that Donald Trump knew before the inauguration that Putin himself authorized the DNC hack and electoral ratfucking in 2016. And the intelligence community wants you to know it.

Two weeks before his inauguration, Donald J. Trump was shown highly classified intelligence indicating that President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia had personally ordered complex cyberattacks to sway the 2016 American election.

The evidence included texts and emails from Russian military officers and information gleaned from a top-secret source close to Mr. Putin, who had described to the C.I.A. how the Kremlin decided to execute its campaign of hacking and disinformation.

If you're wondering why James Clapper, John Brennan, and Admiral Mike Rogers always look like they're about to lurch across the table and stab Donald Trump in the neck with a fountain pen, it's because the former DNI and heads of CIA and NSA sat down with that lying sumbitch and showed him images of pilfered DNC emails floating around Russian government servers. And then that lying traitor spent 18 months screaming WITCH HUNT and siccing the howler monkey mafia on the US intelligence service. Better to burn down the entire intelligence service than bruise his fragile snowflake ego and admit that he only lost the popular vote with a bigly illegal assist from a hostile, foreign power!

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Vladimir Putin Can Have Michael McFaul Over America's Dead Fucking Body

Wednesday, during Sarah Huckabee Sanders's first public explosion of lies in 16 days, she gave a very unclear answer to a question from the New York Times's Maggie Haberman, which was "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?" Specifically the question was about Russian reports that Putin's rogue shithole state would like to question/detain 11 Americans for their supposed "crimes" against Russia, in exchange for Russia's cooperation in letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian military intelligence officials he indicted last week for hacking our 2016 election. Putin's list of pals he would like to have for a chat starts with businessman Bill Browder, who used to be Russia's biggest foreign investor, who is actually a British citizen (LOL Russia is stupid), and who is Vladimir Putin's arch-enemy because Browder and his Russian accountant Sergei Magnitsky (whom Putin later had killed in jail) exposed massive Russian government corruption that led to the creation of "Magnitsky Acts" all over the world that sanction the ever-loving fuck out of Putin and his buddies.

Getting rid of the Magnitsky Act is Putin's number one foreign policy priority, so it's probably safe to say it's high on Donald Trump's list too. Indeed, during Trump's shameful press conference with Putin, Trump said Putin had made an "incredible offer" during their private meeting, and it was MOAR PEE HOOKERS! for the quid pro quo we described above. How sweet of Trump's KGB boss to offer to make such an Art Of The Deal with him!

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Russia

Putin And Trump's Secret Deals Are For Putin To Know And Tell The Baby He Agreed To Later

Ukraine, yeah sure fine, whatever

Two days ago, Donald Trump pulled off his stinky diaper, rubbed it into his orange hair, and shouted WHERE'S MUH PARADE? He'd just emerged from a two-hour, closed-door meeting with a former KGB officer, confident that his manly charm and unfailing natural instincts had carried the day again. Putin said he didn't hack the DNC, and why ever not wouldn't Trump just not believe him!

So, what did Trump and Putin discuss when they were mano-a-mano? Only Vladimir Putin's listening device knows! Donald Trump is a stable genius, and geniuses don't take notes!

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Russia

From Russia With Lube

This 'Bond Girl' sent her heart and her boobs to Guccifer 2.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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Russia

Trump Guesses He Won't Send Michael McFaul To Putin's Gulag THIS TIME

'UGH' said the president, upon learning he cannot be a full-blown tinpot dictator yet again.

And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Help Wonkette LIVE FOREVER! Seriously, if you can, please help, by making a donation of MONEY.

[Washington Post]

Russia

Rand Paul Bernie Sanders Cage Match, GO

Either you agree with Putin or you're demanding thermonuclear war. Duh.

Bernie Sanders offered a little resolution in the US Senate today, calling for his colleagues to back the intelligence community's assessment of Russian fuckery in the 2016 election and also to insist that Donald Trump should actually enact the sanctions against Russia that Congress passed last year. By golly, Senator Rand Paul simply was not going to stand for such crazy warmongering from people who are seething with hatred against Donald Trump, and he blocked the resolution, because why is old Bernie "Nuke 'Em All" Sanders rattling his saber like that?

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National Politics

Oh, Republican Women Are Having A Hard Time These Days, Are They?

The poor dears.

Today in Politico: an article all about how super tough it is being a Republican woman these days, what with the fact that liberal women don't "support" them, and also the men in their own party prefer to vote for men. This bed they made sure is uncomfortable!

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Post-Racial America

Didn't We Recently Tell Kirstjen Nielsen To Go Fuck Herself? WELL, IT'S TIME FOR THE REMIX!

Also? FUCK YOU.

It's gotta suck when you get a new job and there is just SO MUCH TO CATCH UP ON! And if you're a member of the Trump administration, you have the added stress of trying to do a crash course on everything you missed while also putting little babies in jail and lying about it! Boy howdy, and we thought our schedule was busy!

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Russia

Official WH Transcript Accidentally Does All The Colusion

Unperson's doubleplusrude question memoryholed

Hey, remember how it made really big news when a reporter asked Vladimir Putin Monday if he'd wanted Donald Trump to win in 2016, and Putin said, Oh, yeah, the most, because eww, Hillary. Funny little detail about that: The main part of the question is missing from the White House transcript, so the official record is just slightly glaringly inaccurate. As Barack Obama observed t'other day, we live in strange and uncertain times, so our public records may as well reflect that, huh?

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Culture Wars

Rachel Maddow, Stop Beheading The Trumps!

Instead, a former CIA officer has a very long list in mind ...

Hey! Got any exciting plans this weekend? I am supposed to be here (at Wonkette, where I am your weekend cruise director), and have made plans with friends, which shall go unnamed in case any of you are creepy stalkers. Alas, it looks as though someone (Rachel Maddow) has disregarded all of our dinners and coffee klatsches -- without even checking with us first -- and planned a whole White House coup for this weekend. At least according to Rick Wiles, of TruNews. You know, the same guy who warned us all of the army of zombie cannibals Obama was creating? Yes, him.

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Russia

Trump Came At The Intel Community. He Missed. Was That Smart, Do You Think?

DRIP. DRIP. FLOOD.

BREAKING!!! BREAKING!!! Our president is a LIAR FUCKING LIAR!!!

Okay, that part's not breaking. But last night's gonzo story from the New York Times is HOLY FUCKING SHIT. This is definitive proof that Donald Trump knew before the inauguration that Putin himself authorized the DNC hack and electoral ratfucking in 2016. And the intelligence community wants you to know it.

Two weeks before his inauguration, Donald J. Trump was shown highly classified intelligence indicating that President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia had personally ordered complex cyberattacks to sway the 2016 American election.

The evidence included texts and emails from Russian military officers and information gleaned from a top-secret source close to Mr. Putin, who had described to the C.I.A. how the Kremlin decided to execute its campaign of hacking and disinformation.

If you're wondering why James Clapper, John Brennan, and Admiral Mike Rogers always look like they're about to lurch across the table and stab Donald Trump in the neck with a fountain pen, it's because the former DNI and heads of CIA and NSA sat down with that lying sumbitch and showed him images of pilfered DNC emails floating around Russian government servers. And then that lying traitor spent 18 months screaming WITCH HUNT and siccing the howler monkey mafia on the US intelligence service. Better to burn down the entire intelligence service than bruise his fragile snowflake ego and admit that he only lost the popular vote with a bigly illegal assist from a hostile, foreign power!

Keep reading... Show less
Russia

Meet Paul Erickson, Maria Butina's Middle-Aged, Balding, Debt-Ridden 'Boy Toy'

Butina and the Beast

Accused Russian agent Maria Butina is currently safely tucked away in jail, pending her trial and likely conviction for spying without proper permits. Folks seem baffled at how this Anna Karenina of Green Gables managed to infiltrate "elite" conservative circles when it seemed so obvious she was a spy. However, she did have some inside help from longtime GOP gadfly Paul Erickson.

An article in The Daily Beast described the 56-year-old Erickson from South Dakota as the 29-year-old Butina's "boy toy," which is not in any way how that concept works. When I applied for the open position of Madonna's "boy toy" in the early '90s, the job description made clear that youth was a required attribute. (I also looked awful in a cone bra, so I never got a second interview.) Erickson, in truth, is a bald, gross patsy, to whom Butina attached herself for his connections -- not that they were all that impressive. Their "relationship" didn't even pass the government's giggle test when determining if Butina had legitimate ties to the community.

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Russia

Vladimir Putin Can Have Michael McFaul Over America's Dead Fucking Body

Is this Trump's idea of 'The Art Of The Deal'?

Wednesday, during Sarah Huckabee Sanders's first public explosion of lies in 16 days, she gave a very unclear answer to a question from the New York Times's Maggie Haberman, which was "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?" Specifically the question was about Russian reports that Putin's rogue shithole state would like to question/detain 11 Americans for their supposed "crimes" against Russia, in exchange for Russia's cooperation in letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian military intelligence officials he indicted last week for hacking our 2016 election. Putin's list of pals he would like to have for a chat starts with businessman Bill Browder, who used to be Russia's biggest foreign investor, who is actually a British citizen (LOL Russia is stupid), and who is Vladimir Putin's arch-enemy because Browder and his Russian accountant Sergei Magnitsky (whom Putin later had killed in jail) exposed massive Russian government corruption that led to the creation of "Magnitsky Acts" all over the world that sanction the ever-loving fuck out of Putin and his buddies.

Getting rid of the Magnitsky Act is Putin's number one foreign policy priority, so it's probably safe to say it's high on Donald Trump's list too. Indeed, during Trump's shameful press conference with Putin, Trump said Putin had made an "incredible offer" during their private meeting, and it was MOAR PEE HOOKERS! for the quid pro quo we described above. How sweet of Trump's KGB boss to offer to make such an Art Of The Deal with him!

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Russia

Republicans Won't Fund Election Security Because It's Not Like Russia's Gonna Hack It For Democrats

They have very important tax cuts to pay for, after all

In an impressive display of fiscal restraint, House Republicans yesterday refused to fund security for election systems before this fall's midterms, because ... well, not sure, really. (Just kidding. We know why and you know why and they know you know and we know why!)

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Guns

NRA Lobbyist Can Dish Out Thousands Of Gun Deaths, Can't Take Very Rude Cusses

Mean words are like hollowpoint bullets of language

Marion Hammer, the National Rifle Association's top lobbyist in Florida and literally the author of many of the state's laws expanding firearms ownership, is standing her rhetorical and litigious ground after a Florida man sent her several "harassing" emails which left her aghast in a way that the state's body count simply does not. The emails from Miami-Dade dude Brian Fitzgerald, 66, contained no threats, but they definitely had cusses and insults, and even called Hammer an "old bag," so obviously Hammer had to bring a heavy instrument down on him, if only we could think of the word.

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Russia

Blame The Black Guy. Wonkagenda For Thurs., July 19, 2018

Trump gets wishy-washy on Russia, Republicans ready to fuck the poors, and Mark Zuckerberg defends Holocaust deniers. Your morning news brief.

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Everywhere Else News

Barack Obama's Here To Help Us Get Past These Hell Times

Remember what a real president sounds like?

Barack Obama delivered his first major address of his post-presidency Tuesday at an event in Johannesburg, South Africa, honoring the 100th anniversary of Nelson Mandela's birth. It was -- as you'd expect for the occasion -- appropriately dignified and thoughtful. It was also every bit as inspiring as you might expect from the first black American president speaking in memory of the first black president of a nation that for most of its modern history was synonymous with apartheid. Let's take some time to bask in what an actual world leader sounds like, shall we?

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