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Chuck Schumer Unclear On Difference Between Vandalism And Attempted Murder

They're pretty much the same thing.

On Monday, someone attempted to murder George Soros by putting a bomb in his mailbox. Also on Monday, someone threw a rock into House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy's office. Also, I spilled some hot coffee on myself. These are all things that happened on Monday, and were by some measure unpleasant. While most people might say, "Yes, all of those things are unpleasant, but they are not equal degrees of unpleasant," most people are not Chuck Schumer.

In what appears to be an attempt to get someone on Fox News to describe him as a "reasonable guy," Schumer sent out a tweet today lamenting the "despicable acts of violence and harassment" being done by "both sides."

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Scummy Push Pollsters PINKY-SWEAR Republican Goon Squad Will Win Florida

Must be why Ron DeSantis cancelled all his interviews after his AWESOME debate!

Republicans are KILLIN' IT in Florida, you guys! No worries about election day, Gators. It's all smooooooth sailing for the Sunshine State GOP. Just take it from Governor Rick Scott's lead pollster Wes Anderson, who produced a whimsical, unskewed poll for the campaign, featuring nostalgic jams about high Republican turnout in those good old days, telling the Tampa Bay Times,

As the linked slides indicate, Governor Scott currently leads Senator Nelson 51% to 46%, a lead that is outside of the margin of error.

It should also be noted that this sample from last week is very robust at 2,200 interviews of likely voters, stratified by county to reflect historic mid-term turnout. Our sample shows the Republicans with a one-point turnout advantage, even though we believe we will end up with a two- or three-point advantage. For historical context, in the past two mid-term elections Republicans had a four-point advantage in 2010 and a three-point advantage in 2014. At R+1, that makes our current sample a very conservative take on the likely partisan composition of this year's electorate.

NEEDZ MOAR BILL MURRAY.

No other pollster has replicated those numbers, with SurveyUSA, Quinnipiac, and CNN/SSRS all finding Bill Nelson in the lead, but if OnMessage, Inc. says Scott is running way ahead, then it must be true! Only OnMessage promises to "take your principles, your experience, and your opponent's weaknesses to develop a winning message plan that the voters will embrace." And who wouldn't trust a push pollster, right?

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Minnesota's Hottest Free Airbnb For Caravan Migrants Is Carol's Lake House!

Donald Trump's latest thing is that there is a CARAVAN of MEXICAN RAPISTS who are coming to KILL YOU in SINGLE FILE. It's a bit ... um ... unhinged, but then again, everything about Donald Trump is unhinged.

Of course, there is a migrant caravan moving through Central America. They want to apply for refugee status, which is weird because hasn't Trump been trying his damnedest to turn America into a true shithole country nobody wants to go to? He sure has. And yet!

Trump upped the ante on Monday with a tweet declaring a "NATIONAL EMERGY" that stated that "unknown Middle Easterners" are embedded in the caravan, because why wouldn't terrorists join a very large, visible group of people who'll be immediately met by law enforcement if they make it to the US border at all? (CNN is trying not to laugh.) This is obviously part of the president's strategy to bring his voters out to the polls with pants full of fear and poop, because of the unknown Middle Eastern Mexican Central Americans who are coming to their house right now to KILL THEM ALL.

And would you be surprised to learn that his very stupid followers are buying what he is selling? No you would not.

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We Told You The Trump Administration Was Coming For Your Birth Control Pills.

Once again, the Trump administration is coming after birth control. Specifically, they are looking to issue rules that would roll back the Affordable Care Act mandate that requires that most employers provide insurance that covers it, which would leave god knows how many women across the country without access. The administration had previously attempted to eliminate this mandate last year, but said attempt was blocked by two federal judges on the grounds that doing so would cause "serious and irreparable harm."

But now they're trying again, because forcing people to have unwanted children just seems like a really fantastic time to them, I guess. If these rules manage to get passed, and if the Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade as it is expected to, the Right will soon be closer than ever to the future filled with barefoot and pregnant women making them sandwiches that they have always dreamed of. For the rest of us, it will be a pretty shitty time.

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The Andrew Gillum/Ron DeSantis MURRRRRDER Debate, Pt. Deux!

Hello Wonks! Welcome to a very special Sunday Rundown as we cover some moments from the CNN's "The Florida Governor's Debate." Did Stephen already write this up? Well you can't over-cover a MURRRRDERRRR.

Moderated by Sunday Rundown favorite Jake Tapper, the debate was the very definition of contrast, from the calm and precise demeanor of Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum to the more frantic and misleading nervousness of Congressman Ron DeSantis. It was a debate in which Andrew Gillum showed why he should be the next governor of Florida. You know besides that WE LURVE HIM and RON DESANTIS SUX GOATBALLS. Highlights forthwith!

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Russia

Nuclear Treaties? John Bolton Just Wants To Blow Some Sh*t Up

It's Trump's bomb, we're just along for the ride.

On Friday, Trump's White House announced it wanted to kill a Soviet-era arms treaty. Over the weekend, people who try to prevent nuclear holocausts noted that this was a bad idea and urged the administration to reconsider. Today, Trump's resident war machine, John Bolton, went to Moscow to formally announce that we're going all-in on the Trump Cold War. Now might be a good time to start practicing that old "duck and cover" routine.

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Healthcare

New Trumpcare Twist: Screw Those Preexisting Condition Protections Republicans Are Running On

Naw, that was all a lie anyway, so this is fine. It's all fine.

With two weeks to go before election day, Donald Trump's Department of Health and Human Services dropped some new rules designed to further undermine Obamacare by allowing states to sell healthcare plans that don't protect people with preexisting conditions. Why, yes, that is the same administration led by the guy who tweeted last week that "All Republicans support people with pre-existing conditions, and if they don't, they will after I speak to them." It's just that when Rs "support" people with pre-existing conditions, that means they send thoughts and prayers, not any actual protections against higher rates or coverage exclusions. Let's Wonksplain this latest step in the Republicans' delightful plan to "expand" insurance coverage that covers very, very little.

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Post-Racial America

Minnesota's Hottest Free Airbnb For Caravan Migrants Is Carol's Lake House!

GET A GRIP, CAROL.

Donald Trump's latest thing is that there is a CARAVAN of MEXICAN RAPISTS who are coming to KILL YOU in SINGLE FILE. It's a bit ... um ... unhinged, but then again, everything about Donald Trump is unhinged.

Of course, there is a migrant caravan moving through Central America. They want to apply for refugee status, which is weird because hasn't Trump been trying his damnedest to turn America into a true shithole country nobody wants to go to? He sure has. And yet!

Trump upped the ante on Monday with a tweet declaring a "NATIONAL EMERGY" that stated that "unknown Middle Easterners" are embedded in the caravan, because why wouldn't terrorists join a very large, visible group of people who'll be immediately met by law enforcement if they make it to the US border at all? (CNN is trying not to laugh.) This is obviously part of the president's strategy to bring his voters out to the polls with pants full of fear and poop, because of the unknown Middle Eastern Mexican Central Americans who are coming to their house right now to KILL THEM ALL.

And would you be surprised to learn that his very stupid followers are buying what he is selling? No you would not.

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Everywhere Else News

Saudi Security Chief Skyped In And Touched Someone. (Khashoggi. To Death.)

OH, COME ON! Mohammed bin Salman's security chief Saud al-Qahtani SKYPED IN to the attack on Jamal Khashoggi? Reuters reports,

According to one high-ranking Arab source with access to intelligence and links to members of Saudi Arabia's royal court, Qahtani was beamed into a room of the Saudi consulate via Skype.

He began to hurl insults at Khashoggi over the phone. According to the Arab and Turkish sources, Khashoggi answered Qahtani's insults with his own. But he was no match for the squad, which included top security and intelligence operatives, some with direct links to the royal court.

A Turkish intelligence source relayed that at one point Qahtani told his men to dispose of Khashoggi. "Bring me the head of the dog", the Turkish intelligence source says Qahtani instructed.

And then they took Khashoggi's clothes, pasted a fake beard on the body double, and sent him out the back door to wave at cameras all over Istanbul. Meanwhile the autopsy expert, who had packed his lucky bone saw and loaded up his dissection playlist for the trip from Saudi Arabia, got to work. Because Qahtani, MBS's top aide, had asked for Khashoggi's actual head. And pissing off MBS can be really bad for your health. Just ask the dozens of royal cousins who left their fingernails at the Ritz Carlton Riyadh while being convinced to turn assets over to the government. Or the women's rights activists rotting in jail. Or the former Lebanese prime minister, Saad Hariri, who pissed off MBS by failing to sufficiently stand up to Iranian-backed factions in his own country. MBS had him kidnapped and beaten until he agreed to resign on national television. Or ask the prince's own mother, Princess Fahda bint Falah Al Hathleen, who has been kept under house arrest to keep her from warning his father King Salman to rein in his ambitious heir before it's too late. NBC reports that the aging king has been prevented from seeing his wife for two years at least.

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popular

Normal Human Trump Volk Very Excited About George Soros Getting A Mail Bomb

Civility!

On Monday, a bomb was discovered in the mailbox of George Soros, the shady billionaire who sends us all weekly checks for pretending we don't think Donald Trump is a good president a rich guy who donates money to Democrats and who conservatives use as a human filter for all of their most bizarre anti-Semitic pipe dreams. One of the more recent pipe dreams is that Soros is paying all the refugees in the caravan to come to the United States and make Donald Trump look bad. Trump himself has suggested that the sexual assault survivors trying to talk to senators during the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearings were only there because they were paid by Soros.

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Elections

Trump Promises BEST Imaginary Middle Class Tax Cut EVER

And the media all like OOOOH BEYOOTIFUL.

It really shouldn't be any surprise that Donald Trump is now making campaign promises that are literally impossible, like assuring rally crowds he's totally planning a 10 percent tax cut for the middle class, to be put in place before the midterm elections. Since Congress is recessed until after the election and presidents can't just declare tax cuts on their own, It's pretty easy to fact-check that one! So of course Trump keeps saying it again and again, and spinning out completely bullshit "explanations" of how it will definitely happen, because what consequence is there for lying anymore? His fans believe him whether it's true or not. (Just to be clear: Nobody in Congress has any idea what he's talking about.)

The nonexistent tax cut "plan" first popped out of Trump's mouth Saturday while he was talking to reporters in Nevada. In that iteration, Trump insisted he

was working on a "very major tax cut for middle-income people." He said the White House and congressional leaders are "studying very deeply, round the clock" to create another tax cut "not for business at all" that will be announced on November 1 or sooner. Axios was first to flag the remarks.

He repeated the claim Monday before flying off to lie to Texans about how many people were unable to get into his rally/lovefest for his best friend, Ted Cruz. Here, enjoy the official White House transcript, in which a reporter points out Congress isn't in session, and Trump just makes more shit up.

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Post-Racial America

New York Times Finds Stacey Abrams's Whitey Tape: Burning The Confederate Flag (HELL YEAH)

Another pointless New York Times hit job.

Georgia gubernatorial candidates Democrat Stacey Abrams and Republican Brian Kemp are set to debate for the first time at 7 o'clock tonight. There's much to discuss, like, oh, I dunno, Kemp's shameless and repulsive attempts to steal the election with Jim Crow tactics so obvious he and his staff should just go ahead and wear black turtlenecks with "GOON" printed on them like the Penguin's henchmen.

Fortunately, though, the New York Times dropped a story Monday that should distract from Kemp's attacks on democracy and focus attention on the more pressing matter of Abrams's youthful attacks on fabric.

At a protest on the steps of the Georgia Capitol in 1992, Stacey Abrams, now the Democratic candidate for governor, joined in the burning of the state flag, which at the time incorporated the Confederate battle flag design and was viewed by many as a lingering symbol of white supremacy.

Way to undersell the ugly history of the Confederate flag, guys! You might as well say Nazis are "viewed by many" as "more than just recurring Indiana Jones villains." The timing of the article — a literal October surprise — is suspicious, and I wonder if the Times didn't receive the tip from an anonymous source with the email address "notbriankemp@noseriouslynotbriankemp.com."

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Science

Arizona Vaccine Education Program Dead Of Stupid People, Also Polio

Seems like a rash decision.

In a move that doesn't surprise this former Arizona resident in the least, health officials in Arizona have killed off an online vaccine education program after some anti-vaxxer parents complained about its very existence. The state that brought us the political careers of Evan Goddamned Mecham, Joe Arpaio, Jan Brewer, Kelli Ward, and Congressman Paul Gosar, DDS, has once again lowered the bar and is now looking at Florida, Texas, and Idaho, just daring them to try something even more craven. Sad thing is, someone's bound to top this almost immediately.

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White Nonsense

Beware The Return Of Zombie TrumpCare Junior, Again. Wonkagenda For Tues., Oct. 23, 2018

Turkey's drip-drip-drip, Trump strips away MORE healthcare protections, and Alex Jones yells at a pile of shit. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

No-Show Almost-Interior-Inspector-General Sh*tcanned From Previous No-Show Post

Suzanne Israel Tufts, GIT OUT.

Tough week for Suzanne Israel Tufts, the nice Trump campaign lady with no experience doing investigations who was almost appointed to oversee, or at least overlook, the Interior Department's four ongoing investigations into Ryan Zinke's "ethics," for want of a better word. Not only did she not get that nice job as acting inspector general after the media got hold of the story and everyone said it stank to high heaven, but Tufts, who had been employed at the Department of Housing and Urban Development, suddenly up and quit that job too late Friday. Pour out a 40 (gallon barrel of industrial waste, into a poor community's water source) for her, won't you?

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Feminininism

We Told You The Trump Administration Was Coming For Your Birth Control Pills.

Should employers be allowed to tell you what to do with your compensation?

Once again, the Trump administration is coming after birth control. Specifically, they are looking to issue rules that would roll back the Affordable Care Act mandate that requires that most employers provide insurance that covers it, which would leave god knows how many women across the country without access. The administration had previously attempted to eliminate this mandate last year, but said attempt was blocked by two federal judges on the grounds that doing so would cause "serious and irreparable harm."

But now they're trying again, because forcing people to have unwanted children just seems like a really fantastic time to them, I guess. If these rules manage to get passed, and if the Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade as it is expected to, the Right will soon be closer than ever to the future filled with barefoot and pregnant women making them sandwiches that they have always dreamed of. For the rest of us, it will be a pretty shitty time.

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Post-Racial America

Latino Voters Gotta Get The Hell Out Of Dodge, Literally

Sole polling place moved outside city limits, because 'reason.'

The national cavalcade of vote-suppression fuckery continues apace, as good guys seek emergency injunctions to let qualified voters vote, the "president" threatens that anyone caught frauding will be drawn and quartered (and his toadies insist that's only a deterrent to frauders), and in Dodge City, Kansas, county officials have literally placed the only available polling place for 13,000 voters, the majority of them Hispanic, outside the city limits.

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Post-Racial America

The Andrew Gillum/Ron DeSantis MURRRRRDER Debate, Pt. Deux!

It's a special Florida gov debate Sunday Rundown!

Hello Wonks! Welcome to a very special Sunday Rundown as we cover some moments from the CNN's "The Florida Governor's Debate." Did Stephen already write this up? Well you can't over-cover a MURRRRDERRRR.

Moderated by Sunday Rundown favorite Jake Tapper, the debate was the very definition of contrast, from the calm and precise demeanor of Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum to the more frantic and misleading nervousness of Congressman Ron DeSantis. It was a debate in which Andrew Gillum showed why he should be the next governor of Florida. You know besides that WE LURVE HIM and RON DESANTIS SUX GOATBALLS. Highlights forthwith!

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Everywhere Else News

'Bone Saw Body Double' Such Bad Plan, Jared Kushner Could Have Come Up With It

We're beyond parody at this point.

Hang it up, Tarantino! You will never top the Saudis for bumbling gore. Life has overtaken art! Remember way back at the beginning of this hideous Bone Saw Saga when the Saudis said, "NUH UH! Jamal Khashoggi snuck out the back door of the Turkish consulate, totally unharmed. And we can prove it!" More or less.

Turns out, in addition to the bone saw and the autopsy expert with his dismemberment playlist queued up on the iPod, the 15-man entourage that flew into Istanbul to meet the dissident reporter contained a BODY DOUBLE. As is customary for consular visits with critics of the Kingdom, no doubt.

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popular

Charlie Kirk Misses Diaper Change, Has Complete Meltdown At Politicon

'I LIVE LIKE A CAPITALIST EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE!'

Politicon, the bizarre political Comic-con for people who for some reason want to pay money to see The Fonz interview Malcolm Nance in a place that is not their own weird fever dream, was held this weekend in Los Angeles. Unsurprisingly, some weird shit went down.

During a panel hosted by noted thirst trap Hasan Piker of The Young Turks on Saturday, diaper fetishist Charlie Kirk of Turning Point USA went right off the deep end when TYT's Cenk Uygur asked him what his salary was. Kirk had, just moments before, asked Piker what his salary was in order to prove some point about how he wasn't "living like a socialist." It was a very bad point, based on his own misconception that socialists want everyone to be poor. Upon being asked about his salary, Kirk leapt up from his chair and just started histrionically screaming, "I LIVE LIKE A CAPITALIST EVERY SINGLE DAY!"

Like I said, it was weird.

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