We Found The Liberal In South Dakota

As the completist Wonkette reader knows, my husband and I (everybody wish Shy a happy FIFTIETH BIRTHDAY today, oh my lord) have picked up sticks from Suddenly Lunatic Montana and beat feet with our family for the Golden Dream by the Sea, wait no that is California, we have beat feet for Detroit Vs. Everybody.

Fuk yeh.

We stopped, as people in Wonkesbago do, at a thousand-acre bison ranch in the prettiest spot in South Dakota (they exist), where the "Harvest Host" (vineyards and farms where you can stay free with the assumption that you'll buy something. I love buying somethings from local people! It is perfect! This is not a paid endorsement but I would absolutely accept one!) put us in the prettiest meadow known to man, and the girls were happy and the dogs were happy and we were happy and the next day I found some off-brand Frontline and now all the ticks are dead.

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Guess Republicans Just Love Starving Babies And High Gas Prices

Good news! The House passed two bills yesterday to help with the baby formula crisis. First off, there's the Infant Formula Supplemental Appropriations Act, which would appropriate $28 million to the FDA so it can quickly approve imported baby formulas and ensure the agency is better prepared for such shortages in the future so this does not happen again. Second is the Access to Baby Formula Act, which would ensure that low-income families have access to baby formula through the WIC program.

If you're a person who hates it when babies starve to death, you probably think these are some pretty good bills and are relieved to know someone is doing something about this.

And yet 192 Republicans voted against the Infant Formula Supplemental Appropriations Act. Only 12 of them joined the 100 percent of Democrats in passing this bill. Those Republicans were "Reps. Don Bacon (Neb.), Brian Fitzpatrick (Pa.), Anthony Gonzalez (Ohio), Trey Hollingsworth (Ind.), John Katko (N.Y.), Adam Kinzinger (Ill.), David McKinley (W.Va.), Tom Rice (S.C.), Chris Smith (N.J.), Mike Turner (Ohio), Fred Upton (Mich.) and Ann Wagner (Mo.)."

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Trump Tells Oz Secret Of Winning, It Is Just Say 'I WIN!' Real Loud And Annoying-Like

With 95 percent of the votes counted, the Pennsylvania GOP primary for US Senate remains too close to call, with fewer than 1,500 separating the top two candidates, as the New York Times reports this morning.

The race is so close it's likely to trigger an automatic recount, which is required when there's a difference of less than half of one percent between the top two finishers. As you'd expect, the campaigns of Dr. Mehmet Oz and Dave McCormick each confidently predict that when all the votes are counted, their guy will come out on top. That could take a while, though; the Pennsylvania Department of State has until May 26 to order a recount, though it might do so sooner.

Totally legitimate former president Donald Trump has an idea about how to speed up the process though. On his hilariously named social media site for idiots, Truth Social, he posted yesterday that Oz should simply "declare victory. It makes it much harder for them to cheat with the ballots that they just happened to find."

Trump didn't specify who "they" were, and it should go without saying he didn't offer evidence, because how naive you are to want proof the primary is rigged! There's a possibility Trump's chosen guy might not win, and if that doesn't prove massive cheating is at work, nothing will.

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​Tucker's 'Great Replacement' Either Totally Fine Or Doesn't Exist Or HEY WHAT ABOUT RACHEL MADDOW, LIBS?

As we've noted, right-wing proponents of the "Great Replacement" conspiracy theory have been trying awfully hard to explain that they have no moral culpability for Saturday's racist mass shooting of 13 people in Buffalo, New York. It's a problem for for them, since the shooter's manifesto obsesses at length about "replacement," an international Jewish conspiracy seeking to genocide white people through immigration and through relatively lower white birth rates. (I can remember my mother fretting about the birth rate thing way back in the 1970s, too). The argument goes that complex demographic changes are actually being engineered to end white people's majority status in the population, which of course would be the end of America.

Wingnuts who've pushed the "Great Replacement" lie have tried to distance themselves from the shooter, claiming that something else caused the massacre (furries, or maybe the COVID lockdowns), or more typically, doubling down on the paranoia about immigration while still insisting it's true. But they're going to great lengths to insist they've never advocated violence, they've merely warned of a literal invasion by foreign hordes making war against America, lawlessly destroying our way of life, and turning the country into "a third-world hellhole" (literally part of the title of a book by Ann Coulter).

So yeah, a bit more on that, because while this "Great Replacement" stuff is bullshit, it's bullshit that's driving much of what passes for the Republican Party's agenda. Ever since that Kenyan guy became president, they want "their" country back.

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Recipe Hub

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Mint Julep!

We're on the right track with this one.

Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. I’m trying to catch up on our summer cocktails. Derby season has come and gone, but we can still enjoy some mint juleps. Here’s the recipe.

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Nice Time

Nice Time! Central Park Birder Guy Gets Own TV Show, For The Birds!

It will not actually be called 'For The Birds,' silly.

You probably remember Christian Cooper, the Black man who in 2020 was screamed at by a super privileged white lady because he asked her to please leash her dog in Central Park's "Ramble," a birding spot where dogs aren't allowed to run loose. He recorded her freaking out and phoning police to report she was being threatened by "an African American man," and falsely accusing him of threatening her life — while she also choked her dog by lifting it up by the collar. It was the Platonic Ideal of white panic that summer, a white person apparently trying to get police to come and get rid of — and maybe shoot to death — a Black person for the crime of being Black in public. Well, and for catching her breaking park rules, which is terrifying too.

In the aftermath of that horror, America also got to find out that not only was Mr. Cooper the target of racism, he was also just a hell of a nice guy who was as passionate about birding as the white lady was about trying to get that scary Black man arrested for existing in her presence.

He also turned out to be telegenic as all get out. A lifelong birder, environmentalist, gay activist, and nerd (he worked as an editor at Marvel Comics and introduced the first gay character in Star Trek comics), Cooper was boffo on camera, and before long he was doing guest spots on science shows, like this nifty vid from PBS's NOVA, in which he talks about the importance of diversity in outdoorsy stuff:


youtu.be


And now, hooray, Cooper has parleyed his many TV appearances into an actual job in TV. He'll be hosting a National Geographic series to be called "Extraordinary Birder," in which he'll basically share his love of birds and birding.

We bet it'll be way better than this press release from National Geographic, which is a bit too National Geographic press release-y for our taste:

Life-long birder Christian Cooper takes us into the wild, wonderful and unpredictable world of birds. Whether braving stormy seas in Alaska for puffins, trekking into rainforests in Puerto Rico for parrots, or scaling a bridge in Manhattan for a peregrine falcon, he does whatever it takes to learn about these extraordinary feathered creatures and show us the remarkable world in the sky above.

Well okay.

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Crime

Overturning Roe v. Wade Will Cancel Out That Pesky Great Replacement Theory Problem, Says Idiot

Just give the conservatives what they want, and they'll stop being racist.

Moon-faced rage Muppet Matt Schlapp would like everyone to look on the bright side of the Supreme Court's imminent overturning of Roe v. Wade: At least it will cancel out that Great Replacement Theory you godless liberals keep going on about that isn't even real and no one is pushing!

Schlapp, the head of the American Conservative Union that every year picks a hotel to turn into the functional equivalent of Middle Earth if Frodo had skipped his trip to Mt. Doom in favor of an end-of-the-world hobbit orgy (or CPAC for short), made his comments in Budapest, where he is overseeing this year's conference and maybe looking for a new dishwasher that can play "The Horst Wessel Song" during both its Rinse and Dry cycles. After all, if one is going to find the bright side of the Great Replacement Theory, what better place than Viktor Orban's Hungary, which the luminaries of the American Right have recently taken to like a Klansman to the bedsheet section of Walmart?

Anyway, help us out here, Vice journalist whose boss apparently hates him:

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